Brian Cross

Not me but my Mam Mama and my wife does.

Yea when i was a kid growing up in Wollongong NSW we found witchetty grubs in old tree stumps and paper barks and we'd cook them on a spade they were OK a bit like bread dough.

What is the most way out thing you have eaten ........i think mine was oven baked sparrow or whole fish (small mullet) heads and all

Could be right there Mal but it was farging nice tho.

The boss cooked turkey fillet schnitzel for supper last night with boccochini (not sure of spelling) cheese grilled on top it was delicious.

Should a Child Witness Childbirth? (Here's your answer.) Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mother so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and patted him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place........smack him again!'

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ..... "In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days." "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request ???' The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request ???" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents," "But I will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request ???" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, ....... alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says, Listen Very Carefully !!!! FOR.. THE... LAST... TIME.... I SAID ....... 'BRING POSSE not !*!@#'

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ." "I see," the captain says. Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry ."

Ten Thoughts to Ponder Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 8 Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich . Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. Number 6 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing. Number 5 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Number 4 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00? Number 3 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Number 2 Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow. And The Number 1 Thought - - - as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last that long.

Yep Bediesathome give up the secret............

You are so right Vic i know Britain is not the only country to have problems with immigrants that will never assimilate. This country (Aust) has a huge problem with boat people that board a rickety boat somewhere usually Indonesia and then try to force their way into this country,they are usually young males with no families with them i heard on the news 8 hundred have landed on Australian territory in the last 2 months. Our govt has no answer to this mainly because they are gutless and have their hands tied by the United nations. I am glad i am at my stage of life and i will never see the worst of these bad policies made by weak governments.

I blame it squarely at the feet of the now retired politicians who tried multiculturalism and when it looked liked failing slid nicely into retirement and tried to forget it, for the first time in my life the riots made me not proud of being English .

Well said Keith.

We leave Aust on the 16th and get to Ncl on the 17th at 12.05 so we will miss Market Place do unfortunately, i am coming over with my son it is his 1st trip to the UK.

just a holiday Keith they are not doing a deportation yet its my cousin Alan's 60th in early October.......

lap dancing no one told me about that glad the boss staying home

sounds good to me

Bring on the revolution Merlin

Where do you guys have pint now i would like to meet up with a few of you as i will be back in the old town in about 7 weeks

I will drink to that....sorry one too many but then i am not as thrunk as dreeple pink i am

I will drink to that....

I would like to share an experience with you all, to do with drinking and driving. Some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home............Well I , for one , have done something about it. The other day I was out for a lunch with friends and having had far too much wine , I did something I've never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise,as I have never driven a bus before..

HOW TO START A FIGHT One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... _______________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ______________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... _______________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ______________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ ________________________________ I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started.

Happy Birthday Splodge

Tolerance I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Sydney. I think it should be the goal of every Australian to be tolerant. Thus the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance. That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot." Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs." Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods. Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered." All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved. If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please pass it on...