Brian Cross

happy birthdat Keith hope you had a great day

Hope you had a great day Pete all the best for the next 40

Can anyone imagine the kids of to-day eating any sort of dripping on bread ........cause i can't

Teacher asks the kids in class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel through Europe , an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behaviour of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson . . . . "

And you, Tanya?............................................

" I want to be Johnny's bitch!"

I was at my bank today and there was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated and she asked the teller...

"Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

Ha ha ha good oneKeith

If I started dating the coloured actress in the film GHOST would I be making Whoopie?

Ah Keefy

All this green tree huging crap is all as i said crap,what we need again is discipline in bucket loads most kids to-day have no respect for anybody, my fear was my father when i was a kid if i played truant (and i did) i had a size 10 to worry about if i was found out to-day they just laugh at that .................

It's the sonic booms from the cloaked spaceships from Planet X - Nibiru.

Come the 21st Dec they will reveal themselves and us mere mortals will be nothing but foodstuff for their reptilian bellies. They will put Peter Mandhelson (spelling?) in no 10 and bring back Maggie as queen bitch. They are already polluting the atmosphere with chemtrails so that they can breath and our blue planet will be turned into a twilight world with subdued sunrises and sunsets with intermitten showers and bright patches....England won the first test at Headingly today.....Hello nurse, that's a big syringe you've got.

Oh dear you have not been taking your meds again Keef have you, go quietly with the nice nurce and she will make you better

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the

temptations of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my Faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five Minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

If there is one way to get a freebie at the bar, that is it Merc !! The closure (and demolition in the Terriers case) should not be allowed. Many of these pubs are part of the towns history, peoples memories, were couples met. I know pouring money into a failing business does nobody any good, but it is the tenants that are doing all of the pouring ( pun intended) The breweries are doing nothing to help them. They want to see the money coming in and they dont seem to care where it comes from, the tenants rent or to the highest bidder who will take a well flogged horse off their hands. In the case of the Percy Arms, Harry has had that place on the market for a considerable time now, who can blame him for selling to the chip shop owners if they were waving a bag of cash in front of him. That man drank in the Percy for years and years before he bought it, he would have liked nothing better than to sell to someone who would carry on running it as a pub, he propably would have continued drinking there.

The people who drank in those now closed pubs dont necessarily move on to frequent other pubs, many just dont bother going out anymore, they will stay in with a few cans in front of the telly. So one pubs demise does not mean another pubs gain , it is just a warning of what will come.

Sad but true

Well said Keith and sadly very true .....what will harry and Pat do now,retire i suppose ,

Has the Percy Arms closed its doors a rellie of mine informed me it has closed OMG what will we do Keith.

hello brian i do try to for get them but my family will not let me forget them

I know the feeling very well

I'm in

Sounds like you enjoyed yourself as we all should on our birthday, although i try to forget 'em now !!

Thought these pop bottle labels would bring back some memories. I found them while scratching around a Junk Shop in Durham last weekend.

where do you find all this memorabilia Foxy, good job

Not a leek man myself - but the thing I remember most about the leek season was broth day. We used to go from pub to pub and have a pint and a bowl of broth. Now cold beer and hot broth can have an adverse affect on your bowel system; but we still did it every year. Hope the book sells.

i remember all of your quote Keefy and as you say we returned evey year to do the same thing regardless of bowel consequences ..............ah the memories leek show at the Percy Arms

Now Brian, when your mate says "makes a fellow feel queer..." does he mean "Yoohoo, ducky, would you mind pushing my stool in." or does he mean queer peculiar, odd, sickly? My next visit to the old barkeep depends on this translation.

Oh my god Keefy you are off your medication again

A simple rule from a mate of mine (Bazza)

Beer before wine makes a fellow feel fine

Wine before beer makes a fellow feel queer.

There endeth the lesson children.

I can do thay for you Malcolm

We had small do at our place last saturday night and as you do we had a few beers, the ladies had wine and a few beers .......for food i fired up the wood heated oven and cooked a beef roast and half a lamb .......i just managed to fit the lamb in .........eveyone enjoyed themselves i think cant remember really .

Max Bygraves has died............

I always thought his style a little strange....

Very touching Mal

UURRRRRR Brian.............

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian

Coast He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a

terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a

couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.

The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some

really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.

'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news

first?' The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead.

Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little

cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but

she was dead.'

The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a

turn.

But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the

good news is.

The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few

really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so

we've brought you your share.'

He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or

five crabs in it.

'Geez thanks. They're real beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all

that...

So what's the other possible good news?

'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill

here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there

and pull her up again!

Thats the Aussies for you there is always a bright side to evey situation.

Medication!!! Hello nurse, who are those two men in the white coats and why have you got that syringe..."

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

The priest asks, "What's bothering you, Mary my dear?'

Mary says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'

'Oh, Mary, that's terrible, did he have any last requests?'

'That he did, Father.'

'What did he ask, Mary?'

'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun.....'

Better better take it slowly mate

Ring Brothers Circus have made the sad announcement that the Bearded Lady and Coco the Clown are getting a divorce.

Apparently she caught him fooling around.

They also announced that they had sacked Samson the Strongman. They said he wasn't pulling his weight.

The same circus pitted one of its cheetahs against a grayhound in a hundred-yards dash.

It was a close run thing but the cheetah won by a whisker.

NOW THAT'S BAD.

Oh dear Keefy are you still on your medication ?