Brian Cross

Ah Keith what you have to do for fashion eh !!

I don't know if this counts as i did not actually meet these folks.......A long time ago i was riding my Harley in Canberra in the ACT as i turned onto the main road i spotted a motorcade up ahead so being a nosey geordie lad i sped up until i was alongside the main limo and and when i looked in to see who was there behold it was the Queen and Phil and they were not impressed and neither were the Federal police who guided me onto a side road to question me in depth..........there thats it

Thanks for the pics Malcolm and Adam

Two Irishmen were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf. Jimmy said, "I'm gonna do dat when I win da lottery.†"What's dat den?†asks Mikey. "Send me lawn away to be mowed."

Love it boyo

Not this Brian let me assure you all !!

Well done Keith keep it going mate ............

I remember the Lynns butcher shop in the oval well, is the original Don still with us

To say nowt about there lovely pork pies................

Thanks Keith

Soory Ladies A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgae, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner. The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet? The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'." The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep." Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. She says: "Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once! Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?" The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret. The water does !*!@# all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

Is the gym equipment in the halfpennys or the free woods.

Good one Mal

19 Icould lose 19 yrs and still be an old codger Happy Birthday Adam.................

TIMBUKTU - A RIPPER The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was 'TIMBUKTU' First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said: "Slowly across the desert sand, Trekked a lonely caravan Men on camels two by two Destination - Timbuktu." The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought. The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited: "Me and Tim a huntin' went, Met three whores in a pop up tent, They were three, and we was two So I bucked one, and tim buktu." The aboriginal won.

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner Here's a little fact for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls. Control yourself !!!

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, Grandad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . Easy, boy." Another outburst, and she hears the grandad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy" At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Grandad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . . . The little bastard's name is Kevin."

A painter by the name of Paddy Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, Was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to him in the town of Doolin, County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses. One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked Paddy if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request, Paddy was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $10,000. Not wanting to get into any marital strife, Paddy asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint ya in da nude alright . but I has to at least leave me socks on so I has a place to wipe me brushes."....................

"FATHER OF THE YEAR†A man boarded a plane with six kids. (gutsy guy!) After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours ?" He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints. " WISH I COULD THINK THAT QUICKLY

Hope you enjoyed the day Micky P

Thanks for the info Hardy ta mate

Not a problem Canny lass

To most southerners England ends within eyesight of the Thames and the north is Luton, Hardy I am also interested in Coopers what would you pay for a pristine example ??

Her hair was up in a pony tail, Her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, And she couldn't wait to go. But her mummy tried to tell her, That she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not understand, If she went to school alone. But she was not afraid; She knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates Of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, For her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, She tried to keep her daughter home. But the little girl went to school Eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees A dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, For everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats One by one the teacher called A student from the class. To introduce their daddy, As seconds slowly passed. At last the teacher called her name, Every child turned to stare. Each of them was searching, A man who wasn't there. 'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out. 'She probably doesn't have one,' Another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, She heard a daddy say, 'Looks like another deadbeat dad, Too busy to waste his day.' The words did not offend her, As she smiled up at her Mum. And looked back at her teacher, Who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, Slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, Came words incredibly unique. 'My Daddy couldn't be here, Because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, Since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, And how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories He taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, And taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, And ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. 'Cause my daddy's always with me, Even though we are apart I know because he told me, He'll forever be in my heart' With that, her little hand reached up, And lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, Beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, Her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, Who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love Of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, Doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, Staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, But its message clear and loud. 'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, But heaven's just too far. You see, he was an Aussie soldier And died, just this, past year When a roadside bomb hit his convoy And taught, Australians to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.' And then she closed her eyes, And saw him there that day. And to her mothers amazement, She witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, All starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, Who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, They saw him at her side. 'I know you're with me Daddy,' To the silence she called out. And what happened next made believers, Of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, For each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, Was a fragrant long-stemmed rose. http://65.55.174.199...772d&oneredir=1 And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, By the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, That heaven is never too far.

The Penis Poem--by Willie Nelson My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, To find the !*!@# ' thing. It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave. For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues. To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!!