Hamburger Pimp

The adventures of old Lot make for an interesting read.

Enjoy your holiday, Brian. Morpeth is a better night out, mind.

Planet Earth. Show me where it says this thing has to "represent Bedlington".

I vote for a small, three-dimensional representation of the molecular structure of Methylbenzene. I reckon that would be skill.

I believe he regularly rocks the mic at Bedlington's premier music venue The Market Tavern, where I'm told the Guinness is good and the barmaids always have a warm welcome for the thirsty punter.

The breathtaking grandeur of Hot Millyuns.

Giddy up!

You may need to watch the replay

I take the Toon to edge a thrilling goal-fest. 4-3 or 3-2, I reckon.

Given that you possess such an incisive, well-informed grasp of the Middle East situation, I think that you're really studying Politics and International Affairs at university and the whole "degree in web design" story was a little fun at our expense. Are you David Dimbleby in disguise?

Is William going as well? My view is that we should give the Windsors what the Russians gave the Romanovs.

If Chris Rea had, for reasons best known to himself, gone on "Stars in Your Eyes" as a Chris de Burgh impersonator.

Happy birthday, Joe.

Welcome aboard, Esme.

I predict a riot. No, not a riot, a heavy defeat.

Whatever you think, you have to admire the dexterity of the dogs.

His point? Are you clever enough to be a doctor or a nurse? Bearing in mind you can't even spell words correctly in your native language? In short, shut the **** up about immigrants you pig-ignorant, no-nothing ****. And that's swearing.

Assuming there is any truth in: *adjusts cravat* I say, ladies. Would any of you like to accompany me to a local steakhouse for a late supper, perhaps followed by Babycham and dancing? Giddy up!

Doesn't the Daily Mail or the BNP have a messageboard?

Wasn't it the famous philosopher Gloria Gaynor who was best known for that particular line? "I am what I am I don't want praise I don't want pity I bang my own drum Some think it's noise I think it's pretty I'm Popeye the sailor man! *Toot toot!* "