Malcolm Robinson

This is starting to turn into a conspiracist's wet dream! Is he dead? Did he die 10 years ago? Why chuck his body into the sea?

Probably, this has re-elected Obama next year. Having said they will ramp up terrorist acts if their leader was killed expect more draconian security measures!

Spanish unemployment has risen from 20.3% to 21.3% so there are now nearly 5 million unemployed Spaniards. To add to this country's problems March retail sales fell by 8.5% on an annualised basis and youth unemployment is said to be over 50% in the 4 largest autonomous regions, plus Ceuta and Melilla. There remains over 1m unsold new houses and the banks that are financing this with at least €100bn overhang and are not exactly being transparent about the status of the loans. And on top of that, interest rates are rising (mortgages are mostly linked to Euribor) and inflation, too. If Spain goes so does the Euro in its present guise! Most of this stuff came out yesterday, now what was on yesterday that might make it a good day for releasing bad news……………

Foxy, Easiest way is to open up the original youtube video on their site, copy the web address at the top of the page, it should have the dedicated video address, and paste it into an e-mail. You won't get the player but whoever you send it to will get a hyperlink.

For the PC brigade..........

Even though I have given up on the ''Greece and the EU'' thread on the other board I still like to keep up with what's going on there. It is now worth considering what all the EU/ECB/IMF intervention has produced in the last year for that country. As I said I believe the real story is in the bond markets and looking at them……… 12 months ago when Greece was considered a serious risk to EU stability or in crisis, Greek two-year government bond yield was 5.79% and the ten-year was 6.53%. Lately they closed at 22.07% and 14.87% respectively and the changes are rather eloquent about what has happened over the past year. Under Trichet the Triumvirate has ploughed billions of Euros into Greece and insisted on severe austerity measures and for what result, she has even less chance of being independent than ever! Now that's either incompetence on a grand scale or the systems being employed are not up to the job. Whichever way you cut it's not hard to see why more and more Greek people are taking to the streets. Looking at external debt to GDP percentages we can really see the horror stories about to come……….. Italy's is 127%, The US is running close to 100% at present, while Greece's is 161%. Spain's, on the other hand, is 171%. Germany, for all of its vaunted "strength”, runs 178% of GDP, Portugal is at 214% and Ireland is running an unbelievable 1267%. What are we in the UK……………..398%!!!!!!!!!

A US Navy Aircraft Carrier anchors off Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: No Jews please." Sending a written message by his own yeoman, the captain replied: Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending four of my best and most prized officers. One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design. The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern University in Chicago , with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Masters Degree and PhD are in Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate. The third officer is also a lieutenant, with degrees in both computer systems and information technology from SMU and he is awaiting notification on his Doctoral Dissertation from Cal Tech. Finally, the fourth officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship?s doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina . We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda . Upon receiving this letter, Melinda?s mother was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by four handsome naval officers without peer (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous). At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, four handsome, smiling Black officers. Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, "There must be some mistake." "No, Madam," said the first officer. "Captain Goldberg never makes a mistake."

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so try this one:- An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli ,a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek,a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African went to a night club. The bouncer said "Sorry, I cant let you in without a Thai"

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS 1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddendly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with One of his medications. �Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA. 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered .. . . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR 6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' �It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste. Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit.

bettyboo, So that the wider community has an opportunity to become involved in the BMX Track and the surrounding park, George Webster is holding the Annual General Meeting of the Friends of Gallagher Park at the Salvation Army Hall Bedlington. FRIENDS OF GALLAGHER PARK AGM Monday 9th May 6.30pm

So that the wider community has an opportunity to become involved in the BMX Track and the surrounding park, George Webster is holding the Annual General Meeting of the Friends of Gallagher Park at the Salvation Army Hall Bedlington. Please support a worthy cause. FRIENDS OF GALLAGHER PARK AGM Monday 9th May 6.30pm

Keith, Don't get me wrong I think teaching is one of the most valued jobs within any society, I just think they are picking the wrong fight at the wrong time. We are all taking a hit on living standards, that's what the cuts and austerity packages are all about, as some sort of equilibrium to our economy is attempted. (BTW, I don't think anything like it will be achieved because we need real growth and austerity packages damage that possibility and government spending will be even greater than what it is now at the end of this term so how…….) I have said for a long time public sector pension provision is a black hole and one which will become unaffordable because of its makeup. It's not the 'normal' guys who we see every day working it's the likes of these people…….. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1302312/500k-year-Northumberland-council-boss-retired-golden-goodbye.html

Looks likely we will see all sorts of unrest this summer........and to kick it off, the Teachers. I do have a problem with what they are saying........''The unions are concerned that the coalition's changes to public-sector pensions will leave them paying more, working longer and receiving less when they retire'' What like the rest of us!!!!!!!!! http://beta.uk.news.yahoo.com/prospect-teachers-strike-grows-230832703.html

Seems not everywhere is in favour of a Tesco branch..........then again it might just be anarchists? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1379581/Riot-Bristol-Tesco-petrol-bombed-160-officers-swoop-arrest-4-squatters.html

very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!" "OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer. (keep reading) "My Rolex !!"

Just found this........... http://www.bobjude.co.uk/recipes/pease.html

last two letters make a world of difference foxy!

On a really hot day, four nuns were assigned to paint a room in their church. After sweating for a few hours in those black robes, they decided to take off all their clothes and paint naked. An hour later, someone knocked on the door of the church. "Who is it?" they called out. "I'm the blind man," came the reply. The nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see them. They opened the door and led him to the room they were painting. They were surprised when he walked around the room with no difficulty. "Okay, sisters," he said, "where do you want the blinds?"

Friday nights in Bedders..............

Nice..........

Unbelievable!!!!

Early.......late.............

I think the last sentence says it all Brettly, we are making do with either a bad system or an even worse one. Also the problem with referendums, all the power resides with the questions setters!

DEMENTIA QUIZ: FIRST QUESTION: YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON, WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST, THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE! TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME. NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION, BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIMEAS YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK? SECOND QUESTION: IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE.....? (SCROLL DOWN) ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE..... WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON?? YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU? THIRD QUESTION: VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE: THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY. DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR. TRY IT. TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30. ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 10.. WHAT IS THE TOTAL? SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER..... ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ DID YOU GET 5000? THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100... IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR! TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT? MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE... FOURTH QUESTION: MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS: 1. NANA, 2. NENE, 3... NINI, 4. NONO, AND ??? 2. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER?~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T. HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN! OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND, I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF: A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH. BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE. NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS? ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT... DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK?? IF SO DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOUR ANSWERS FOR THIS TEST! ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage............ 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ashington, and mine is in Bedlington. 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburettor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake." 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!". 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"