Malcolm Robinson

Happy birthday Swalnalla, hope you are fit and well.

OK second reply then! Hope to see you next time there is some fundraising to do..............

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day" Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. How long will this take?" I asked. They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies. I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat he said "Worked for your bum, didn ' t it?" He ' s still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. Stupid, stupid man

Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.' Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'

And if we are not talking about the Xmas lighting displays the same goes as the recent upgrades in street furniture etc which have been due to external funding "found" by community groups, inc the Forum, in "partnership" with WDC. With a million squid on the cards to come the town's way we should see some real worthwhile upgrades soon, as long as it isn't lost in this local gov reorganisation of course! It is all about local people getting off their backsides to make the changes they want to see. Bedlington has never been able to rely on WDC to do very much for it now the message seems to be getting through and we see local people empowering themselves to get things moving. This web site is a prime example and probably led the way!!!!!! (Ex B, thanks for the card arrived today!)

Hang on a darn toot'n minute Monsta....... Most of the street decorations are down to Bedlington Forum group, and one or two individuals in particular(!), with some input off the COT. Next year might be a whole lot different as the costs which are met through public inscription are getting so high it is becoming impossible to keep paying for them. WDC will not include these displays on their public liability insurence and the cost of that is astronomical for any "private" body! Each display has to be bought out of donations and each one checked before it goes up. Then someone has to actually put them up so there is a lot of work involved, so if anyone gets a "thank you" for the lighting displays it shoud be Mr Oliver, Bedlington Forum, not WDC!!!!!!!!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it is Wally. Again he is ready for action. Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newly-weds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action. And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally." Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean I was here already?" The moral of the story: Senior moments have their advantages.

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me. "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked. "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!" "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight." The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

Good "blog" missvic, perhaps a weekly diary might be in order?

I think the Front Street is too long in a commercial sense, it should have been shrunk years ago amassing most of the outlying retailers into a single unit, preferably the Gap Site area. The Law Courts, as retail outlets, could easily have been joined into such a unit and if needed the development carried right along up to the Netto's unit. This could have focused shopping into much smaller area and used the "free parking" available, thereby addressing what is now second nature to the shopping public. Without that what we will no doubt see now is more and more empty retail units once Tesco gets under way. The sleepy hamlet of Bedders where retailers have for too long been content to just survive is about to feel the impact of a large hungry commercial marketing giant! Things could have been so different but we have never seen anything thing like a loyalty scheme to repay customers for their patronage, the town marketed to bring punters in, or even just a hint that it is a market town in the county! In other words an integrated and cohesive strategy involving traders and council working alongside each other to benefit the commercial aspects of the Town. There is even a portal on this site which says "Special offers and discounts from qualified Bedlington traders." How many have taken that opportunity? These days it is no longer possible to amble along, a proactive stance is needed to make the town desirable to visitors from Morpeth, Ashington, Blyth and Cramlington, where by and large they each have pretty good shopping facilities and as often as not a professional to oversee it's commercial development! Most of the blame has to be laid at the feet of WDC who took the decision long ago that Ashington had to be the commercial heart of Wansbeck thereby relegating Belington to fighting for scraps! As for UBR!!! what a crock that was. As GGG said it meant retailers paying the same per square foot as any other shopping unit in the country and initially at least took no account of facilities! It was supposed to replace commercial rates and give everyone a flat platform to work from but in essence it was just another stealth tax and one which rises almost bi-annually! Instead of almost allowing WDC to set their own business rate top ups they should have been asked to explain what they were doing to enhance local businesses paying what they were paying never mind putting charges on top! It is the only overhead businesses have no control over and having to pay rise after rise no wonder there are so many charity shops! WDC always said business rates had nothing to do with them they only collected it for central government and literally they were right, but the money coming back from government to them is made up from the pots of business rates and income tax, both pots paid into by local businesses, so when you hear councilors saying they wish there were no businesses in the town as they get nothing from them you can only wonder what planet they are on!

96/97 ahh yes GGG heady days! That was when we tried to convince WDC that this Internet thingy would be an ideal tool to promote and use to develop Bedders, remember! Course their answer was a resounding “No, you cannot have the web site address on road signs or advertise it on roundabouts or put up a sign on the perimeter of the town, etc..” Short sighted, if only they had been that forward looking!

Try it if you are brave enough.......... http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm

I was just wondering what would have happened if the roles had been reversed? If the teacher was a Sudenise and the child wanting to call his teddy M..... English? Death chants for the child? Also shouldn't it be the inciters who carry the blame, ie, a classroom of kids! How come it is OK to call a child M.....but not a teddy bear anyway? I don't know anyone called Jesus Christ but I have heard a lot of people shouting for him! The whole thing is barmy and being used by religious zelots.

Does this mean that anyone dowloading say a large tec manual or a work presentation will be stopped? Inconvient......more like disruptive! Also a bit of a bad taste in the mouth when you consider it is a government dictating what we can and cannot have access to on something like the web. Anti "whatever" gov web sites next as a way to control their opposition?

M.H. Blackburn at the moment but one day he will be in the job...

Have to say Dave I always liked him and his way of playing, I would have made him capt long before now, but of late........no more capt fantastic!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk:80/money/main.j...MC-mcn_22112007 98 million will not be repaid, wish I had an unsecured loan with them!!!!! Does this mean the NEW board might face lawsuits, what about the old board, especially the CE who reportedly cashed in a couple of million quid late last year when the shares were over 12 quid! Now come on that is insider trading if there is ever a case!

HP, any thoughts on this weekeends lottery, you must have been about spot on timing wise............

That was a dire first half, in fact the whole match was pretty gruesome as far as England is concerned! Yes the manager has to take the bulk of the blame but the players............

England to win 6-0! They HAVE to come good sometime!

The governance of the country is starting to look like a joke, from any angle. These people couldn't run a raffle! Problem is I cannot see anyone else on any of the benches with the right questions never mind answers!

Looks like this might cost Darling his job.........but if we have only seen 20% of the fallout of bad lending where is the 80%?

Happy birthday, hope you have a good one.

I see your favorite directors resigned last Friday GGG, this looks like a very good job to me, you get paid based on your own projections and then when the doo doo hits the fan you can just walk away! I would like to see director share sales for the beginning of the year! Don't you get it monsta, these things do effect you in your everyday life. The economy, politics etc it all impacts on how you are able to live your life and you need to get the information right before you can make any plans...or in this topics case maybe put in some damage limitation.