Brian Cross

An old bloke, about 65, got a job interview. The personnel officer asked him "what is your greatest weakness"? The old bloke replied " my honesty." The personnel officer said "I don't think that is a weakness". The old bloke replied "I don't give a f**k what you think."

AN OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR SHUFFLED INTO TOWN LEADING A TIRED OLD > MULE. THE OLD WOMAN HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE ONLY SALOON TO CLEAR HER > PARCHED THROAT. > > SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCH RAIL. AS SHE > STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A > YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND > A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. > > > THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, SAYING > "HEY" OLD WOMAN HAVE YOU EVER DANCED" > > > THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER > DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO." > > A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID, "WELL, > YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD > WOMAN'S FEET. > > THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR - NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF > -STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. > > WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL > LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE > SALOON. > > THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A > DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. > > THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. THE > CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY. > > THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND > VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. > > THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN > AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS. > > THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S > HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS? > > THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO MAAM... BUT... I'VE > ALWAYS WANTED TO." > > THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS FOR US ALL HERE: > > 1 - Never be arrogant.. > 2 - Don't waste ammunition. > 3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. > 4 - Always, always make sure you know who has the power. > 5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid... > > I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Hi Tony P Bugs are delicious also known as Morton Bay bugs they are similar in texture and taste to a Lobster some times they are boiled until cooked some people do them in a seafood sauce but any way way you will like them i am sure Brisbane is nice and Scarbourgh is a nice suburb.

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?* The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .' The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.' A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, 'So, where does that guy go when he leaves?' Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,.......... 'Your house!

Stay safe Vic i hope the worst is over

Hello Kev welcome mate

I'm with you Vic

Beef or pork they both made the most delicious dip

They are well fed almost full size (around 485 grms) and the first batch of eggs are due out of the incubator to-day

The sugar in newspaper resembling a small hat

Any idea of the year Maggie ?

My Grandad Albert Moore Gibbon was killed six days before this war finished near a town in France named Awoight and he is buried in the British cemetary there

Have a good'un Adam

THE AUSTRALIAN APPROACH > >A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. > >The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?' The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.' > >The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job. > >His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. > >After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many sales did you make today?' > >The Aussie said 'One!' The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. > >How much was the sale for? '£124,237.64p.' The manager choked and exclaimed,‣124,237.64!! What the hell did you sell him?' > >'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod.' > >'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department >and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.' > >'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4x4. > >The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?' > >'No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said, ' Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing.'

Scamchuns or Scratchings all the same delicious when you a hungry kid ................

Sorry HPW i forgot to include the Tune

I can remember my Granma putting words to this tune; Al of a sudden a big black puddin went flying thru the air it missed me Mutha and hit me Fatha and knocked him off his chair............................ and so on

hope you enjoyed yourself Pottsie

Happy Birthday and have blinder

Hello Russ welcome to our site enjoy

Duz tha speak Yorkshire? Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth. Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum" ............................................................................. A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat." Vet: "Is it a tom?" Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us." ............................................................................ A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!" ............................................................................. The last is always best Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?" Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

i also have 10 Buff and light Sussex .........great eggs

Are they jumbo Quail Mal .........I am hoping to sell mine to restaurants here for $15 each and fertile eggs for $10 a doz

Thanks for the info Eggy my bird ratio is 1:5 but i can easily get another cock bird if anyone is interested you can google homestead quail and take a look at their site

To-day is Anzac day i didn't make the dawn service but one of my sons did. They went with songs to the battle, they were young. Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow. They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted, They fell with their faces to the foe. They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, We will remember them. They mingle not with their laughing comrades again; They sit no more at familiar tables of home; They have no lot in our labour of the day-time; They sleep beyond England's foam