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Everything posted by Malcolm Robinson
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Probably the guy I knew who looked after the pit ponies.............I did the back brakes on it, forget what the axle was off.
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Good Jokes: Not For The Faint-Hearted (Adult content)
Malcolm Robinson replied to a topic in Chat Central
A worrying thought for 2012 ... 10 years ago Bob Hope died 5 years ago Johnny Cash died A couple of months ago Steve Jobs died A few weeks ago Jimmy Saville died Now we have no Hope, no Cash, no Jobs and nobody left to Fix It Let's hope nothing happens to Ed Balls! -
Good Jokes: Not For The Faint-Hearted (Adult content)
Malcolm Robinson replied to a topic in Chat Central
Mexican Oysters A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?' The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!' The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.' The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.' The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.' The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins. -
Good Jokes: Not For The Faint-Hearted (Adult content)
Malcolm Robinson replied to a topic in Chat Central
After finishing her shift as a nurse A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Hi sweetheart," he says, "your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello to them? -
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Having just read through the latest high street regeneration initiative led by Mary Portas and the Local Government Minister where they are looking for 12 towns to become "˜Portas Pilots' I did have a fleeting moment of madness and think about applying for Bedlington to be considered, the £100K would have been handy! On closer inspection however the criteria laid down for Towns to be considered would have been a nightmare to get into place within the 6 weeks left for applicants. Even if that was possible the "˜vision' needed to change the fortunes of our Town would have taken a superhuman effort and meant each and every facet of our townscape infrastructure had to play a serious and demanding role. Possible, yes theoretically, but the fractured nature of our Town's infrastructure means that in practice it would be neigh on impossible. Having just spoken to a regional retail business who have closed down a local branch and asked why, the answer wasn't surprising. Seems the ever increasing rent and rates were the deciding factors and in times where there is less and less disposable income due to family core inflation leading to a decrease in most types of purchases the writing could be on the wall for many more businesses. Not only have we that to consider in our Town but the very topographical nature of our High Street makes it very difficult to adapt to the changing retail needs now insisted upon by consumers. Competition with the out of town retail malls is all but impossible for any small owner operator. It is hardly surprising that we are haemorrhaging national chains and even the small vocational type businesses are struggling. Many are putting their hopes in the much heralded Tesco development as a means of regenerating our Town but looking at their business model where smaller retailers cannot hope to compete and the fact that the main entrance will be at what is considered to be the back of the shop opposite their now private car park, even if it does attract shoppers from outside the immediate area will they and the notes in their pockets make the trek onto the high street? Interesting segment in our local paper last week, in the "˜'All our Yesterday's'' column. Seems BUDC (Bedlington Urban District Council) had plans for a major development of the Town's infrastructure way back in 1962 with "˜space age shopping facilities, hotels, swimming baths and residential development'. Where did that go wrong, ah yes, we jumped into bed with the wrong option at the creation of WDC! Do we need a viable high street, unequivocally yes, because it presents a commercial face to what is fast becoming dormitory Town status! The Town is already being threatened with second tier status in the considerations going through County Council as they work on their Local Development Framework without some action we might even drop into 3rd tier status, not a good result for our once proud Town.
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Anyone Know What This Is........
Malcolm Robinson replied to Malcolm Robinson's topic in Chat Central
:lol: I think Monsta has posted recently...17th Jan to be precise. -
Like a Community Orchard?????? Community groups and organisations are being given the opportunity to "sponsor a tree†at a new community orchard set to be created in Bedlington. The orchard will be based at The Lodge, on the grounds of St Benet Biscop High School, and will feature approximately 80 new fruit trees, which are due to be planted on Friday 3rd February. Social enterprise Leading Link, who are running the project and also manage The Lodge, are offering local community groups and other organisations the opportunity to sponsor a tree for its lifetime for a one-off fee of £10 which will include a plaque with your project, agency or group. Groups will get a photograph with their tree and a plaque by it commemorating their sponsorship. The trees will maintained regularly by a group of young people from a horticultural group based at St Benet Biscop High School. This orchard will link with the formal community sensory garden that we are starting to develop at Easter which will be open to everyone in the community to enjoy. Once the fruit is harvested, the students will make and show others the correlation between the likes of a pot of jam and the raw material of a plum.
