Hamburger Pimp

Hoisted by a petard of my own making! Damn you, Symptoms. Damn you to hell!

This thread in summary: Me Me Me Look at me Me I've got... I've done... Me Look at me I'm great, me etc.

I almost witnessed this robbery! I arrived at the Co-op, intent on withdrawing some money from the ATM. Instead, I was informed by a chap I play football with that the door was locked as there had been a robbery. "He just passed me and went down there towards the car park" observed my eye witness chum. "A black !*!@# , he was!" he continued, veering a little from modern society's "political-correctness-gone-mad" for a moment. At this juncture, a lady who had also seen the miscreant had to interject. "No, he was wearing a mask." "Oh." Misguided eye-witnessery aside, let us remember the real victim in this awful crime. Me. I had to use the other cash machine, by the newsagent, where they charge you a whacking ONE POUND FIFTY charge to get your cash out, the bliddy robdogs. Ask yourself, who is the real criminal here? Is it the 5'7" baseball bat and butcher knife wielding armed robber, or is it the Fat Cats of the Banking Industry, creaming off their £1.50 a time tax from the starving masses? Think on.

2012? Twenty million is pretty small potatoes, no? The US track and field team probably spend that much on sticking plasters in a year.

It's Chriiiiiiistmas! Not quite, but we have entered December. An exciting month lies in store with lots of games packed in around the festivities. Pete, if I were you, I'd get your month's worth of predictions saved round about now. There's nee way you'll get your Boxing Day selections chosen once you're knocking back the yuletide Guinnesses and eggnogs. However, before we get intoxicated with the heady scent of tangerines and Old Spice, a spot of house-keeping. The question on everyone's lips is, of course, "who won in November, like?" Here is the news: 1. TonyC 45pts 2. DavePa 40 3. MrDarn 37 4. Supermac 35 5. Hamburger Pimp 27 6. PDean 25 7. Geddy 23 8. Denzel 6 Hats off to a popular winner in the form of TonyC, with an excellent 45 point haul. Credit also to Pete who scored 25 points despite only entering predictions for 29 games. What might have been, eh? Keep pulling the crackers, sports fans!

Russell Brand's sidekick? Didn't realise he was a bit handy with a shooting iron.

Leek Clubs are still en vogue in the Station. Coupled with a sideline in extortion/domino cards in the pub, they make for a blue chip long-term investment, with even the mangiest leeks earning their growers a hefty cash sum. There are at least two members of this forum coining money hand over fist on the local leek circuit. Plus, you can make broth with them.

Nick off!

2 minutes 55 seconds in

I'm not the torch-bearing slackjaw advocating a return to medieval barbarism over the rule of law.

Anyone getting savaged by a Bedlington terrier is clearly soft as claggy toffee. You can kill one in about a second. Just kick its face off.

In other news, new jobs for Monsta and Mongo?

Now, y'all just hold on there! It seems that there is a Country and Western evening at the CC on the second Friday of every month! I, for one, welcome our new Community Times website. I can see it proving to be a veritable goldmine of useful information. Goldmine.

David Mitchell on the demise of Woolworth's

Howdy, grapple fans! The Bed Pred Fed continues to grow at a frightening pace. Another newcomer this week brings the total number of competitors to a credit-crunch-busting eight. No change at the top as TonyC disappears into the distance like a latter-day Yifter the Shifter. TonyC 37 pts Dave Pa 32 Supermac 32 Mr Darn 30 Hamburger Pimp 25 Geddy 18 PDean 16 Denzel 1 A slow start for our resident Chas 'n' Dave enthusiast, but things will doubtless improve come December.

"Closed due to No Heating!"

There's a new gunslinger in town! Pa's the name, Dave Pa. He joins the league near the top, boasting an impressive 25 point haul for the month. Not a clue who he is, mind. Still, all are welcome at Serie Bedi Predi. The standings: TonyC 27 pts DavePa 25 Supermac 23 Hamburger Pimp 21 MrDarn 20 Geddy 13 PDean 8 Onwards and upwards!

Konichi-wa, kiddies! Another exciting week in the La BeddyPreddy Liga. Once again TonyC is getting medieval on our collective ass. The scores: TonyC 23 pts Supermac 16 Hamburger Pimp 14 MrDarn 14 Geddy2112 8 PDean 0 Speculation is rife that Pete has given up on November's race and is keeping his powder dry for the busy Christmas programme. More as we get it. Keep flicking to kick!

That is very upsetting.

As the wheel turns and October becomes November, a new star rises in the East. Take a bow TonyC with a table-topping 13 pts. Those standings in full: TonyC 13 pts Supermac 9 Hamburger Pimp 6 Geddy2112 6 Mr Darn 3 PDean 0 Pull yer socks up, Pete! http://www.predictthepremiership.com/

It's all over for October in the predictioning league that slept with your granddaughter. Supermac 33 pts Mr Darn 29 TonyC 28 Hamburger Pimp 26 PDean 19 Geddy2112 19 Hats off to a popular winner in the form of Supermac. Hard luck to Pete, caught unawares by the midweek fixtures and scoring no points in the crucial last round. You snooze, you lose. Still, the weekend sees us start again from scratch as we push aside the pumpkins and witch costumes and surge on into November. Keep 'em peeled, sports fans!

Just when you thought the grand-daughter's standards couldn't get any lower.

The names of Ross and Brand are to be added to the Sachs Offenders Register.