Malcolm Robinson

IF MY BODY WAS A CAR.. If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close My traction is not as graceful as it once was.. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

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Qu'est-ce que l'espace Keith?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXKgN73ASRI&feature=related

Doglover, I just think it's cleva the way it uses what you actually draw as opposed to something you are allowed to draw.

Invitation (1).doc

Happy birthday Pete.................

Saying nowt me...............

Funnily enough Foxy just been talking about those solar panels…………..as they are pointing east and lower than the next door roofline wonder how efficient they are? Think I read somewhere solar panels can be fitted without planning consent now? Course you are right to point out the discrepancies inherent within the conservation area maybe we should call it a conversation area.

You young'uns don't know your born............. Oilcloth...........we could only dream of oilcloth when I was a bairn..............

Bedlington and the IMF............ As I have warned several times the oft repeated quotes from our panjandrum political leaders saying the UK will not be bailing out the Euro now resembles a tissue of mendacity! Not only have we already seen around £12 billion go into propping up Eurozone countries we now have the very real prospect of throwing almost £26 billion into an IMF fund which is directly bailing out the Eurozone. This would make the UK contribution second only to Germany and of equal size to France, and this from a country French officials have just been telling everyone is bust! This figure represents an amount greater than the self-imposed austerity cuts in the UK and we really do have to wonder what planet that makes sense on? The real problem I have is this will inevitably become a fund which once endorsed and filled will probably become so rapacious because of what it is trying to fulfil we could very well end up throwing more and more money into it so as not to accept losses. As it is the job losses we have already seen in the UK can now easily be ascribed to saving a foreign currency! For some reason the very institutions at the centre of the whole problem are being given 'get out of jail free cards' as their debts are socialised yet we still see huge bonuses being paid for what in reality are very nefarious financial activities. It's a pity the mantra of 'too big to fail' wasn't ascribed to our mining, steel, and shipbuilding industries, to name a few, we might still have been a producer country instead of one reliant on 'white van man' running up and down the country delivering goods made overseas! I am going to invest in that 1970's high fashion accessory, a nuclear bunker, and maybe Bedlington shouldn't be pushing for a sports/leisure centre but rather open up the old pit workings to provide a warren of safety as we contemplate our financial Troglodytic future.

THE DEAD COW LECTURE First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck a finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck a finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked a them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid.."

Happy birthday...............

Try it out................... http://www.drawastickman.com/

Felicitations of the season to all............

Schadenfreude It would seem the 'final curtain' is about to come down on the latest Euro Summit/Treaty/Pact/Accord or whatever and this time within a week! A French downgrade will inevitably raise her borrowing costs and as one of the two principle players pushing for EU fiscal prudence and unity behind an automatic and binding agreement this would seem to leave only the Germans in any position to lecture or pay for any bailouts and as they are effectively tied by their constitution not to do so this would seem to leave Mr Draghi and the ECB with the unenviable task of printing enough Euro paper to cover EU needs, again not something they are legally entitled to do. Our very own Mr Cameron seems to have somehow misplaced his ticket for the maiden voyage of the Titanic and whilst our continental EU partners are trying to make sure she sets sail on time they must be wondering if the Brits hid their own ticket! The astonishing attack on this country by 'Monsewer' Noyer, head of the Bank of France and a member of the ECB's governing council, saying that the UK should be targeted by ratings agencies and downgraded before France is even considered, is in reality a thinly veiled attempt at sideswiping and negative misdirection. It would be interesting to actually see what the French banks have parked in the ECB by way of assets, toxic they must be radioactive and we would get Geiger-counter readings off them even in the wilds of Northumberland! Not hard to see why the EU wants to disband these rating agencies! If the rumours about this are in anyway true and we do see a two notch French downgrade then effectively the game is up, especially for the re-election hopes of a certain Monsieur Sarkozy! Target practice anyone............

