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Brian Cross

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Posts posted by Brian Cross


  1. Duz tha speak Yorkshire?



     




    Police have just released details of a new drug craze



    that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. 

    Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started

    injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.




    Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"



    .............................................................................



    A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.



    Yorkshireman:

    "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."



    Vet: "Is it a tom?"



    Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."



    ............................................................................



    A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a

    favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue

    made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.



    Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue

    of yon dog?"



    Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"



    Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone

    yer daft bugger!"



    .............................................................................




    The last is always best



     





    Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist



    "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"



    Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

  2. To-day is Anzac day i didn't make the dawn service but one of my sons did.

     

    They went with songs to the battle, they were young.
    Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
    They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
    They fell with their faces to the foe.

    They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
    Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
    At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
    We will remember them.

    They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
    They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
    They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
    They sleep beyond England's foam  post-212-0-02872600-1398379750_thumb.jpg

  3. I have recently purchased 6 Jumbo Quail  that i will beed from , they weigh  450 to 500 grm dressed at 6 weeks of age looking forward to send you some pics does any one on the forum have any of these delightful little birds.post-212-0-02931100-1397950108_thumb.jpg

  4. A Testimony to True Mateship

    A man brings his best mate home for dinner unannounced at 5.30 p.m. after work.

    His wife screams at him as his friend listens in,
    "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess,

    the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas, and I can't be

    bothered with cooking tonight!

    What the hell did you bring him home for?"

    "Because he's thinking of getting married."

     

  5. Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.

    Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and
    ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
    Operator: 'What is your location sir?'

    Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .'
    Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
    Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
    Operator: 'Are you there sir?'

    More heavy breathing and another minute later.

    Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
    This goes on for another few minutes until....
    Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'

    Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just
    dragged him around to number 3 Oak Street
     .'

  6. Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

    One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

    Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick.  The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".

    Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

    A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.

    So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital..

    Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".

    And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

    But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

    Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

    Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."

    Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."

    "No", says the nurse, "Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.

    • Like 1
  7. Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,watching the front door of the brothel over the road.The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside."Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman."Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,knocks, and goes inside."Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbiwhen they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door."Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman"One of the girls must have died..."


  8. Two female teachers took a group of students from  grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.  When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
    The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
    As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?
    'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.
  9. John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !"
     
    That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !
     
    He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
     
    She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
    John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside
    me wife."
     
    "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
     
    The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
    Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
     
    She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

  10. Hi Brian,aye,a got me Deputies tickets,I was on Deputy-work for seven years at Bates pit,[they sent me there cos Bedlington A pit was closing-so it was nae gud me gaan back there after the course was finished].

    A chucked it in,and the NUM accepted me back into the union,and I spent the rest of my time there,on composite work,in the Three-quarter seam,amang aal the waata and clarts,and bad roof conditions![ a man-made hell!]

    A musta gotten on weel wi aal thi lads,cos it had nivvor been knaan before,cos once you are a Deputy,there was never any way you could go back into the NUM!

    But there were loads of lads in all the face teams said they would have ne working with them.

    I ended up back with my old Marra from 1962 [at Choppington high pit],who I got split from  way back then,when all the little pits closed in the 1960's.

    Bill,[my old long-time Marra],can be seen on my photostream,on Flickr,taken doon the three-quarter at Bates pit ,in 1986.

    Where did you work Brian,and also,you wouldn't happen to be actor Bobby's Brother....would you?

    Old Bobby Cross,[actor Bobby's Dad],worked at Choppington high pit,in the 1950-60's a canny aad soul.

    I have /had an uncle Bob Cross not sure of the pits he worked at, last i heard of him he was living

    at the top end of Bedlington one of the times i was back home i tied to look him up but couldn't find

    him or his family... All of our family worked in the pits My Dad George, uncle Jim cross, Bob Cross

    Uncle Fred Gibbon and  Bill Cavanaugh did you work with any of them HPW ?

  11. Hi Canny Lass!

    You reminded me that I did three weeks training down Netherton pit,in 1971,as part of my Deputy training course.I was only 27 years old,then!!

    I was under the charge of Norman Smeaton,and Dougie Moore,in alternating shifts.

    Dougie told me the local story of the district we were working in.

    One night,in night-shift,a few years before my time there,the deputy was sitting at his "Kist",writing out his official reports for that shift,

    .He happened to look up from his report book,and a dim light caught his eye,a long way inbye.

    Naturally,he thought it was just one of his men coming outbye,at the end of the shift.

    As the light came nearer,he glanced up again,and was frozen with fear,when the figure of an old miner from a byegone year,dressed with his soft cloth

    "stottie-cake" cap and "Midge" oil-lamp in his hand,[from generations before the Deputy..] slowly,and silently,walked past the Kist,without showing any

    sign of being aware that the Deputy was even watching him....he had an old clay pipe in his mouth,which wasn't lit.

    Then the figure just faded into the darkness.

    After that,several men saw the same old figure,and each one described him exactly the same,passing the kist at the same time each night ,until the men no longer were afraid,and used to remark about seeing .."old Freddie"...[or whatever name they had given the figure.] Noo,can anybody from Netherton confirm the origin of this story please?

    Once you heard a story like this,underground,it forever left you being wary,and wondering if you would encounter the same figure,and how you would react!

    Ask around for me will you ..please?

    Cheers!

    Did you get your deputies cert i have one

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