wonky

what the others said and more..cheers

I been a fan for probably 30 yrs and hes right up there with ledgend status..years ago it was said he was actually frank Sidebottom as they had never been seen together in public...cool dude all the same.

stop the lights and tell me about it..lol..the drugs have my whole body messed up inside..i went for a wee and sat down for comfort reasons and my wee smelt of the irish stew I had for lunch..i was telling the wife who did not want to know and it prompted me to get the ukulele and write another song..i managed to get chicken soup to rhyme with poop and fat basxxxd to rhyme with sausages and mustard..there really is hope for me yet Maggie..lol

well,blow me.4.08 am and i woke in a bog of sweat. we had been up to the hospital to get another sick note signed and parked the van in a dodgy looking cul de sac round the back next to a chavvy looking council house with broken windows. a couple of guys out side with cans that looked like somthing from deliverance .ahh it will be ok. who would mess with that i said.. off into the hozzie for some banter with the nurses and on our return to the carpark i caught the effers red handed @ my van. a wrecking bar prized the mesh from the side windows and the effing eejits laughing at me. i took the hammer from one of the guys(the little banjo player one ) and threatened to mash his head in. he admitted he had all my stuff in the house. i dragged him round the front of the van to find the wife in tears. the other effer had been trying it on with her..he was just laughing and threatning me with a can of beer..i was holding this retard..fumbeling for my keys and trying to comfort the wife and call the police all at the same time and next thing i know its 4.08am and i wake up bursting for a wee.. phew !! all i can say is that these tramadol and diazipan i am getting from the doctor for my back are doing my head in..i also been watching the walking dead final series on chanel 5 and think that might have somthing to do with it too. obviously my friends misadventure with the roof tent being stolen was praying on my mind and with a comalgamation of fear,tablets and insomnia...here i am..lol feeling better than i have been of late..weening myself off the tablets i might be able to get back to work again in a couple of weeks. there are a load of welding jobs piling up in the garage and the factory want me back too..its a pure effing disaster i can tell you.(pardoning my langauge of course). at least somthing positive has come from all this. the wife says if she has to run up these stairs after my effing arse again..shes effing off back to england..lol.. wonky himself.

jaysus !! she`s a fine thing that cleaner and I certainly wouldn't kick her out the bed for farting ..lol any hows..back to the grand unveiling...its getting some build up..it wasn't long ago there was this massive long build up to the big bedlington song...and we know how that ended up..pmsl..lol

I have asked wor joanne to gan up and see what all the fuss is about..if its gonna be on telly I can pick up tyne tees with my freeview..will she have to do her hair too ?..lol

how wonderful it is to read of barrington and find out it was farted away is a pure gas !! lol

lets have a forum on love and love related items. its such a wonderful feeling being in love. maybe a dating forum for the lonely beddies and the single chavvy mums. its a while since I had that wonderful feeling though,usually I just get shouted at nowdays.. perhaps a section for the gays and lesbians in the community..i know they are out there as the last time I was over I was in a local shop and was served by a girl that looked like she had this elvis thing going on and another costomer was waiting like a teapot for his turn in the queue. if we have a forum for find your old flame or lost loved from days gone by I will be well stuffed so we will scrub the last one..her dad might still be of this earth and he did say he would kill me if he ever set eyes on me again..

its nice that there is some concern for petes whereabouts and guessing hes well somewhere I do hope your all right..there is not a day gos by when you read or hear about some poor old misfortunate that has fallen down the stairs or off a kitchen chair reaching for the top cupboard for that last tin of beans..got me all worried now..blimey !!

lol..guess i am a tad..its just i had this christmas scene going on in my head that there was this poor unfortunate child that may have been terminally ill and a little smile gos a long way....if the truth be known i have been a bit soft since i bumped my head a few years ago and become more empathetic...i know..your all thinking pathetic more like it..lol..it really is a dillema for bedlington though..wasnt too long ago when they got joe soap to do it..(tommy the egg man)..lola local with downs syndrome would be a delightfull picture for the papers and spreading joy at christmas..in my own personal experiance i have had more joy and laughter from the downs syndrome comunity over here than from any so called normal person. if i may be unpoliticaly correct by calling someone normal. another option is to raffle the switch on for say...a quid a ticket and put the proceeds to the atlee park fund..maybe install a bench for me to chill on when i come back because the last time the grass was wet and i got a wet arse..

give it to a child..dont know how one would be selected but i am sure it would be most apreceated and a nice little smile gos a long way.

so..lets get this right..he was led down a dark lane by the woman of his life and she phoned this bad lad with a gun who shot him, she got in the baddies car and they drove off together..sounds to me he had a lucky escape..lol..and i am guessing he will now be more careful about the company he keeps..jaysus !!

