Canny lass

33 Must be 'Relays' 38 Could it be Acid drops (horrible things!)

10 Kit kat 20 Twirl 25 Galaxy 26 Milky Way 33 penny whistle 35 Bounty 37 Wine gums 38 possibly chocolate/pear drops 2 We always called these mint imperials

What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like sprouts"!

Oops! Minstrels should have been 30 - not 29. Sorry! 27 should have been Lion bar. 40 could be Skittles 23 All Gold (Terry's) 4 Mars bar 9 or 35 could be Treats - probably 9 as it's in the plural form This not getting my Christmas baking done!

There's no answer to that! I'm not going there!

How can Bedlington have "Haze" at 4.30 on a December afternoon?

It lights up my life after 6pm!

Well, if you're allowed to 'adjust' the answers, then 12 might be Dolly mixtures, 15 is definitely Chocolate Buttons, 19 could be Fruit gums 29 must be Minstrels and 22 is probably a Yorkie. You will be forgiven for thinking that I have a sweet tooth. I daren't answer Nr.8

PS: 1. Quality Street and 6 Liquorice allsorts

Do you think we've nothing better to do the week before Xmas! 3. Black magic 11. Roses 16. Jelly Babies 17. Whispers 21 Edinburgh Rock 24. Turkish Delight 27 Tiger bar 32. Picnic 34 Maltesers 36. Dime (Daim?) bar

Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you Happy birthday dear Pete Happy birthday to you! Sung to the tune of 'Happy birthday to you'. Hope you have a good day.

For those who haven't made their Christmas cake yet - better get a move on: Easy Christmas cake * 1 cup sugar * 4 eggs * 2 cups dried fruit * 1 teaspoon salt * 1 cup brown sugar * 4 tablespoons lemon juice * nuts, any sort * 2 litres whisky You will need a medium-sized mixing bowl. The amount of sugar depends on the taste of the whisky so check by tasting it. It should not be too smoky. Turn on the electric mixer. Better check the whisky again to see if its quality is unchanged. Whisk 100 g butter in the mixing bowl, add 1 tableshpoon of sugar and whisk again. Mix well at high schpeed. Better scheck the whisky again. The taste can shange at room temperature. Churn off the eclectic mischsker. Crack two hens into the mixching bowl and add the fried druit … Swish on the eclectic miskchsker again .. If the fried druit gets schtuck in the bowling mischk, loosen it with a drewskriver. Tashte the whishky again. Quality control is important! . Nexsht, you should schtrain the jemon loosh and add two cups of schuka, or shomething schimilar. Itch not sho b*oody important!. Then, you shchould schieve 2 shilo schalt,– it’ doeshn’t need to be exshact. Check whischkyn. Schtrain jemon loosh again and add a teaschpoon of schieved schalt, and a tableshpoon ... schpoon ... of schugagar, oh ... what the hell ... Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 220 degrees, and don’t forget to turn off the eclectisc mischsker. Throw the mixsching bowl in the witchdosher and ... scheck whischyn industry. Go to bed. You’ve had a busy day ... and who the hell wants crut-fake anyway ...?

I know they don't work under a foot of snow!

