Malcolm Robinson

I have turned to drink keith............... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers………… Thanks Cliff Clavin…….

You do know about my other job........working for a Xmas cracker company!

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

If olive oil comes from olives and nut oil comes from nuts where does baby oil come from?

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.......definition: Fear of long words!!!!!!!!!!!!

If ASDA is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet?

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

They call it "PMS" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

So true.............. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Just for keith!!!!!!!!!! Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the County Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

Nice to have you aboard Canny Lass..........

:jump: :jump:

Just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for Ashington. I told him no with my luck I'd probably win it!

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

Not exactly 'listen with mother' eh John............... Nice job though.

Looks like the UK is being lined up to take part in the Great Euro Default Swap Game 2011. Although we are not in the Euro, Frau Merkel is insisting all 27 European Union nations take part in the Greek default. The American position will be interesting as they hold about $125B of default credit swaps! So Merlin your taxes are going to be used to 'support' the Greek position………..which is basically throwing money away! Pity they couldn't throw it in our direction! Italy is coming up hard on the rails now…….10yrs bonds 5.5% and a closure of her stock market to stop sellers dumping Italian banking shares! Time to stock up on tinned goods and gold!

Lap dancers foxy? They would have to be 9 foot giants to lap dance if you sat at one of those high chairs!

I said last year that I thought the Red Lion under Wetherspoons would produce a reaction in the other hostelries and I would point to the 'churn rate' in management in them to prove the point. Also the community centre had its bars ripped out, the Town Council said they didn't want to compete with an already fragile bar trade in the Town? I think it's just a sign of the times we live in nowadays. There are a couple of points, other than the extraordinary time it takes sometimes to get served even when there are more bar staff than punters wanting to order, and they are the mountaineering efforts it take to get to the loos and the grappling hooks it take to get onto the high chairs at the high tables. Maybe it's just me but if it is all about customer service the loos should be accessible and you should feel comfortable in a place which is primarily for seated clients? BTW, I have been told the Red Lion has cheaper prices than the Electric Wizard at Morpeth so even Wetherspoons recognise price differentials and demographics!

By you're in a fine fettle Merlin, good to have you back! I agree what you are saying and if you look closer at the figures there would seem even more reason to be annoyed. I could easily take pot shots at all sections of government, national, county even local, 40 years of having our needs and aspirations ignored has left a legacy of broken promises and an infinite list of grievances! BUT……. Leaving all past history aside it is time to be far more proactive as a community and start working towards and demanding the improvements we want for our Town. There are now community groups in place starting to do that and others like County Church and their Community Hub which are more quietly going about it. If no one else is going to do it we will have to do it for ourselves! What everyone one of them needs is community support because they have to show they are only promoting the needs and ambitions of a progressive community. (So get your backside back onto the Gallagher Park thread and list some ideas you might have for that area. No one is making any promises other than every suggestion will go into the mix and hopefully produce a sensible and achievable master plan for developing the Park.) BTW, I would like to thank the two people who wrote into the NPL and had their letters published saying they agreed with what I had said. You don't get that very often usually letters are published which disagree with previous ones so I am even more convinced there is a groundswell of opinion out there which recognises our current plight and would like to see something done about it.