Brian Cross

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ... Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog !*!@#!" Then I would say,"It is dog !*!@#. Wanna buy a toothbrush?" "I used the governmental approach of giving you something !*!@# for free, and then making you pay to get the !*!@# taste out of your mouth."

So why did the English wear red coats in battle??? A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began to question him. Finally as an afterthought, the French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?" In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic. And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina when making love." So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said "Do you have any Rye bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves." She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard" He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows all about this stuff but me."

Good post tomtom

Good luck with it naomi great cause sorry for your loss

Does anyone know if Megrahi escaped the bombings in Libya or has he perished during a bombing raid trying to save Gaddafi ?

Fantastic loved every minute of it thanks Malcolm

Good one Keith

R.I.P Peter Falk

63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. Police are attributing the blame to AL IKEA.

Stew died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy. The three men had always done everything together. Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Mick said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Mick said, 'Nope, ain't Stew.' The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Paddy in to confirm the identity of the body. Paddy looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.' The mortician rolled him over and Paddy said, 'No, it ain't Stew.' The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?' Paddy said, 'Well, Stew had two !*!@# 'What? He had two !*!@# asked the mortician. 'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: There's Stew with them two !*!@#.'

Good one short and sweet.

WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a massive failure because of the following: 1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. 2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. 3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. 4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. 5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. 6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. 7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. 8. In the Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big passionate kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that!?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" "I can understand that, "replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Alex?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.--

They just can't help themselves can they ours are the same.

I answered the door the other night, and there were two police officers One held up a photo and said is this your wife? Yes it is, I replied. I'm sorry to say this said one of the police officers, but it looks like she's been hit by a bus. I know, I replied, but she's got a lovely personality.

Musta been weel off 3G eating ham ?

Happy Birthday to my mate Monsta i hope you enjoy it .............

Good luck with the job Keith

TOUGH TIMES AHEAD This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Emigration, Mohammed Omar warned Australia that if military action against Iraq & Afghanistan continues, Taliban authorities will cut off Australia's supply of Cab Drivers and if this action does not yield sufficient results, Telstra Customer Service Reps will be next, followed by Centrelink Officers, Telemarketers and finally, Queensland Doctors. THIS IS GETTING UGLY!!!!!!

doesn't take long does it.............

All the best mickypotts have a good one.........

I saw on the news the Americans have got Osama i wonder what will happen now ..........

A belated Happy Birthday wish to Brettly and David Mc hope you both had a good one.