Malcolm Robinson

Welcome Adam.

Little Johnny... A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home. 1st kid says, "A computer". Teacher replies, "That'd be very useful." 2nd kid says, "a new lawn mower," and gets a similar response. Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don't need nothin." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something. Little Johnny replies, "No I'm sure.........." "When my sister started going out with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying, "Well, that's the last !*!@# thing we need."

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer, and two people show up. One is a retired avid golfer in his early sixties (Joe), and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar-coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you two had better be good, or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?" The old golfer replies, "No problem; just get that lion out of there. A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" A Scotsman goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a nice-looking prostitute. He asks her, 'How much dae ye charrrge forrrr an hourrr?' '£100,' she replies. So he asks, 'Okay, dae yee dae it Scottish style?' She says 'No!' He then asks her, 'I'll gie you £200 to dae it Scottish style - please?' She then says, 'No', not even knowing what 'Scottish style' was! So he then offers her £300. Again she declines his offer. So, finally he says, 'I'll gie ye £500 to gaun Scottish style WI me!' Finally she agrees, thinking, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years Now. I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdos From every corner of the world. How bad could Scottish style be?' So she goes ahead and has sex with him, doing it in every kind of way and in Every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'That was really fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and Disgusting. Where does the 'Scottish style' come in?' The Scotsman replies, 'I'll pay ye next week...

Here is the first picture group.

Vic, Evan Martin was a well-known and respected local historian. I believe he was a teacher in his working life, with a side line in antiques. He had many books published chronicling our locality in terms of social and economic history. Sadly he died earlier this year and his wife gave Barry Mead, another well know local history buff, his pictorial archives which contain many hundreds of unidentified local photographs. Barry wants to identify as many as possible and has them on tables down at St Cuthbert's today for as many people as possible to sort through and help with the identifications. There was a very good turn out when I was there this morning and let's hope a good load of the pictures were catalogued. I will ask Barry if he has any which might be posted up on this site and let anyone interested have a go at the identification. There were working pictures, sporting pictures, landscapes, school pictures and family pictures and by the way there were probably thousands of them!

Barry Mead has all of Evan Martin's old pictures on display at St Cuthberts today, Sat 12th Nov. He is asking for anyone who might be able to identify them to go along and help catalogue them.

Just a quick update........... This has been entered into a national competition and not only passed initial inspection it has been short-listed for an award!

Wonder how much they would take to rename it Roker Park! http://uk.news.yahoo.com/anger-over-newcastle-stadium-name-change-162634067.html

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven: 1st woman: Hi! Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad.... After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

Italian bond yields now 7%+, stock markets drop about 2%. The whole point of ECB intervention in bonds was to protect low interest charges going forwards. The ECB MUST have huge losses on its purchases and by any measure would be bankrupt! Of course the way they report their books they assume payments in full at redemption. BoA and Barcap have huge liabilities here as does other UK banks! Looks like the talking is about over!

If I didn't know any better........ BTW, did Gordo pre-empt Christine with her lost decade comment?

Gives a bit of reassurance that t'internet is still a vehicle for free expression! Don't mention the ECB! Notice how 'quite' that institution has been recently? It has been the 'buyer of last resort' for peripheral Euro countries for quite a while now and has to be insolvent, by any proper measure of asset backed performance! Having to buy what are in fact toxic assets to allow countries to pay day to day running costs is clearly not a practice which either should be allowed or can happen indefinitely. They are putting burdens on the prudent countries to save the profligate ones, bit like the UK where borrowers are being cossetted from their own hubris at the expense of savers. The ECB is being forced into actions which are way out of its mandate. Any talk of Greece now looks to be a case of vultures picking over carrion and looking at my favourite likely defaulter Italy there have been recent moves which ratchet up that possibility. I keep saying the story is seen in bond yields and 5% was always the figure which triggers sweaty brows. Well Italy's benchmark yields are now shooting up toward 7% and with Berlusconi's detachment from the real world, looks to be having a serious impact. Even GGG's favourite fiscal pin up Christine has been forced into a speech where she seemed to say the IMF has been called in to 'help' Italy reorganise. IMF help always comes at a cost of austerity measures which might be Berlusconi's way of transferring blame? The problem Italy has is its economic performance which has been lack lustre for the last couple of decades! That hasn't stopped her ramping up borrowing in an all too familiar scenario for weak Euro members. So high borrowing with increasing costs and low economic performance coupled with not being able to alter exchange rates would seem to give some credence to my claim that Italy will be the one to burst out of the Euro if not bust the Euro. There is a proviso to that, looking at German reaction to what is going on I cannot believe the German printing presses are not being oiled up in readiness for printing new Deutschmarks or possibly a different version of the Euro for northern Euro countries. They might have been able to swallow East Germany in reunification without a great cost but taking over the PIIGS in any fiscal understanding these days of a global economy couldn't be countenanced by the international markets. At the end of the day the west, primarily Europe and America, have maintained increasing living standards by borrowing while the East has worked solidly and clawed its way up the wealth and living standard tables. Not hard to see which is earned and sustainable and which will become the poor relation quite soon.