Word on the streets is that there is a big German bank, possibly the second biggest in Germany, needing bailout funding. Like many European Banks it made hay at the expense of the peripherals and the ECB but now given the talk of debt defaults, haircuts and increased capital requirements its position is becoming increasingly fragile. If the SoFFin rescue fund is reactivated look for a German bank shedding its liabilities………… This follows another European bank, probably French, which needed to cover a dollar position a few weeks ago. The only institution which stepped in was the Fed fearing a Euro meltdown and contagion. So if these stories are to be believed we see the two founders of the Lisbon2 Treaty up to their eyeballs in the mucky stuff. Nothing like that for concentrating minds though! With that action by the Fed and its current agreement to cover all Euro dollar positions we have to ask what was demanded by way of payback? Looks fairly certain the subject matter of the last EU summit, the one Dave walked away from, will contain the answers! One of the biggest 'ideas' is to have the ECB as lender of last resort but legally it can't do that. Not to be sideswiped by something as insignificant as the law the Eurocrats now want the ECB to take over and capitalise all those Euro rescue vehicles identified by the dammed silly acronyms so the ECB can provide funding for them and they in turn can provide funding for sovereign debt. If we did that we would be arrested for money laundering! Something's gotta give and it's gotta give soon!

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/britains-high-streets-reach-crisis-point-003705028.html

Happy Xmas

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. " How come I don't get any eggs and bacon ? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal ? " he asks. " Well, " his mother says, " I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk. " Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the !*!@# cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, " You gonna tell him or should I ? "

Cameron's recent use of a supposed veto has resulted in many column inches of print and if readers agree or not probably depends on their European stance with regard to the UK. It's probably worth looking at what was on the table because it may be some time before anything is actually written down for EU members to sign up to. Shying away from implementing a completely new Treaty, which would have sparked a wave of referenda in several EU countries, what was suggested was really an extension to the Lisbon Treaty. Who can forget Cameron's absolute call for a referendum when Brown signed us up to that! It is therefore hardly surprising DC walked away and preferred to ingratiate himself with his Eurosceptic backbenchers, at least that way he still had some friends! What this represents for the UK, momentous…. possibly, predictable…. definitely and it would have been the main topic of discussion in the meetings Dave had with Merkle and Sarkozy prior to the summit. The UK relationship with the EU is now irrevocably changed but then the EU itself is about to become a very changed entity so no one can possibly know what has been lost or gained! Several of the topics now seemingly contained in this possible agreement are worthy of further consideration, not least the harmonisation of tax, notable corporation tax. The French have complained incessantly about the Irish level of this tax but in her present economic woes should Ireland increase this tax, could Ireland increase this tax, probably not. Looks likely there will be an Irish opt out as the price for her agreement or exactly what Dave said he asked for to protect the City but was refused. Hmm the waters are becoming less than clear! There is also the small matter of the ECB becoming continental lender of last resort something it isn't legally entitled to be. Seems the way to get around this is for it to 'take over' the various stability funds, or 'bazookas, and provide them with funding allowing them to underwrite debt. It also allows leverage on these funds, the very thing which has got us into the mire in the first place! If we private citizens did this the probability is that the boys in blue would be feeling collars and levying charges of money laundering! This is very probably at the insistence of the Fed who if gossip is to be believed had to cover a dollar position of a European financial institution, probably a French bank, some weeks ago. Looks like the Fed has agreed to cover all these EU positions now, as long as the ECB cranks up its money printing operations, for fear of one becoming the first domino to fall. As an aftershock we now have the whole Coalition relationship to consider with the two central figures being diametrically opposed on the EU question. Having read not so long ago that they were peas in a pod on the European question what has emerged is something quite at odds with that statement. It certainly relegates the deputy PM into irrelevance when the bigger national questions are debated. Let's not be in the dark about this whole saga, it's a banking and financial problem and one which was always on the cards once the brakes were taken off stuff like re-hypothecation and fractional reserve lending. The problem is that these cyberspace losses and esoteric securities have been socialised by governments and their taxpayers and we now have to throw real money into a black hole created by cyber-betting. Pity the same reverence wasn't given to our coal, shipbuilding, iron and steel industries, but then they weren't too big to fail or located in London!

A woman walks into the DSS office, trailed by 15 kids . . ... 'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?' 'Yeah, they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats. 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.' 'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.' 'OK, and who's next?' 'Well, this one, he is Terry, also.' The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?' Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come running.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Terry.' The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch? 'I call them by their surnames!'

The new part 1 of the motorcycle test looks a corker.....................

I know what I want for Xmas now..................