What Life Taught Me Today...

[threegee]

Do NOT squeeze the tube of superglue BEFORE you've carefully unblocked the nozzle with that straightened paperclip!

Arrrgghhhh!!

[rachael]

hmm..i learnt to play more chords on my guitar! woo! go me!

[Andy Millne]

Eating a strawberry doughnut without licking your lips is an extremely hard if not impossible task. I've yet to determine whether this is true of all flavours of doughnut but if anybody would like to send me any I don't mind doing the necessary research.

[Brett]

It's impossible to get a taxi at a decent hour after a night out in in town on a Saturday

[Mr Darn]

Eating a strawberry doughnut without licking your lips is an extremely hard if not impossible task.

i believe the same applies to opal fruits (now re-named i believe)

you just cant eat one without chewing...

[Hamburger Pimp]

That operating a computer without a working mouse is a pain.

That I can't fix computers.

That I swear a lot when I get annoyed.

Grrr.

[Joe Rooney]

That operating a computer without a working mouse is a pain.

That I can't fix computers.

That I swear a lot when I get annoyed.

Grrr.

No one can humiliate a grown, even "old" man, better than a precocious child.

To explain. I have spent lots and lots of dollars over the past 40 years trying to keep up with the constantly increasing technical demands of computers and the oddly named software! I also have a shelf full of technical advice for dummies. (Which I may or may not be, but probably am!

Sunday I was struggling with another one of these infernal "Error" messages, but finally gave up frustrated and defeated by the so called software.

Twenty minutes later my four year old grandchild, (Dear sweet Regan.) Stood in the hall bellowing in a very unsweet voice. "Mom, Grandma" grandpa broke the computer again, but its ok now, I fixed it!!

Dear sweet child, I really do have to rethink and rewrite my will, these kids are just too smart, and totally lacking in proper concern for their elderly relatives. No Japanese kid would do that. But my kids are all Canadian.

Joe.

[Hamburger Pimp]

Joe, can you get your grandchild to sort my mouse problem?

[Brett]

try the pet shop

[Hamburger Pimp]

Nice gag, B2ET_M

[Joe Rooney]

Joe, can you get your grandchild to sort my mouse problem?

Afraid not Colonel, for that you need her oldest brother Aaron, at 9 he is the technical opinion specialist.

Last year I was having trouble with my mouse. It kept skipping over the pad, and would not go where I wanted. Aaron, looking over my shoulder told me that I had an old ball thing. This was I gathered "not cool" whatever that may mean! Instead I needed to get a new "floating mouse", that would do it, and presumably make me faintly cool.

At my local electronics store I talked to the tech advisor, and he told me the same thing, in grownup language. So bought one took it home, installed it. It worked, although I had noticed that it had no ball, just a strange red light that shone onto the pad, but it worked!

Aaron was impressed, especially since his grumpy grandpa had taken his advice. I guess that I will have to keep him after all. Not just for techy advice, but mainly because he the only one of the four of them who shows a glimmer of future intelligence. He is a voracious reader, but is not above reading the "Boys annual" or "Beano" that I givce them for christmas each year. The others play interminable electronic games, and he does occasionally, but his real passion is reading. Perhaps in the near future he can explain to me what happened to my hero "Biggles". And after thet Dickens, perhaps we can start with A tale of two cities.

But that is the future. We will see.

Joe

[Pencil_Neck]

Clean the mouse ball, always a winner

[threegee]

Clean the mouse ball, always a winner

Actually, it's the rollers that collect the gunge. The ball acts as a sort of offset-litho printer and transfers the grease and hair to the rollers. Scrape them off with a something not too sharp, use a cotton bud for the final clean, and, for good measure maybe give the ball a scrub in hot soapy water, and towel dry it before refitting. Then, good as new!

I've used optical mice ever since Logitech introduced the first ones with special mouse pads, twenty odd years ago - about £50 a throw then - and wouldn't use anything else. They produced the first one without a special pad too. A principal since extensively copied - including by copycat Microslop! I'm still using the original ten year old one of those right now. Magic!

[Denzel]

Excellent reference to the vagaries of offset-litho print, well done that man. Personally I prefer web print simply because of it's ability to produce a high volume of publications at minimal cost. Don't get me started on screen printing.

[Hamburger Pimp]

Stand down the grandchildren, Joe. My mouse is working again!

It seems there was dirty work at the crossroads and my system file had been hacked. The nice people at Microsoft had the solution though.

GIDDY UP!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sw@lnalla]

Blakoe energiser works for me........lol

[Dave]

Not to bother checking this site for any good banter, as the atmosphere has been sucked right out of it

[Pencil_Neck]

Not to bother checking this site for any good banter, as the atmosphere has been sucked right out of it

Bad day

[Dave]

Not to bother checking this site for any good banter, as the atmosphere has been sucked right out of it

And another thing life taught me today. People can never have enough money ... Owen for example .. pocketing almost 14500 quid a day on the sick with a bad knee and then wanting to go home after getting better . (If rumours have any truth in them) Waste of money on a washed up poster boy that no serious team wanted due to his knackered leg!!!!!!

[Blank]

And another thing life taught me today. People can never have enough money ... Owen for example .. pocketing almost 14500 quid a day on the sick with a bad knee and then wanting to go home after getting better . (If rumours have any truth in them) Waste of money on a washed up poster boy that no serious team wanted due to his knackered leg!!!!!!

Michael Owen sucks tool.

[Cympil]

Michael Owen sucks tool.

If saying "chuff" and "wizards sleeve" in the same sentence is crude and gets moderated,then "sucks tool" will def get moderated,unless you were on about a spanner

[Monsta®]

If saying "chuff" and "wizards sleeve" in the same sentence is crude and gets moderated,then "sucks tool" will def get moderated,unless you were on about a spanner

i think she meant "he sucks !*!@#!" :lol:

[Cympil]

i think she meant "he sucks !*!@#!" :lol:

[Guest missvic]

If saying "chuff" and "wizards sleeve" in the same sentence is crude and gets moderated,then "sucks tool" will def get moderated,unless you were on about a spanner

Ah, further references to our Russian friends!

[Sw@lnalla]

i think she meant "he sucks !*!@#!" :lol:

Very adult