April 19, 201313 yr A man calls home to his wife and says,"Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3-day weekend? ....And also,would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic?We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.." The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but,being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asks.Following the long weekend, he comes home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good.The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, 'Yes!Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. He says, "But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"The wife replies, "I did. They're in your tackle boxâ€. Never,Never, Never try to outsmart a woman!!!
April 22, 201313 yr Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old manWalking with his legs spread apart.He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.One student said to his friend:"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.Those people walk just like that."The other student says:"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached himAnd one of the students said to him,"We're medical students and couldn't helpBut notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.Could you tell us what it is?"The old man said,"I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"The old man said,"I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
April 29, 201313 yr just heard a great song.The lyrics are "pop pop pop pop, pop pop pop pop."Aparently it's bubble rap.
April 29, 201313 yr just heard a great song.The lyrics are "pop pop pop pop, pop pop pop pop."Aparently it's bubble rap.Bah !!!!!
April 29, 201313 yr I'm going to vote for that bloke Gallagher Park in the parish elections...he's got loads of friends.
April 29, 201313 yr I'm going to vote for that bloke Gallagher Park in the parish elections...he's got loads of friends.And he tells awful jokes as well Keith.
May 3, 201313 yr I was at Blyth today and there was a little bloke standing in the market place busking. He was wearing a medallion around his neck and he had soverign rings on every finger. As I drew closer he began to sing White Christmas and I suddenly realised it was Bling Crosby. Edited May 3, 201313 yr by keith lockey
May 4, 201313 yr I was at Blyth today and there was a little bloke standing in the market place busking. He was wearing a medallion around his neck and he had soverign rings on every finger. As I drew closer he began to sing White Christmas and I suddenly realised it was Bling Crosby.Dear Moderators, Surely there has to be laws in place to protect us from jokes claptrap such as the above. We all know by now that the author of such drivel is suffering from a rare condition known as ... (well it's so rare that it has not got a name yet --- suggestions please). Please could someone have a word in his proverbial shell like and let him know that none of us are interested in his forays to .... BLYTH. (rest of it was not too bad though) Edited May 4, 201313 yr by keith
May 4, 201313 yr wey i am not telling any more jokes on here..the only one i posted was removed and it was my best one..though probably did breach all the rules of the fourum..
May 12, 201313 yr I've just mixed some nitrous oxide with some oxo cubes...now I've got a laughing stock.
May 12, 201313 yr I agree its not a bad one, But don't encourage him Malcolm! We have enough Bad jokes from Councillor Keith.
May 12, 201313 yr Here's one take it or leave it:One day a man comes home with a new lie-detecting robot. So proud of his recent purchase it takes pride of place in the front room. That day the man's teenage son Tommy gets home from school two hours late. "Where have you been?" demand his parents. "Several of us went to the library," says Tommy. The robot comes alive, walks around the table and slaps Tommy out of his chair. "Son, this is a lie detector," explains his dad, "now tell us where you went after school?" "We went to Bobby's house and watched the news," says the teen. Again the robot slaps the wee fella. With lip quivering, Tommy gets up and says, "I'm sorry I lied. We really watched a DVD called Sex Queen." The robot remains motionless. "I'm ashamed of you son," says his father. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." Suddenly, the robot walks around to the dad and delivers a roundhouse right that nearly knocks him out of his chair. His wife is bent double laughing. "Boy, did you ever ask for that one," she says. "And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son." The robot slaps her three times.
May 27, 201313 yr A friend of mine has just died after eating a Chinese sailing ship.I warned him about junk food.
May 27, 201313 yr A friend of mine has just died after eating a Chinese sailing ship.I warned him about junk food.MODERATOR !!!!!!!! This is a disgrace, passing this drivel off as humour. Lets have the bounder keel hauled.
May 27, 201313 yr A cosmetic surgeon in America has just been arrested for cloning a black actress.A police spokesman said they had caught him making Whoopie.
May 27, 201313 yr A cosmetic surgeon in America has just been arrested for cloning a black actress.A police spokesman said they had caught him making Whoopie. :blink: :angry:
May 28, 201313 yr MODERATOR !!!!!!!! This is a disgrace, passing this drivel off as humour. Lets have the bounder keel hauled.here here Keefy
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