aye..mirrors can be dangerous..i remeber as a young fella we had been up to the old resivoir dump at bebside and found an old wardrobe with the full length mirror intact. we removed the door and carried the mirror along the spine road embankment to the grey bridge. thats the railway bridge along past asda towards cramlington. we then set up camp in the long grass of the embankment and were dazzling car drivers as they came round the bend..it was great fun and we nearly caused quite a few accidents..its funny how moments like that never leave you when you get older..i really was a stupid boy back then..though..it was fun at the time..

yes its a discrase when people dont clean up after their dogs...this is going to sound strange to some but for years i have been going round with pockets full of sprinkles and decorating it..it really catches your eye when walking along the foot path and really brings new light to the subject of fouling.. decorating dog poo is a big thing now in the art world after it kicked off years ago in the states..apart from lighting up the subject matter it is even more appealing to passing dogs who tend to have a little taste much to their owners distaste..http://youtu.be/J5-9TbBciZI

no..i dont think he was cruising,,he said he was getting a taxi home..it is funny though..today one of the lunatics bust his troosers and he asked mary could he put a button on for him..went round the compound like wildfire..lol..the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that i was in a position to cause havoc and his opinion of me was so tainted by finian propoganda he had never given me a chance ..always the same over here..because i have dreadlocks and smoke the odd roll up i aparently take drugs..because i have that new age look i take drugs and the truth is the exact oppisite..i actually make drugs to cure the sick and dying. i am an integral part of a massive pharma org and with out my assistance the plant would be stuffed..there have been times when i have had the third degree off the law and they are gutted when they are told .."though i look like a tramp i actually earn more than you officer"..it makes it all worth while when you make them look stupid.for years i tolerated this fool of a man and at the end of the day it was him made himself look stupid..now hes the butt of evryones jokes and it was all his doing..earlier this morning a guy asked him if he fancied a game of snooker later..he said if you cant pot the red you can pot the brown...priceless..lol...

in bebside folklore it was to poo in a newspaper and drop it on the step of intended victim,set ahad..knock...run and hide in wait for the gadgee to stamp it oot..i remember a gadge wearing slippers one time..result..not too good for him..for this i apologise..wonky.

jaysus..thats some hat shes wearing..lol..you need to stop watching these kind of films malcom..it cant be good for you..lol

well heres an update.. its all out in the open now..gerry the racist has left his wife and kids and is living in his car..he finally cracked and has told all the fellas at work that he is gay and has been living a lie for years..there was loads of laughter and at first no one belived him but over the last few hectic days at work word has gone round and apparently there were loads of people who knew..he was telling one mate of mine that he had seen myself in loafers gay bar and they wont belive him..lol..i denied it of course and said he was trying to shift some atension off himself..lol.. the weather here in ireland has been fab and he has been shading under patio umbrella in the piperacks..mary poppins theyre calling him now..lol and hes taking it suprisingly well. you would not belive the transformation of this guy..hes more chilled..i have not seen any insults to anyone ecept in retalyation..he was telling the lads his wife had known for years but always kept it to herself for the sake of the kids and now the kids were of age to understand it was time to sort it.. if it wasnt for me he could have ended up hanging so i guess i am a hero of sorts..lol at tea break today there was a queue for the kettle and cups in the canteen cabin and jerry was reaching for the sugar..next thing a choir broke out.."just a spoonfull of sugar...makes the medicine go down""..well..i nearly choked..lol in fairness to the rest of the lads at work..they are taking it in their stride and getting value out of it..and as for mary poppins..hes very happy indeedy..

thats pretty cool in my books..i would love that craic with a cup of tea and a cream bun..chillin out on the chesterfield with a fancy cup and an eric bristow finger..just wondering do they accept dreadlocks or will it be in wonkys case...sorry we`re full or regulars only..will check it out on my next visit and if i get in i will give it some major slurping and we can see how long it takes before they ask me to leave..lol best tea room moment in history..whitnail and i in penrith.. from the cult movie..witnail and i..lol .

i was askin my mate gerry and he says you got the ponse bit right..lol

i was working in the shed earlier this evening and my wife brought in my tea on a tray because i was too dirty for to be let in the kitchen..it was pork chops and veg..i mangled that..lol

