Malcolm Robinson

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.' The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?' 'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.' The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!' The preacher said, 'No !*!@#?'

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.... Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

Thought he was 'just' a King, rather than an omnipotent deity's earth bound vassal? King of the perms KK.

Funny Keith I thought we all saw this when we looked in the mirror?

I was thinking along the lines of ones formed by the likes of Charles Taze Russell, L. Ron Hubbard, Martin Luther, William Miller, Claas Epp, Jr, Chuck Smith, Edward Irving, Menachem Mendel Schneerson, to name a few and who can forget David Icke!

Cool, that nearly Bladerunner tech. Images a bit Lowrie-esque.........

:lol:

Hope those lights are going to fit, John? Well done to Colin, if it was him, for that Co-Op funding.

Trolls!

Yeah and what happens when you build a religion on the basis of such things and they don't come true?

A Golf Story... A husband takes his wife to play her first round of golf. The wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A man's voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done. Glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke the window?" "Uh, yeah, sir.. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked."I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" "Now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way.. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 45," she responded breathlessly. "No way." He said, "Forty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

Events produce strange bedfellows................. http://uk.news.yahoo.com/reject-eu-referendum-urges-hague-082743184.html

Little birdie tells me Tesco completed on the car park last week...........might see something happening now.

There you go Keith...........is that GGG on the bike riding down to pick up his copy of Radio Constructor??????

Like it...........

This week saw a national strike in Greece, hardly inspiring for a county which has been rescued by the Troika, and the government saying their fiscal plans were well underway and working. Looking a bit closer we see youth unemployment at around 42.5%, that's nearly every other young person, 15-24yrs old, not in work. Unemployment as a whole is rising and it now looks like less than half the population has a job. As ever look at bond yields for the true picture and see Greek 1 yr. bonds yielding a staggering 185%. Compare them with say Germany at 0.47% and you start to see the true picture emerge! Anyone buying into a Greek recovery and these fantastic bond yields, no only the ECB! Even her 10yr yields are now 24.5% and remember the rest of the PIGS were being considered for rerating once their bonds hit 5+%! Once again the EU great and good have come up with a plan, not sure if plan is the right word, but they are going to 'bazooka' the Euro fiscal crisis with a new fund EFSF. I won't go into details why this is yet another crock but they have included leverage into the mix this time and what got us into the mess in the first place, oh yes pass the parcel with financial derivatives! Someone needs to line these people up against a wall or at least give them back to their villages which are missing their idiots! As for the UK it looks like we are coming out of the woods according to some articles I read. The ONS has reported a £12+billion reduction in public sector net borrowing for this financial year to date. Great anyone might think but how much PSBR has been raised with increased taxation such as a 20% VAT rate? Also included in the ONS figures is the public sector net debt which to the end of September was £2278 Billion. 12 months ago at the same time it was £2230 billion so what we are really talking about is climbing costs during a prolonged recession. Having said that a recent report showed the UK economy grew by 0.5% for the last 3 months so officially ''No recession here matey boy, move along now!''

This must be true the guy's a preacher............ http://www.metro.co....d-is-nigh-again

Working on an ending which we can use all the time but my Photoshop has just frizzeled! Any offer of help GGG?

Hang on, King Abdullah is a nice old despot, and doesn't deserve to be on a list with mass murderers like Mugabe! Maybe his security lot have roughed-up the odd "trouble maker", but he is a reformer, and things are consistently moving in the right direction. Without him the religious nutters would call all the shots, and we'd have another Iran on our hands. There's also the argument that it is us who have taken this women drivers thing far too far! http://www.guardian....if-saudi-arabia

Take your pick............. 1. Omar al-Bashir Sudan 2. Kim Jong Il 3. Than Shwe 4. Robert Mugabe 5. Islam Karimov 6. Hu Jintao 7. King Abdullah 8. Saparmurat Niyazov 9. Seyed Ali Khamane 10. Teodoro Obiang Nguema

Now its not April 1st so................ http://uk.news.yahoo.com/man-jailed-after-trying-to-turn-faeces-into-gold-.html

take your pick............

Happy Birthday Claire........

Still polishing that seat for you Keith!