Good Jokes: Not For The Faint-Hearted (Adult content)

[Malcolm Robinson]

OK which one is the blonde????????

No takers?????

[John Fox (foxy)]

No takers?????

Third from the left has the wrong leg up? A one legged Blonde's alright with me though!!

Edited August 30, 2012 by foxy

[Brian Cross]

Third from the left has the wrong leg up? A one legged Blonde's alright with me though!!

Yep definatly turd from da ruyyt

[Canny lass]

Third from the left has the wrong leg up? A one legged Blonde's alright with me though!!

And there was me thinking it was because she had the most diamonds!

[Brian Cross]

Barry, the Aussie builder, was going through a house he had just built, with the woman who owned it.

She was telling him what colours to paint each room.

They went into the first room and she said, "This room to be a light blue."

The builder went to to the front door and yelled out "Green side up!"

As he went back she said the next room was to be red.

The builder again went to the front door and called out "Green side up!"

Once back with her, she said "This one to be tan."

And again he went to the front door and yelled "Green side up!"

The lady, very curious, said "I keep telling you different colours but, you always yell "Green side up",

"What do you say that for?"

"Oh, don't you worry about that," said the builder, "I've got a couple of Irishmen laying turf out front."

[keith lockey]

_{I've just finished reading a book about a small kid from Liverpool who moved to the wide open spaces of Kansas. You should have a read of it. It's called...LITTLE SCOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE}

[Canny lass]

_{I've just finished reading a book about a small kid from Liverpool who moved to the wide open spaces of Kansas. You should have a read of it. It's called...LITTLE SCOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE}

love it!!

[Malcolm Robinson]

HOW BOOBS GOT THEIR NAME ,

I had no idea. You learn something every day. This is much simpler than I thought !

No need to thank me,

Just trying to keep friends informed and educated!

[keith lockey]

I've just bought a new telescope.

Things are looking up.

[mercuryg]

Keith, kindly get your coat.....

[keith lockey]

I watched an Australian sitcom last night. It was set on a lonesome sheep farm in the outback.

It wasn't remotely funny.

[Canny lass]

Keith, kindly get your coat.....

please don't!

[keith lockey]

I went to the pub the other night and there was a fish sitting at the keyboards on the stage.

"Look at that!" I said.

The barmaid shrugged and said "It's a piano tuna."

[Brian Cross]

Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi us."

......................................................................................

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"

.....................................................................................

Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist, "Nah then, lad, does tha sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

Police have just released details of a new drug craze prevalent in Yorkshire nightclubs.Apparently, Yorkshire clubgoers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.Police say the dangerous practice is called `E by gum

Edited September 7, 2012 by Brian Cross

[keith lockey]

Duz tha speak Yorkshire ?

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi us."

......................................................................................

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"

.....................................................................................

Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist, "Nah then, lad, does tha sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies, "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

Police have just released details of a new drug craze prevalent in Yorkshire nightclubs.Apparently, Yorkshire clubgoers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.Police say the dangerous practice is called `E by gum

And I thought mine were bad!

[Malcolm Robinson]

I liked them.................

[keith lockey]

Ring Brothers Circus have made the sad announcement that the Bearded Lady and Coco the Clown are getting a divorce.

Apparently she caught him fooling around.

They also announced that they had sacked Samson the Strongman. They said he wasn't pulling his weight.

The same circus pitted one of its cheetahs against a grayhound in a hundred-yards dash.

It was a close run thing but the cheetah won by a whisker.

NOW THAT'S BAD.

Edited September 8, 2012 by keith lockey

[Malcolm Robinson]

You got any Xmas crackers left then Keeef?

[keith lockey]

You got any Xmas crackers left then Keeef?

I'll have you know I got those from my Beezer Bumper Book of Jokes and Jolly Japes - the one with the Bash Street Kids on the front. They were good then and they're still good now. Now where's my Beano Annual?

Edited September 8, 2012 by keith lockey

[Canny lass]

I liked them.................

Liked! I loved them. keep em comin Keith!

[Brian Cross]

Ring Brothers Circus have made the sad announcement that the Bearded Lady and Coco the Clown are getting a divorce.

Apparently she caught him fooling around.

They also announced that they had sacked Samson the Strongman. They said he wasn't pulling his weight.

The same circus pitted one of its cheetahs against a grayhound in a hundred-yards dash.

It was a close run thing but the cheetah won by a whisker.

NOW THAT'S BAD.

Oh dear Keefy are you still on your medication ?

[keith lockey]

Oh dear Keefy are you still on your medication ?

Medication!!! Hello nurse, who are those two men in the white coats and why have you got that syringe..."

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

The priest asks, "What's bothering you, Mary my dear?'

Mary says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'

'Oh, Mary, that's terrible, did he have any last requests?'

'That he did, Father.'

'What did he ask, Mary?'

'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun.....'

Edited September 9, 2012 by keith lockey

[Brian Cross]

Medication!!! Hello nurse, who are those two men in the white coats and why have you got that syringe..."

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

The priest asks, "What's bothering you, Mary my dear?'

Mary says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'

'Oh, Mary, that's terrible, did he have any last requests?'

'That he did, Father.'

'What did he ask, Mary?'

'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun.....'

Better better take it slowly mate

[keith lockey]

Theives broke into my house last night and stole everything but my hoover. They've left a vacuum in my life.

[Malcolm Robinson]

UURRRRRR Brian.............

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian

Coast He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a

terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a

couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some

really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.

'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news

first?' The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead.

Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little

cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but

she was dead.'

The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a

turn.

But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the

good news is.

The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few

really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so

we've brought you your share.'

He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or

five crabs in it.

'Geez thanks. They're real beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all

that...

So what's the other possible good news?

'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill

here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there

and pull her up again!