A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a Man United fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, why are you a Man United fan?' 'Because my mum is a Man United fan, and my dad is a Man United fan, so I'm a Man United fan too!' 'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man United fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?' 'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan. An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar. They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner. He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!' Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!' Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.' Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit. A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'. The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. TheSalary package is £200,000 a year'. The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!' The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!' Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car. It later turned out to be a Tax Disc.

Nice one Merc, very droll!

Monday 28th Nov 2011 6-30 – 8-30pm Venue: Salvation Army AGENDA 1. Welcome and introductions. . 2. Apologies. 3. Minutes of the meeting held on Tuesday 6th Sept 2011. 4. Matters arising. 5. Police update. 6. THI update. (Townscape Heritage Initiative) 7. SNRG update. (South Northumberland Radio Group) 8. BDT update. (Bedlingtonshire Development Trust) 9. Any other business. 10. Date and time of next meeting. MONDAY 30th Jan 2012 6.30pm, Salvation Army, Hartford Road.

Seems our big cat has been moving south........... http://uk.news.yahoo.com/train-affected-lion-sighting-183328266.html

Not just but also......... http://uk.reuters.com/article/2011/11/04/oukin-uk-apple-samsung-eu-idUKTRE7A32O820111104

Beware Chinese bearing gifts............ http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/business/2010-07/13/content_10099685.htm Lend the EU money.........no, take it over more like!

The new ECB head, President Draghi, looks to be caught between a rock and a hard place concerning Greece and as an afterthought lets remember he is Italian so one might assume Italian interests were close to his heart. Trichet might have sneaked out but he has left one heck of a mess at the ECB. Draghi has to consider the lending done to the Bank of Greece which stands at around E150B plus Greek bond purchases of around E45B so something like a E200B exposure which could attract a 50% haircut, and this to a country with about E80B of capital and reserves. This equates to giving every Greek citizen a thousand Euros for Xmas! So either keep the liquidity going and take further losses on behalf of Euro citizens in other countries or turn the tap off and risk a banking collapse with a Greek expulsion from the Euro. No wonder Trichet wanted out!

Better take a snorkel Keith..........

The thing I find particularly nauseating is that it wasn't even the Greek domestic politicians who rose up and voted against a referendum, unlike the headless chickens in the UK, it was pressure from Sarko and the Fräulein! The Greek people probably now do have an inkling this isn't really about saving their country from fiscal ravages, it's about saving other nationals banking sectors! In all likelihood the 50% haircut on Greek debt will be enough to sink most unless they are implicitly backed by their respective national governments. Greece is being hung out to dry to get that 50% reduction in an effort to demonstrate to other Euro peripheral nations that debt default is not an easy option. We will now see foreign buyers of all Greek state owned assets which can be profitized or which are put up for sale on distressed terms. The private financial affairs of some leading Greek figures, notably the guy in the middle of all of this wrangling the Greek PM, should really be investigated, especially the wads of cash allegedly on deposit in Switzerland! It now looks like the big shots have shown their hand and yet still cannot get agreement between themselves on exact terms. This is something no one has taken into consideration, the human condition, and is something which will ultimately blow the whole edifice away. I find it incredible the UK political class still want to be associated with this EU mess, anyone would think our own problems would be enough to handle, God knows there are enough of them!

Well a day or two is a long time in politics never mind a week! What we can clearly see now is a determination by Germany and, hanging onto coat tails, France to impose a Totalitarian EU Government which by its very nature takes no notice of the wishes of any electorate in any sovereign member state. Shouldn't really be surprised as we have seen this time and time again by most national governments. Even the UK showed a precursor with the way it played fast and loose with the recent referendum call here. However the subjugation of 350 million peoples even the entrenched pro EU lot might call a tad extreme. Maybe it's the recent 'success' in interfering in the internal politics of more eastern countries which has given the Great and Good a taste for such matters on a more domestic front? Imposing the terms or even debarring a Greek referendum is clearly an assault on democracy, instructing opposition parties and holding secret talks with ministers of that country is tantamount to necromancy, but it all shows just how far down a crooked path the Eurocrats are willing to go in pursuit of their ideological flights of fancy. We fought two World Wars against this sort of thing didn't we? What is happening now is the fulfilment of the warnings by the anti-EU brigade for the last 40 years. How we laughed at their wild speculation of an autocratic and despotic EU, a Superstate which imposes its own rules and regulations over and above any national ones and an unelected governance. They we just plain daft weren't they, ask the Greeks and whoever is next!

Congratulations all round.