The joy of living in the country … 9 December We woke this morning to a wonderful carpet of crystal white, sparkling snow which covered every inch of the countryside. What a fantastic sight! Is there anything more beautiful! I shoveled snow for the first time in years (the council always takes care of that in town). I felt rejuvenated. I cleared both the drive and the verandah. In the afternoon, the snow plough came and blocked the drive with snow again so I had to get the shovel out again. What a wonderful life! 12 December The sun has come out and melted all our lovely snow. What a shame. My neighbour says not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow at Christmas would be dreadful! Bob says that by the end of February we’ll have so much snow that I won’t ever want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. He’s joking I’m sure. Bob’s a nice man. I’m pleased he’s our neighbour. 14 December Snow, wonderful snow! Eight inches fell during the night and the temperature has fallen to -20 degrees. This type of cold makes everything sparkle. The wind is cold but you soon get warm clearing the drive and the verandah. This is the life! The snow plough came back this afternoon and buried everything in snow again. I hadn’t realized that I’d have to shovel so much snow but I’ll definitely be fit by the end of the winter! 15 December Another 10 inches fell during the night. Hubby sold his car and bought a 4x4 instead. He also bought winter tyres for my car and two extra snow shovels. Hubby wants to install a wood burner – in case of power cuts – but I think that’s stupid. We don’t live in Alaska for heaven’s sake! 16 December Snow storm this morning. I fell on the ice while I was putting salt on the drive. It doesn’t half hurt. The old man laughed until he cried – great fun, I don’t think! 17 December Temperature still way below minus. The roads are terrible. Too dangerous to drive anywhere. We had a power cut for 5 hours. What to do? Sat and stared at the other half and tried not to irritate him. We should have bought that wood burner but I’m not admitting that to him. I hate it when he’s right. I cannot believe that I’m freezing to death in my own sitting room! 20 December The electric’s back on, but another 12 inches of that bl*ody white sh1t fell during the night. MORE shoveling! It took all day! The snow plough came twice! I tried to get one of the neighbour’s kids to help but they were too busy – playing ice-hockey on the lake. I’m sure they were lying. I called the iron mongers to see if they had a snow-blower but they had run out. Maybe they’ll get a new delivery in March when the road’s open again. I’m sure they were lying. Bob says we have to clear the snow otherwise the council will come and do it and send me a big bill! I think Bob’s lying as well. 22 December Bob was right about the White Christmas. Another fifteen inches of the blasted stuff during the night and it’s so bl*ody cold that It’ll not melt before August! It took me 45 minutes to get dressed in all my layers this morning so that I could go out and clear away the snow and then I needed a pee! By the time I’d undressed, peed and dressed again I was so tired I couldn’t be bothered to shovel snow! I tried to get Bob to take over my driveway the rest of the winter. I mean, he has a snow blower. He says he doesn’t have time- I’m sure that b@stard is lying! 23 December Only 2½ inches of snow today and the temperature is only -1. Himself wanted me to put up some Christmas decorations this morning. Is she crackers or what? Why the H*ll didn’t he say so a month ago? He says that she DID say it a month ago but I think the b’ is lying! 24 December We woke to eight inches of snow. It’s already been packed as hard as stone by that bl*ody snow plough so I broke the snow shovel! I think I had a heart attack as well! If I get my hands on tha b@stard driver I’ll kill him. I just KNOW that the b’ psychopath waits round the corner till I’ve got my drive cleared, then he comes at 80 miles an hour and fills the drive again! The old man wanted us to sing a few Christmas carols this morning while we wrapped presents but I was too busy keeping an eye out for that 4king idiot of a driver. 25 December Merry Christmas to all that bl*ody snow!! We are snowed in!! The very thought of shoveling snow makes my blood boil! God how I hate SNOW!!! The snow plough stopped and asked how things were. I hit the b@stard over the head with the snow shovel … 26 December Still snowed in! Why on earth did I move here to this bl’ody hole? And, it was all HIS idea. He gets right on my nerves … 27 December Still snowed in. He is driving me nuts!! 29 December Another 24 inches during the night! Bob says I’ll have to get the snow off the roof otherwise the roof might cave in. 4king idiot! Does he think I’m stupid. Or what? 30 December The roof caved in! The driver of the snow plough has sued me for £80 000 just cos I hit him on the head with a shovel and the old man has gone back to his mother … 31 December Set fire to the whole blasted lot. No more shoveling snow for me!! 8 January I feel so good. I love these little pills they give me. Why am I locked in this room?

Thank goodness for that! It would have been a shame to waste water!

...getting back to basics, I swear that when I looked at the weather 30 seconds ago it said "Smoke" and there was a symbol to match. Was it really there or should I take more water with the whisky?

... plastered and forgot the words perhaps?

Thanks Eggy!

I remember this phrase from the 'wireless' and I remember that it was Wilfred Pickles who said it but which programme was it? Reply quickly and save my sanity!

... and a very merry Christmas to everyone from me too!

Well, I was going to ask for two but ....

So do I, Pilgrim, so do I. Last year I asked for one of those Oykos buttons to put on the arm of the sofa to be able to summon nubile, lightly clothed, bronzed, young men with feather dusters and pots of yoghurt. The nearest i got was a new duster.

Are you any relation to Hiawatha?

I want one for Christmas!!!!

Thank heavens for that. It didn't go at all well with my wallpaper!