you would not belive the day i have had folks..gerry the racist has had another of wonkys little chats in private and has been assured again that in absolute no circumstances will i ever expose him,out him..whatever..it is just not in my nature..yes i do have evil thoughts from time to time but it is just not in my nature to do this..he has my word and thats all i could give..it has been cruel having to observe the breakdown of such a strong character at such close quaters in so few days.i would defnitly not want to be responsible god forbid should he tip over the edge..it was quite emotional and he apologised again for being such a dick all these years ect..i could sense that he had found himself a friend and i had to put that notion out of his head straight away by telling him i had never really liked him anyways due to his vulgarity and racisim..that he would never be a mate of mine and that if he needed a hand at work thats what he would get.. working long hours with a team of welders and fitters can be quite a tough job and working in confined spaces with cat 4 chemicals and solvents just add fuel to the fire..i explained that as a team we must all pull together and watch each others backs..that evryone must be 100% focused on the task in hand and that someone who obviously is not a full deck is an accident waiting to happen. there was no mercy. i explained that he can do whatever he wants and now i know what he gets upto i will now also be watching my ass as well as my back when we are inside some dark vessel..lol..this was the turning point..he actually laughed at me..first time in what probably seemed like a lifetime to him im guessing. he has been told to just get on with it and not be trying to be nice to me..i told him that my family did not eat his potatoes and that i had no intentions of ever eating them all either and i much prefered turnip anyways..see you later..sorted. after lunch today there was some other bloke banging on in my ear about all the forigners coming over here ,stealing our jobs and women,claiming all our benifits and complaining about there being no polish mass services ect ..and i found it was a lot easier to just agree than argue..i ended up telling the whole squad that when i was english and the queen came to tea we would always have oven chips because she didnt like potatoes either... my new mate gerry the racist said out loud...in front of five more irish racists..."have you heard that geordie fecker ? he thinks hes a feckin paddy.." i am drained..lol..cheers

well..where do i start with this one ?..there is this guy i work with in the factory. he is a real nasty piece of work. lets call him gerry the racist for the sake of things..i have known and worked with the bloke for at least eight to ten years and can honestly say i have never heard him say a good thing about anyone. putting it bluntly he is probably the foulest person that ever walked the earth..he is rotten to the core and i am certain that if such a place as heaven exists there will be no forgivness in his case and he will probably be joining me in the other place ,for my sins. for years i have endured his taunts about how i am a tan and a brit.how my relatives ruined his country , how the brits are no difrent from the blacks and much worse ..belive me..some of the filth that comes out this guys mouth makes me uncomftable even thinking about repeating it .. he acts so hard in front of his pals,,all football and hurling talk..boxing,rugby..all man sports he says..any one like wonky who rides a bike and watches bikes going round a track is a softee...and so on...usually i just put up and shut up and laugh at him rather than with him. hes all talk and on the few ocasions i have asked him out in to the carpark hes always refused and told me to take a joke.. WELL..the boot is on the other foot now.. last week end my nephew came over to cork for a weekend,,do some shopping and sightseeing and catch up with uncle wonky..my nephew is gay. thats gay with a capital G..so gay he makes alan carr sound like a builder..now..wonky himself is not in any way homophobic even though i do like a gay joke or too but thats probably been from listening to the likes of chubby and bernard as a young fella..anyways..with out waffeling on..we all went out for a meal and a few beers in the city last friday..my nephew was pointed in the direction of loafers,the local gay bar and we arranged to meet him at said bar @ midnight before they lock the doors... yep..sure enough..in the door and was greeted by the hardest,nastiest lunatic in ireland pawing at my nephew all full of sexyness..he was mortified..it was the first time i had ever seen him speechless..he was stuttering..i was absoulutly stone cold sober(designated driver).and if i may be a little crude..i actually let out a little wee..i had to go to the toilet to compose myself..on my return to my company i was greeted by my racist colleauge in a new light..he was shaking..he was speechless..he was shaking so bad and was so nervous he actually lit a cigarette in the bar..(i really wanted to say fag but it would have been inappropriate)lol so..i introduced him properly to my nephew as gerry the racist and went on to explain that i was quite comftable in my surroundings and that gay people are no diferent to english people really..i then went on to tell him that even though he was a complete and utter bas##rd i would keep his dirty little secret to myself and gave my word that i would not tell his pals at work what he gets up to.. next thing i know gerry the racist is buying the drinks for all of us..i declined the stout he had bought me and i explained that ..eventhough i am not drinking beer in a gay bar on a friday night dont mean i am planning on coming out with you next week and it defnitly dosnt mean i want to be your friend..it means i dont want a drink as i am driving home as a sensible englishman living abroad should.. next thing hes got his arm roond my neck telling me that hes always liked me and that all the nasty things he says is just an act and that deep down inside i have always known and thats why i have never give him a good kicking...he was telling me how at work i was so popular with the lads he was jealous of me and was competing for attension... you know when your sober and your listening to this tripe , and your temper is starting to boil a little more...well..i had to switch off the gas and close the night down..good bye and off home in the car..laughing all the way. the last week at work has been pure hell..there hasnt been a single racist remark ,,hardly a word..the guy is on the verge of a nervous breakdown..some of the other lads have noticed that somthing is wiffy and are starting to speculate..some guys recon he is about to top himself or shoot sombody hes so edgy..someone said he was on tablets from the doctor for his nerves..i feel absoloutly terrible about it..and would love to give him a big hug..not that thats going to happen..lol if i was to tell the lads at work this it would slay them..they would finish him off for good to be sure,to be sure..sadly thats the type of guys i work with..one guys son commited suicide a few years ago and they are still banging on about how he didnt pay his tea money and still owed for two scones.. one things for certain..i aint going to loafers again in a hurry..any advice apreceated..oh dear..