keith lockey

You got there before me, Merc', I Know it was called the Trotter Fountain.

Somebody bought you a Tim Vine joke book for Christmas, didn't they, Malcolm.

I asked at the bookies what the SP stood for and was told Supermarket Produce.

AND HERE IT IS. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQJx9FZsgc4

HEY MATTHEW – KAREL FIALKO WELL DONE KEITH And have I have really gone OTT with your prize this time. For getting the connection, Keith, you have won Joan Collin's and Linda Evan's entire wardrobe for the Dallas series. So now you can go to the Red Lion in a multitude of padded shoulder, low-cut evening gowns all in an assortment of gaudy colours. You'll stand out a mile on Friday nights especially in the black maxi with matching earrings. On top of that you have won He-Man's leather harness and a year's subscription to the Men's BDSM gym in Pink Lane. (Watch the floor when you go in – it is covered in pound coins that have fallen out of people's pockets.) On top of that you have won a wing-walking experience on the Air Wolf or Blue Thunder. It will leave you in a spin. On top of that I have arranged an evening of pleasure and passion with Zelda from Terrahawks. Malcolm Robinson says she's hot, so wear your asbestos Y-Fronts. On top of that I have procured for you the Dukes of Hazard car and A-team van so you can drive around Bedlington in them and go to Tesco's for your shopping - and as an added bonus I have got you a Daffy Duck costume to wear whilst you're driving. I am just too good to you.

No, Keith, no trick. I have the youtube vid ready to post on this site. All the above appear in one song. Honest!

Daily Mail!!! I wouldn't wipe my **** with that rag. So it just shows how wrong you are about me, Maggie. But what logic can you not see. All I am saying is jumping in front of a horse is downright crazy. She could have done lots of other things at the race meeting that day to prove her point. I can only reiterate my argument - what if that jockey had died and left a family to grieve. What part of that 'logic' do you not understand?

I was in a restaurant in Cockneyland last week and I asked the chef if there was any horse meat on my plate. He went off in a rage and said he was certain there was no gee gee on my dish, in fact he would bet there wasn't - he said he would put a pony on it.

YES - one song contains all the above. (PS - just Roadrunner)

No, Maggie, I mean you should never give in to repression or tyranny. I was applauding such actions as Thermopylae, the Alamo or any other stand against suprresive regimes or institutes. In both those cases the ultimate sacrifice was made and they knew what the end result was going to be. But my main argument still holds where Emily Davison is concerned. Jumping in front of a horse is plain silly, no matter what the cause. That jockey could have died and left a grieving family. She should have realised that by her actions. The guy committed suicide years later saying he couldn't forget her face. How many people remember the jockey's name? Make a stand, by all means, but think of the consequences to other people before hand.

CLUE Single male artist, the song reached no 9 in 1987.

Hello Les, welcome onboard.

IT'S BACK...AAARRRGGGHHH! We're doomed...doomed. http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2013/feb/08/asteroid-will-miss-earth-says-nasa

I saw Dave come out of that drive the other week so that explains it. But tell me more about this music shop, Keith, neither me nor my bro can remember it. Was it instruments or vinyl records?

She says you are a strapping bloke. (or was that strap on?) She also says you are very funny, leastways she says you enjoy a gag and are you taking her angling, Keith, she mentioned something about bringing fishnets round to your house. Whatever, she reckons you'll bend over backwards for her, so good on you.

Amen to that, Symptoms.

That's just a nasty rumour spread by Delia the Dominatrix - anyway, she tells me to give you her regards, she hasn't seen you for a while.

OKAY MUSIC FANS - WHICH 1987 SONG CONNECTS ALL THESE?

That's the point I am trying to make, Maggie, and jumping in front of a horse is crazy - especially when people can get killed or seriuosly injured because of that act.

It was that or being strung up to the nearest lampost. But don't worry lads, the deal was just for one year of darkness - no probs to Bedlingtonians who have been kept in the dark for yonks.

Maggie, you talk about We would all fight against injustice and Social responsibility means standing up and being counted. Then you say my Arriiva bus example is crazy. Well I knew people whose very livelihoods were put at risk through bus changes - they could no longer get to work. I think that comes under injustice and social responsibility. But let's look at scenarios. What if someone had ran out to try to stop Emily Davison that fatal day - and in doing so got killed. What if that jockey had died - and left a wife and children. Now that latter scenario would have been ironic. A widowed woman bringing up children in those days - because another woman jumped in front of her husbands horse because of women's rights!!! Excuse the pun, but people want to take the blinkers off. It was an irresponsible act. So many things could have happened due to her action. She came out a hero; a martyr, but it would have been different if that jockey had died and left a grieving family. As I said above, she could have protested quite effectively in a number of ways. You talk of crazy. well walking in front of a horse to prove a point is crazy, but history has seen it otherwise and Emily Davison has her martydom.

Footage of the incident that I saw online said that there was no way she could have seen if it was the King's horse she was jumping in front of. (Because of the bend and crowd.) The footage is grainy and not very good so I don't know about that. I am not demeaning the whole affair; my argument is there was tons of other alternative gestures she could have made. She and her friends could have ran across the track with a banner and stopped the whole race; they could have paraded down the track like they do at Ascot (?) To me the Emily Davison incident is like jumping in front of a bus because Arriva is going to change the route and not go by your street anymore - yes you might make a point but if it is going to kill you its a bit of a Pyrrhic victory.

Sorry lads, it was the deal I made with Powergrid. I said they should put Terrier Close's lights back on but black out everyone else. I was under pressure from the residents of TC...for the people by the people.

Okay, look at it this way. What was she trying to do that day? Draw attention to the plight of females and the fact that they wanted the vote. (I'm simplifying things here.) Would it not have been better if Em and her cohorts had obtained a horse. (Don't say security would have stopped her because she managed to just walk onto the track.) So she obtains a horse and rides it in the race. 1) She shows the capability and resourcefulness of women in doing so. 2) She become a figurehead and highlights the Sufragette's cause. 3) She makes all the newspapers who take up the plight of women. 4) No one gets hurt! 5) Hollywood makes a film of the event years later with Meryl Streep as Emily Davison. And no, I'm not being flipant. There are martyrs who die for a cause and earnest believers who make a point and carry on promoting it. (There is no evidence that says Em planned on suicide is there?)

The jury is out with me and Emily Davison. I mean how can anyone inspire people by jumping in front of a horse!!! I would have been more inspired if she had become the first female jockey and rode Anmer to victory. Now that would have been one in the cap for the sufragettes!