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Malcolm Robinson

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Everything posted by Malcolm Robinson

  1. Malcolm Robinson
    Micky, Are we getting the same round robin e-mails? "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke
  2. Malcolm Robinson
    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
  3. Malcolm Robinson
    "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright
  4. Malcolm Robinson
    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
  5. Malcolm Robinson
    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra
  6. Malcolm Robinson
    "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy
  7. Malcolm Robinson
    Spotted on the side of a bottle of Wicked........ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
  8. Malcolm Robinson
    I have turned to drink keith............... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers………… Thanks Cliff Clavin…….
  9. Malcolm Robinson
    You do know about my other job........working for a Xmas cracker company!
  10. Malcolm Robinson
    Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
  11. Malcolm Robinson
    If olive oil comes from olives and nut oil comes from nuts where does baby oil come from?
  12. Malcolm Robinson
    Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.......definition: Fear of long words!!!!!!!!!!!!
  13. Malcolm Robinson
    If ASDA is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet?
  14. Malcolm Robinson
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
  15. Malcolm Robinson
    Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
  16. Malcolm Robinson
    They call it "PMS" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
  17. Malcolm Robinson
    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  18. Malcolm Robinson
    So true.............. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
  19. Malcolm Robinson
    Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
  20. Malcolm Robinson
    By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
  21. Malcolm Robinson
    I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
  22. Malcolm Robinson
    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  23. Malcolm Robinson
    Just for keith!!!!!!!!!! Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the County Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
  24. Malcolm Robinson
    :jump: :jump:
  25. Malcolm Robinson
    Just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for Ashington. I told him no with my luck I'd probably win it!
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