Denzel

Aha! Another reference to my supposed predeliction for 'dogging'. Hats off to you.

Well it was open when I drove past earlier so looks like some of them have been left behind.

£11.50 for him to put his tool in your mouth? I think it's a bargain.

Why don't you and Mrs Student take The Sun over? Imagine how cool it would be; Pot Noodles on the bar every Sunday, a 4AD disco, massive version of Jenga and loads of lasses called Sophie and Emma writing cheques to pay for half a lager.

Yep, despite Bono saying otherwise, all was NOT quiet on New Year's Day.

Congestion on the A19? Explain please Arkwright.

Oh Mr PN, get yourself a charver-patois phrasebook; you may find it easier to use than normal English.

An acquaintance of young 'Dazza' was set upon by one of the door-staff at the entrance to Movies. It's how the young pop-kids speak today Pencil Neck, get with it.

The Red Lion leasehold can be yours for c.£40k; apparently it's been earmarked for a 'significant' refurbishment. Again.

He shouldget his future son-in-law to do some 'creative accounting' so he can pick it up on the cheap.

Hooligans the lot of them.

Step forward, Colonel 'Dorty Shagger' Knowledge.

I was hoping to meet Miss Darn in The Sun actually.

It would be a good idea to advertise in 'In Touch' if they opted to print it on a decent weight of paper and sorted the registration out. Leave well alone I say. Go to printing.com, Alphagraphics or Prontaprint, get some decent A5 flyers done and deliver them yourself to the 'better' areas of Bedlington. Be much cheaper.

Must admit Snowballs are canny, a regular tipple at twisty !*!@# 's house when lager/wine has run out. Well it's either that or !*!@# Dooley's.

Yep, a warm welcome awaits in The Percy and The Clayton.

Biarritz chocolates - can you still get them? Turkey - who in their right mind eats turkey any other time of year? It's as dry as sticks. Port - gout in a bottle. Mulled wine - it's against nature. Geet big tins of chocolates - just buy a couple of Dairy Milk bars - more choccy, less cash. Advocaat - howay man, it's made out of eggs.

Should've just knacked the friggaz!

Ring first, just to make sure they have some beer in.

So basically you bottled it?

Sod the Scottish restaurant, let's have a KFC.

Can you define 'proper' music for me?

I can confirm I was. As was the Colonel.

Nah, they look like any other rag-tag group of half-arsed indie kids.

Almost as fast as a stampede for Throwing Muses tickets.