Stir the eggnog, lift the toddy, Happy New Year everybody!

Canny lass · December 31, 2022

I know I'm a bit early but I've guests arriving in a half hour.

Ladies and gentlemen!
This is the chief stewardess speaking! All passengers travelling on flight number 2023 should now prepare for exit through gate number 2022. On behalf of the captain and his crew I welcome you on board.

The journey will take 12 months, our ETA is midnight 2023 and your captain, Andy, and his crew do not expect any delays that cannot be overcome by twiddling the right knobs, pulling the right levers and possibly recruiting the help of a higher power – 3g.

No grief, disappointment or negativity will be allowed on this flight! This should be left in the waste-bin provided to the right of the exit at gate 2022! We may meet a little turbulence during the flight but this usually lasts for a short while only. However, it is advisable to keep your seat belt fastened and at least one hand over your drink throughout the journey.

On board this flight we will be serving a simple meal comprising: friendship, Bedlington history, a bit of good old-fashioned banter, a modicum of common sense and (if the cook hasn’t been at the sherry) a lot of laughs.

Our journey towards the future goes by way of Good Health, Good friends, and Happiness. I wish you all a pleasant journey through 2023. Enjoy the flight and please press the button over your head to call my attention if you need my assistance but woe betide anyone who disturbs my snacking /drinking in the galley kitchen situated to the rear of this aircraft.

Have a good one!

P.S. I’m not making resolutions this year. No one likes a skinny, sober bitch anyway.