Brian Cross

It was Raisbeck's garage wasn't it?

How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer and

an American Police Officer?

QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.

Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.

You are carrying your police issued Glock and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.

What do you do?

ANSWER:

Australian Police Officer:

Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

5) Am I dressed provocatively?

6) Could I run away?

7) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?

9) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

10) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?

11) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

12) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?

13) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head

and kills himself? .

14) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to

sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

Canadian Police Officer:

BANG!

American Police Officer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'...Reload...

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"G'day mate, Aussie Helpline...

What's the problem cobber?"

"I'm in Darwin with my sheila and she's been stung on the fanny by a wasp,

and now her pussy has completely closed up."

"Bummer mate!"

" Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Bye."

Northumbria Brewery at Fuggles, Aye Brian its still there.

my cousin alan and both our wives had a top night last time we were over i relly enjoyed there beers and food must come back soon

Is the brewery still open and operational in barrington road cant for the life of me remember the name of it

MODERATOR !!!!!!!! This is a disgrace, passing this drivel off as humour. Lets have the bounder keel hauled.

i dont understand how the muslim hate mongers are allowed to stay in the uk long after they have identified as preaching death and hatred to young muslims shouldn't they just be deported the same as any other alien ?

Good on you Mick hope you enjoyed yourself

Fresh white bread then butter ripe banana then sugar = magic

Where do you hide your stash Keef

My Grandma (Mama) used to call a pencil a vine anyone heard of that ?

thanks to all my friends on the forum we did have a great day all the family was there inc my two new grandsons Billy and Jett

My Grandad was killed 6 days before WW1 ended the bloody generals must have known the war was going to end.Why would they send more men to their death ? R.I.P Grandad Albert (Ginger)

Maggie,

We were all going to meet once last year, when Brian was across from Aussie, but Keef1 heard he might have to get a round in so he pulled the meet!

Most of that is true……

Not here Adam

Can anyone remember my Aunt Vinnie Rowell she worked at the Welwyn for years ?

Well done Brett .....terrific lighting thank you...

"Light that barbie", "... stoke up your outside oven" - no wonder the place is ablaze.

Don't encourage them boys and girls

I would appreciate a copy John if that is possible .......

Great to see your return old mate

yea wot he sed

Good on you 3G hope you enjoyed yourself................

Merry Xmas to all my friends on the forum from sunny very hot Australia .........