Malcolm Robinson

Dumb.........

Only if you have moved to Australia! Here you can list one choice or multiples in order of preference.

There should be something called a ''Town Plan'' being worked on. It identifies residents' concerns and aspirations and suggests ways forward for development. It is absolutely essential everyone takes part, if we ever get the chance, and put down the way they want Bedders to go in future and the bits they don't like at present. East Bedlington Parish Council are putting questionnaires out to their residents I hope us at the Top End get the same consideration. Course once you put stuff like this down on paper you can measure an organisations progress towards specific outcomes, benchmarking, so the likes of NCC and the smaller councils might not necessarily want to embrace the whole gambit of ambitions the residents might have!

Importance of Exercise: Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old To spend an additional 5 months in a nursing Home at £3000 per month. My grandpa started walking Five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old And we don't know where he is. I like long walks, Especially when they are taken By people who annoy me. The only reason I would take up walking Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I have to walk early in the morning, Before my brain figures out what I'm doing.. I joined a health club last year, Spent about £400 Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there. Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. The advantage of exercising every day Is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.' If you are going to try cross-country skiing, Start with a small country. I know I got a lot of exercise The last few years,...... Just getting over the hill. We all get heavier as we get older, Because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. AND Every time I start thinking too much About how I look, I just find a Happy Hour And by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a cop sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. Says he to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly. Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 125."

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London . A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets. The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. " McTavish , Scotland " he says, "Discus" and in he walks. The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder. " Waddington-Smythe , England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks. The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."

WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom. Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?' The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines.” Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go): BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN

Sadly not a joke............... Three government contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at 10 Downing Street ; one from London , another from Bristol and the third, Liverpool .. They go with a government official to examine the wall.. The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about £900: £400 for materials, £400 for my crew and £100 profit for me.' The Bristol contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, 'I can do this job for £700: £300 for materials, £300 for my crew and £100 profit for me.' The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the Government official and whispers, "£2,700." The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?' The Liverpool contractor whispers back, '£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Bristol to fix the wall.' 'Done!' replies the government official. And that friends, ...... is how it all works.

The IMF reckon there's over 5 billion quids worth of gold sitting in the bank in Tripoli! Course that would buy Gaddafi a first class plane ticket somewhere .............

Now the editor is being daft.........!*!@# .......ham.

Get some yellow split peas (lentils) and boil the heck out of them, water and a stock cube, until they go to a mush and you have a version. If you have the time boil a !*!@# and then use the stock to boil a muslin bag of the yellow split peas adding in some of the meat. That's a much tastier version. I have used green lentils when yellow ones were unavailable and they worked too, albeit the wrong colour!

Stephen, Isn't AV tactical voting anyway?

Well mine is anyway...........

Oh dear......... http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20110414/tuk-poll-almost-half-of-voters-back-av-s-45dbed5.html

Hear hear........

Its Wor Lass Keith, she is looking for the foo foo valve! Everyone knows they are behind the back wheels, bah.......

The reason why women can't work on cars............

A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot... 'Could you give me some tips?' he asked. The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' 'Sure will ' The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. 'That's terrific!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips?' 'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it - that'll give you a smoother draw' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'You bet it will,' said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. 'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?' The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.' The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, you gonna wish you had put more grease on your gun!

Mr D, Yes you can just fill in one box but there is too much confusion around 2nd and 3rd choices and a lot of people think they have to fill in all the boxes to get their vote counted. Also there is the thing where people will think they are missing out if they don't fill in multiple boxes. It's hard enough getting people to think about one choice never mind perming in multiple choices. Quite like your RON idea Stephen, RON or NOTA should be included! If we voted against Regional Assemblies in a referendum how come we got one? Albeit not the all singing dancing version trumpeted………..

I agree GGG but I think the rating for the Japanese one is right it's the Russian one they got wrong, more like a 20, if the scale went up that far. Also I think just one death pretty serious when the end result is to enable the masses to watch 'Coronation Street!'

'Fraid that's pure b******! No its not........... The specifics might not be as bad but the overall ratings the same! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13045341

The severity rating of the Fukushima meltdown has risen to seven (the maximum) from five. This means that it is now considered the same level of problem as the 1986 Chernobyl disaster.

Think you have answered your own question there Mr D! Of course there should be a ''none of the above'' box, it would finally prove or disprove the much used excuse of voter apathy. If there was a resounding count as you describe it would show voters were unhappy with the choices on offer and something more representative needed to be included. Hang on a minute, isn't that democracy?

Merlin, This is exactly why everyone should use their vote, it's the ONLY time we can exercise any control whatsoever over our political class. Plus there is a certain amount of Schadenfreude when big names become victims to what is really their own cavalier attitudes towards their electorates. Keith, I am pleased they have had a go I just cannot believe what they are proposing should be taken seriously.

Pete, I am not advocating for AV just putting the info out there so people can have some understanding and choice. Personally I think its a pile of steaming horse sxxt! The current system needs change being more fitting to the 19th century than anything resembling a decent system for the 21st but what is being proposed is a very poor option and probably the very least Dave could appease Nick with.