Malcolm Robinson

I see two more have come forward to say they had been abused by TV celebrities...................

Not quite sure how you got that Merc, it doesn't include an iguana? :lol:

Stop sucking up to the quizmaster Merc!"!!!!!

Clockwork Orange?

I think HE liked sailing didn't he?

This time.................the Road to Perdition!

A shotgun was always my favourite!

The Pelican Brief...........

Gotcha.............Lucky Luciano in Billy Bathgate. Whew.......

Billy Bathgate?

Big Night?

Stanley Tucci but what's the film.....................ARRRRGH.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!! My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that,2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ..” Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!” I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p***s she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg!" I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified. A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair". I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said "You're obviously not listening". The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam. Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby. They've had to cancel the pantomime 'Jack & the Beanstalk' in Birmingham , Bristol , Oldham , Bradford , Burnley , Leicester , Luton and London : Apparently the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen. The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change." When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkas saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing! Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you , today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked." Just got back from my mate's funeral, he died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over." An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks , wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was "Bindair Dundat"!!

I presume you inspected the "Golden Rivet"!

Do you want me to throw this at them and try to get it changed?

Wann-a-go...........

Keith, I am actually agreeing with you! I think stuff like this is a very real missed opportunity to help our beleaguered local shops. I just don't think anyone in the system would have thought about it!

I did think about putting this in the joke section but on reflection its soootru! EATING IN THE UK IN THE FIFTIES * Pasta had not been invented. * Curry was an unknown entity. * Olive oil was kept in the medicine cabinet * Spices came from the Middle East where we believed that they were used for embalming * Herbs were used to make rather dodgy medicine. * A takeaway was a mathematical problem. * A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. * Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. * The only vegetables known to us were spuds, peas, carrots and cabbage, anything else was regarded as being a bit suspicious. * All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. * Condiments consisted of salt, pepper, vinegar and brown sauce if we were lucky. * Soft drinks were called pop. * Coke was something that we mixed with coal to make it last longer. * A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter. * Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner. * A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining. * A Pizza Hut was an Italian shed. * A microwave was something out of a science fiction movie. * Brown bread was something only poor people ate. * Oil was for lubricating your bike not for cooking, fat was for cooking * Bread and jam was a treat. * Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves, not bags. * The tea cosy was the forerunner of all the energy saving devices that we hear so much about today. * Tea had only one colour, black. Green tea was not British. * Coffee was only drunk when we had no tea….. and then it was Camp, and came in a bottle. * Cubed sugar was regarded as posh. * Figs and dates appeared every Christmas, but no one ever ate them. * Sweets and confectionery were called toffees. * Coconuts only appeared when the fair came to town. * Black puddings were mined in Bolton Lancashire. * Jellied eels were peculiar to Londoners. * Salad cream was a dressing for salads, mayonnaise did not exist * Hors d'oeuvre was a spelling mistake. * The starter was our main meal. * Soup was a main meal. * The menu consisted of what we were given, and was set in stone. * Only Heinz made beans, any others were impostors. * Leftovers went in the dog. * Special food for dogs and cats was unheard of. * Sauce was either brown or red. * Fish was only eaten on Fridays. * Fish didn't have fingers in those days. * Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi. * Ready meals only came from the fish and chip shop. * For the best taste fish and chips had to be eaten out of old newspapers. * Frozen food was called ice cream. * Nothing ever went off in the fridge because we never had one. * Ice cream only came in one colour and one flavour. * None of us had ever heard of yoghurt. * Jelly and blancmange was only eaten at parties. * If we said that we were on a diet, we simply got less. * Healthy food consisted of anything edible. * Healthy food had to have the ability to stick to your ribs. * Calories were mentioned but they had nothing at all to do with food. * The only criteria concerning the food that we ate were ... did we like it and could we afford it. * People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy so and so's. * Indian restaurants were only found in India . * A seven course meal had to last a week. * Brunch was not a meal. * Cheese only came in a hard lump. * If we had eaten bacon lettuce and tomato in the same sandwich we would have been certified * A bun was a small cake back then. * A tart was a fruit filled pastry, not a lady of horizontal pleasure. * The word" Barbie" was not associated with anything to do with food. * Eating outside was called a picnic. * Cooking outside was called camping. * Seaweed was not a recognised food. * Offal was only eaten when we could afford it. * Eggs only came fried or boiled. * Hot cross buns were only eaten at Easter time. * Pancakes were only eaten on Pancake Tuesday - in fact in those days it was compulsory. * "Kebab" was not even a word never mind a food. * Hot dogs were a type of sausage that only the Americans ate. * Cornflakes had arrived from America but it was obvious that they would never catch on. * The phrase "boil in the bag" would have been beyond our realms of comprehension. * The idea of "oven chips" would not have made any sense at all to us. * The world had not yet benefited from weird and wonderful things like Pot Noodles, Instant Mash and Pop Tarts. * We bought milk and cream at the same time in the same bottle. * Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold. * Lettuce and tomatoes in winter were just a rumour. * Most soft fruits were seasonal except perhaps at Christmas. * Prunes were medicinal. * Surprisingly muesli was readily available in those days, it was called cattle feed. * Turkeys were definitely seasonal. * Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one. * We didn't eat Croissants in those days because we couldn't pronounce them, we couldn't spell them and we didn't know what they were. * We thought that Baguettes were a serious problem the French needed to deal with. * Garlic was used to ward off vampires, but never used to flavour bread. * Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested bottling it and charging treble for it they would have become a laughing stock. * Food hygiene was all about washing your hands before meals. * Campylobacter, Salmonella, E.coli, Listeria, and Botulism were all called "food poisoning." * The one thing that we never ever had on our table in the fifties …. elbows.

Sym, It might have been GGG's lot that put them up for sale but it was your supposed hard pressed downtrodden third estate who bought them! When everyone lives in a greenhouses watch out for stones...... As for any hint of venality in having to use one single supplier to get supplies from, that would presuppose an electrical current across a bit of grey matter........ I don't think anyone would have seen the economic sense that made and picking one in Newcastle would seem to exemplify that point entirely!

Gets my vote Keef2.

I know exactly what you are saying foxy............... When I ran my businesses the most important people were the customers everything else stopped to see to their needs and hopefully sell something along the way. These days customer service is an anathema to most businesses. Maybe if we e-mail an order in the day before we go to the Red Lion we might get it in time? More then once we have just given up and left and went to the Wharton, might be dearer but at least you can get to order your drinks when you go to the bar.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/10/29/spain-retail-idUSL5E8LT3TY20121029

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/world/europe/list-of-swiss-accounts-turns-up-the-heat-in-greece.html

You ain't a Chelsea supporter are you foxy?

http://www.journallive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-news/2012/10/27/north-east-house-prices-fall-as-the-divide-widens-61634-32112963/