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I take it you are not a Royalist then Symptoms
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Try this, not the best to navigate mind! http://publicaccess.northumberland.gov.uk/online-applications/applicationDetails.do?activeTab=externalDocuments&keyVal=LUNDPTQS04I00
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This puts one side of the Coalition right in the do do.......... http://uk.news.yahoo.com/chris-huhne--speeding-charge-.html
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Its true though!!!!! Not too far behind Station Terrace and probably quite near to or even on top of the old quarry. 70+ metres high..............
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Good Jokes: Not For The Faint-Hearted (Adult content)
Malcolm Robinson replied to a topic in Chat Central
>WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE...... > > >Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. > >The only question asked was: > >"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food >shortage in the rest of the world?" > > >The survey was a massive failure because of the following: > >1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. > >2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. > >3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. > >4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. > >5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. > >6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. > >7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. > >8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent. -
It's just dawned on me.... My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Doctor once a year for his check-up, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighbourhood in a house that is much larger than he needs and he is Not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick ........ OMG! I think my dog is a member of Parliament!
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Very good, ABTW that Talbot is about 1938 vintage. As for the Volvo, I had the obligatory white one............
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Fast moving stuff...........This could get very scary very quickly and with a bunch of half-wits in charge it probably will. At 14.30 precisely today, Athens categorically rejected the German proposal to cede control over its budget to the European Union as a precondition for the second bailout package for Greece. "We can never accept this. A similar proposal was made in the past by a Dutch minister. We will not even discuss it†senior governmental sources told Athens News Agency.
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Stop Press………………………………. Stone the crows the very latest attempt by the Troika to solve the Greek crisis is something of slap in the face for democracy and self-rule! Effectively what they have just done is take control of a sovereign state and impose their own rules and regulations citing Greece's failure to impose Troika mandated cuts and asset sell offs and (here's the real cruncher!) all Greek State income to go first to creditors – by law. That is taxpayers, few of them as is, actually paying Hedge fund bonuses directly! This could easily be replicated in Portugal, Spain etc. if it works in Greece and could be the blueprint for the Federalist EU which the likes of Madam l'Orange says they are in fact working towards. It's one thing holding a national referendum asking everyone if they agree to closer ties with other sovereign states, quite another to forcibly impose a takeover! Looks to me like fascism is alive and well in the corridors of power within the EU and once again it might well be down to the people to see through it and act accordingly. Rope and lampposts come to mind!
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Following on from the HSBC "˜desertion' we now see the Lloyds TSB branch in Bedlington is on the "˜get rid of' list otherwise called "Project Verde". "˜'Project Merde"˜' more like as this could leave our Town without a banking presence on our high street, something which always calls into question the credibility of any small Town. Who have we to thank for this intrusion, none other than the European Union who "˜Dictated' that Lloyds TSB has to shed 620 branches in the name of greater banking competition within the UK. Greater competition is all fine and dandy and the spoiler is always that it is in the interest of the customer but in this case how can that be true? It could be that a group such as the Co-Op bank or even Virgin Money (AKA, Northern Rock and wouldn't that be an intriguing possibility after multi-millionaire Applegarth closed our Rock branch not so long ago in pursuit of his unsustainable financial dreams!) takes them or some over. Whatever happens there is one group of people who have never been consulted; us, the punters, the customers, the great unwashed, which seems a bit of an oversight as all this is being done, supposedly, in our interests. You have to wonder if these decision makers ever come out of their ivory towers and actually mingle with "˜normal' people, I'm not even sure they are on the same planet!
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Great news John..........
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If this is true you really couldn't make the stuff up!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financialcrisis/9036199/Tainted-former-EC-president-Jacques-Santer-to-raise-money-for-EU-bail-outs.html
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Good Jokes: Not For The Faint-Hearted (Adult content)
Malcolm Robinson replied to a topic in Chat Central
SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.' The room erupted in applause DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.