Are You "fit" To Be A British Citizen?

[threegee]

Take the test:

http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/can-you-pass-a-uk-citizenship-test-most-young-people-cant--gJ0v-H6BQx

 

And... I strongly dispute the official answers to two of the questions which I got "wrong".  It would be a spoiler to say more here.

 

The pass level is 18 out of 24. And the indyits don't know how to code properly in javascript, so you only need one of the two correct answers (in those questions that require two).  So, their version is a fair bit easier than the one immigrants have to pass.

[keith lockey]

I got a pass but two that I got wrong I thought might be trick questions.

So now I'm off for a cucumber sandwich and watch the cricket with a large G & T. Toodle-pip. Jeeves! Where's my brolly?

[ex Bedlingtonian]

"Update: Could you pass a Scottish citizen test"?

 

Only one wrong.

Edited October 4, 2014 by ex Bedlingtonian

[threegee]

"Update: Could you pass a Scottish citizen test"?

 

...

 

Just a sec and I will compose one for you...

 

• Who is king of Scotland?
• Where do you queue for your weekly income?
• What are the vile people South of the border called?
• Which is by far the most important, Christmas or the New Year?
• Why do we all want to keep the pound (after we said we wanted the Euro)?
• Which month do we want the next irrevocable, once-in-a-lifetime, independence referendum?
• Which tiny country supplies most UK prime ministers (and always moans about the result of their rule).
• Who steals all our oil?
• How much more state funding per-head do we get than the UK average?
• Why isn't the above figure anything like enough?

 

Rules: Pass mark 44.9% - new born babies can now take the test - Scots living outside Scotland are double disqualified - anyone failing the test is eligible for a seat in the Scottish Parliament - all who pass the test can vote on everyone else in the UK's local affairs.

 

All answers on a postcard of Whitley Bay to: SNP, PO Box 1, Edinburgh, Independent Scotland (they don't have any answers themselves).

[Malcolm Robinson]

23/24

[Tonyp]

Threegee ask Kieth he thinks everybody drinks gin & says tootle pip with a Geordie accent of coarse lol with a monkey in a pram..

[willy j.]

23/24

[keith lockey]

Threegee ask Kieth he thinks everybody drinks gin & says tootle pip with a Geordie accent of coarse lol with a monkey in a pram..

 

It's a funny thing, Tony, A lot of people still think of the British as Michael Caine in Zulu or Montgomery at El Alamein. It conjurers up images of the Days of the Raj and that stiff upper lip character who loves cricket and drinks G & T's. Recall the two Englishmen, Charters and Caldicott, in The Lady Vanishes. Just look at our PM, you could stick him in a stovepipe hat and transplant him straight back to Victorian times...we should be so lucky...and he would fit in. It's hard to shake off that image. Me, I'm actually quite proud to be English, but us Geordies (Northumbrians) are a breed apart from the stereotypical image of a British subject and I hope we never contemplate doing a Salmond. Anyway, old boy, chin chin, keep up the good work and I'll see you in the club for a large G & T. Jeeves, tell her ladyship I'll be home late.

[willy j.]

You're wasting your time Keith, he just doesn't get it, old boy, what.

[Tonyp]

Willy, me & Kieth go back a long long time,I think he gets my sense of humour as I do his just trying to be light hearted,I think he knows

The contence it was wrote in...

[keith lockey]

Sink me for a Frenchman! You bounders, you've sussed me out, mater and pater will be spinning in their graves.

Yeah, you're both right...I've got a lyrical, cynical sense of humour...I think us British have to, especially with the monarchial & political system we have in this country. No offense taken or given, though I was serious about being proud to be English. To be honest I hate cricket and would puke if given a cucumber sandwich.. though the gin and tonic would be welcomed...but aside from that. Cheers lads...

[Canny lass]

23/24 Thirty years away doesn't seem to have done too much damage!

[Brian Cross]

21/24 reasonable for a Aust based Brit  

[willy j.]

The word you're looking for Tony is 'context'.

[Tonyp]

Very good old chap had a few beers no excuse when you write in the future make sure you use your grammar check what I was doing

Was relating that Keith would get my joke nothing else sarcasm lowest form of wit..by the way when me granda went down the pit it

Was jam sandwiches all week tomatoes were in books that he he would read...

[Tonyp]

Should have said content

[willy j.]

Well I'm glad to hear your grandad also worked in heavy industry, just as I did. A little before my time though I would suggest, but never the less, if what you say is true he also will have suffered with health problems later in life. As everyone who did manual work in those industries did. Industries that don't exist in this country on a national scale any more, destroyed by politicians of successive governments, and in some cases, crap trade union leaders. 

 

People who moved away from these industrial areas to enjoy a cleaner lifestyle are the lucky ones.

[Tonyp]

Me granda got killed in the pit big health problems

[willy j.]

Sorry to hear about your grandad, but the pit is still killing people, we're all going to die before our time. But that's the way it is.

 

Forgot to mention, jam sandwiches were always eaten down the pit, even in my time. In fact right up to the closure of the last one. They weren't exclusive to the generation before us.

[Tonyp]

Apparently my grandma would make one extra for my mother she said it tasted nice when it came back from the pit .. At least that's what she said my granda did it religiously for her..

[Maggie/915]

When the 'Black Lung gets you that's the kiss of death'

Tom Paxton

Dogs at Midnight.

[willy j.]

He was obviously a good man Tony.

 

Maggie, have you been listening to 'Joe Bonamassa' by any chance?

[Maggie/915]

No willyj but maybe that should be on my hit list.

Tom Paxton, we were listening to from the Dark Ages in the late sixties /seventies.

We have seen him a few times.

My Dad died of Emphysema.

It was not too good to watch him and feel helpless.

[willy j.]

Sorry to hear that Maggie, and I have some idea of what you must have gone through. Reminds me of an argument I had with a consultant employed by British Coal when I was going through the claims process. He was trying to dismiss all the medical proof and everything that I said. I lost my head a little and told him " listen to me you stuck up arsehole. The Coal Board stole my health and you are going to pay for it". A few more words passed between us, but I think he got the message.

 

Unfortunately it was probably too late for your dad. Because, although they did pay up in the end, it took 12 years to settle.

 

Anyway, Joe Bonamassa is a fantastic musician (Blues Rock) one of his LP's called 'Dust Bowl' has a track on it called 'Black Lung Heartache'. That's what I thought you had been listening to, a great CD if you ever get the chance to listen to it. 

[Maggie/915]

We have ventured out and bought the cd.

Excellent reminds me of listening to early Led Zeppelin and Cream.

Tom Paxton is a folk music but his track is very good.