Brian Cross

INDIANS DON'T USE SADDLES.... A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.... An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off. ' What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant. 'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.' 'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles'.

Happy Birthday Vic hope you have a great day.........

What do you call the first Afghan off the boat? Amhere What do you call the second Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwel What do you call the third Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwell Azhim

That would be good to watch ...the battle between The monsta and the Beast any one giving odds.

Where is Monsta lately i have been missing his posts.

My cousin Albert Gibbon had the bank top a long time ago it was a good pub then and we all had some good times .

Not at all mate you will feel better now its all in the open HaHa :whistle: P.S hope you can take a joke Keith.......

Nothing wrong with a man showing his female side v...eh Keith ?

Enjoy the site Peter

A friend of mine just started his own business. He manufactures land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof.

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating. As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination. "At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse. "I haven't got an erection" said the man. "No, but I have" replied the nurse.

Luv it........

Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily. "What's up Dave†asked the Landlord… "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth†"It's my four year old son…†the man replied. "Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad's just the same – forget about it, it happens to boys that age†said the landlord, sympathetically. " I only wish it was that†continued the customer, " but it's far worse than that. The little b*****d has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant.†"Get away, that's impossible!†gasped the landlord "It's not†said the man… "the little devil stuck a pin in all my condomsâ€

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him . . . 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..' 'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the Doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!' 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?' 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!' SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER! Life is too short.....drink more beer today

Proof that Men Have Better Friends....... Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend 's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without Missing a beat, blurts out.... "Holy !*!@#! My girlfriend's gone, too!

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland . He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him 'Where am I'??The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back 'Ya canna kid me ya flash bastard. You're in that !*!@# basket'.

After a evening of over drinking at his Lodge a Brother Mason died and was delivered to a local mortuary wearing his expensive, expertly tailored black suit. > The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. >The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' >The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly... >She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' >To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. >'There's no charge,' she says. >'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says. >'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' > > 'So I just switched the heads.' > >

Poor wee Beastie .....

Just had my bloody windscreen replaced on my Patrol for the second time in 3 months, bloody truck doing about 140kls thru up a rock the size of a golf ball and shattered the screen it really gave me the sheets...

As you say Mr D it's never too late

Fair enough Keith.

Did he have any family and is their any left in Bedlington ?

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?" Donald frowned and said, "No." Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex. "Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested. So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms. "Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald. The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?" "Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"

My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewellery to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house". Well she didn't actually put it like that. She said, "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohamed."