wonky

aye..its all getting oot of hand now..lol..you may mock but the kebab story actually happened..i dont doubt that..walking roond the woods in drag dont gan on but i must say that fishnets and a cheerleeder dress is a definate no no..its just wrong...i wont go in to detail but belive me its wrong..loving the james joyce comment and will take it as a compliment..though i must say in all honesty..20 odd yrs in ireland and never read any of his work..perhaps you might recomend a book and i will give it a whirl.. back to the writers group...theres nowt i would enjoy more than writing a story...i spend every day god sends in a pharma plant telling stories and getting paid very well for the privalage...most of them are true..some are slightly exagerated and some are just plain stupid..i like the stupid ones the best..that must be the bedlington in me..lol..the caring sensible side must be the bebside.. sadly..my time at home is tied up with music ,telly and welding projects in the garage.. i work with a bloke called the handsome fitter..he was burned in a fire as a child,..then there is a guy called pebble in his shoe...he had a broken ankle and now has a serious limp..my gaffa is called the prince..his father was called the king..there is a guy called the swimmer..his name is mark morgan.. . he has a terrible habit of clearing his throat and spitting..mark spitz..hence the swimmer..they call me wonky..i think its because every thing i do is so all over the place..un even..un level....or maybe its because one eye is constantly looking at the other..i really must ask..good luck with the group and i will be looking in from time to time..even though it might be sideways..lol

lol..

well..cheers to merlin and co for the kebab insight to bedlington. thur 4th feb,,loaded up wonkys van and drove through the night to the toon from cork, five and a half hrs to belfast,two hrs kip in the van in the car park at the ferry port after just polishing off a loyalist kebab bought in the york st area of belfast..this was a bit nervy as hanging round in these areas after midnight with republican reg plates can warrant all kinds of trouble.no worries though and a smashing kebab,,will have to check out the catholic kebabs the next time,,!! woke up and on to the ferry for another three hrs kip..through customs with out any hassle and managed to get the poteen through as they were wrapped as gifts..lol. we then drove off through freezing fog with only the drivers wiper working and stopped for breakfast in dumfries about 8 am. that in itself is another story..!! after a leasurely drive at our own pace we arrived in bebside for the main course whitch was a visit to the old folks and a good old banter ect ect,,this was about mid day..traveling a total of 18 hrs in wonkys td5 landy as pictured on my profile. great buy that was.. two days of rest and i was ready for my kings mixed special kebab..saturday night bout 8 pm there i was in kings,,waiting my turn and like i said in earlier posts ..off to the hapeny woods car park for the nosh. after parking the van and sorting out the kebabs mrs wonky and i dived into the sauces and started pulling out strings of lamb like it was going out of fashion..not more than a moment later my driver side door was aproached by a right wierdo who thought we were dogging !! what a fright we got..lol..lol having been in ireland a long time i decided to have the craic with this sad little man..wound down the window and explained that we were on a kebab pilgramage and not doggers at all and that if he wanted to watch us eat our kebabs he would be more than welcome too...he did..lmao he was creeping us out a little bit but it was so funny at the time i played his game and even let some chilli sauce run down my chin a little just for a little nigella lawson tease for him, i think he liked that bit as he started fumbeling in his pockets for a hankie or something.. any ways to cut a long story short...i ended up having to chase him off with wonkys bat because what he was doing in the woods was very wrong..he was as mad as a badger in a bag that fella so if you go down to the woods today....be careful...that wasnt garlic sauce on my van door !! and back to the main topic...the kebab was good,,tell kings wonky says thanks if youre passing..cheers. lol..does this qualify..lol

and if it had been me she`d have thought,,,blimey,who is this lovley chunk of hunk waving his tackle at me,,i think i will go off in to the dunes and climb onboard that monster.second thoughts,,probly not..she`d have run a damn sight faster than she did..lol..seriously though...button mushroom..??..lmao

oh dear !!..i wonder was this the bloke who was hanging round hapeny woods carpark in an earlier post of mine..lol..the area in question in the article is a known gay hangout..years ago my mate lived and worked at the farm and we would often visit..he used to have terrible hassle..and often went out with a gatty to chase them off..it is a sad world when this carry on goes on in public places...i am not going to ramble on about gays..thats their buisness..however flashing some poor jogger is out of order..this man needs to be caught and exposed..lol..pardon the pun.. if this happened in ireland..the police wouldnt be informed.(probably not) and he would be caught and exposed...then probably go missing later in the week...usually irish sex offenders often end up living in the uk..and visa versa over here...ah divvent knah !!

aye..lol ..but do we like it..? i know the wife didnt but it goes down well on a friday nite in the pub with the uke.yes it was a pink facecloth,,pink rhymes with stink but i couldnt post that verse..even on utiube..lol..still got all me own teeth..but the announceation might have had somthing to do with the potteen i had gargled....cheers.

http://youtu.be/G5p9ej3DZxg an original composition bu wonky himself..coments welcome and apreceated..

more years ago than i care to mention..i vandalised the black bridge..i am openly admiting this now so as to be a more honest person..i know i was not the only person to do this but am probably the first to admit to it on line..thirty years im guessing..it was all the rage in those days..robbed a bucket of emulsion and painted bungo loves lovebug right across the middle.. on the east side of the bridge..6 ft high lettering in white..how cool was i..? traffic off the spine road bridge could read it .it was there for ages...to those people thirty years ago who were offended by this.i appologise..i am so sorry. i cut the rope on numerous occasions on the swing and once ..i was inside the bridge ..where it actually crosses the road ,,nr the bank top and did a poo on to a bus window,,double deccer going to blyth it was....hit it dead on the upstairs windscreen..to any one on the buss i apologise..i am so sorry.. its funny ,how you get older these things come back and you remember what a lunatic you were....i certanly was for sure ,to be sure ,to be sure. just wanted to get that off my chest..thankyouverymuch.

wey lad !!..last september i had a diesil bug in my tank on the td5..fierce problems and broke down three diferent times on three days at the same roundabout a mile from home..i knew it wasnt the roundabout as loads of cars had passed me as i waited for assistance..finaly.i opened up the tank and low and behold there was this huge slug like lump clinging to the pump housing..felt wierd and squidgy..emptied the tank into two drums, i had 50 ltrs of this fuel..washed out the tank with clean dry rags and filled with fresh fuel..new pump for safe measure..bought some bio medic and added a few drops and off i went..sorted.. yesterday my heating oil ran out and i decided to add this infected diesel fuel to the kerosene tank..knew it was dirty..so off to the bedroom and grabbed some tights out of the top drawer..the wife was in bed and i had disturbed her,,she was not too happy..what you doing in there ?..nothing i replyed and scooted off back to the garage with a handfull of nylon..nothing wrong with it..needs must !! lol i cut the bottom off a pop bottle..wrapped it in nylon and stuffed it full of tights to make my filter..like you would like..and started the slow process of filtering.. about 20 mins and 15 ltrs later in she came and caught me with ( apparently) the most expensive tights that she owened..i explained that it was to heat the house to of no avail..she said they were wolford tights and cost her 20 quid..cost me 20 quid more like it i thought.. did yous know that wolford tights are like the van dam plas of hoisery..when she found out that the bottle i was using was actually stuffed to the top with her legware she flipped out compleatley...and stormed out.. i went to the kitchen to wash up when i was finished,,appologised and threw her 50 quid..no use moaning on about a few old pairs of tights..gan oot and get yersell some stockings pet..shes ok now ..though why she wants all those diesel filters in her top drawer is beyond me !! wonky.

dont give a toss what happens,,i`m firing this anyways !!

nah mate !! if hed had a kings kebab, he wouldnt have been able to get that fat !*!@# up that drainpipe.. lmao..wonky.

alreet lads and lasses, any one fancy a go off this one..lol..i recon some one told him paul gascoine just delivered a kebab meat pitsa..!!

nowt like the orangemen that i would be dealing with over here.!!

nasty old gits. what did that cherry tree do to them. was just wondering if you saw the simpsons episode where they cut down the lemon tree. ? grandads face said it all when he bit into the lemon...and yes monsta...it was a decent pub..

thanks for that lads..!!

i remember the caves too. i used to go there regularly with all the dorty lasses that i would pick up at the club..wey aye.. meet up for a date ..doon the hapenys.a nice romantic walk to soften them up and give the impression that i was a nice lad...and then..oh look..some caves..lets explore them...before they knew it it was heavy petting and wooooptido !!!...i am afraid to tell ya thay the only treasure youll find up there is some rotten old jonnies and some muters dandylion bottles....thanks for bringing back the memories.

no mate..my kids were fine..its the grandkids that are wrecking my head..!! and the garden ,and the house.and the rhubarb. i wont mention the swings !! lmao

i love popping in to this site now and again...its like going home somtimes..its like being here in ireland too. what i have noticed that really cracks me up is the censorship...where did the freedom of speeeeech go !! there is a common word that we all excrete..the substance is brown and it usualy stinks too..starts with an S ,ends with a T ,,and has an H and an I in the middle. cant say !*!@#. however...you can say baxxxxxds ,feckers and pxxs. what about poor old jonnie tourettes over here in ireland. somtimes i just cant !*!@# help it !! slan.

well thats just great claire,!! have you not thought about taking them to the small claims court to get your money back. its an outrage and the person that sent your email should be shot with !*!@#. i know times are hard but they are just taking the pxxs and exploiting those who follow their rules. what you should have done by rights is just do the job and ignore the red tape as evryone else does.. .i understand that following procedure is the way that is expected but somtimes its not the right way at all. the best advice i can give in this situation is to go off to the shop. buy a nice tin of buiscits ..rub the buiscits in some dog poo or somthing simalar and drop them into the office as a thank you and poison the feckers...get them running at least...truth is ..most people in their job situation just want to waste time and other peoples time because thats all they are good for..the no good ,dirty rotten,lowlife thieving baxxxxxxds.

this fella you mean !! lmao.. think that might be my hat too..it was suposed to come from That online auction site that is in no way as good as Free Bedlington.co.uk Classifieds last month.lol

was that you norman ? lmao.lol lol.

ah lads, this is getting silly now, walking blindfolded on the spine road,!! lol. this reminds me of the time i rode my bmx blindfolded doon the hairpin bend, that was funny too,!! i was just a kid then though. lets not get too carried away lads, we have all read the posts and are all entitled to our own opinions..is it worth falling out over... one thing i note is that there was no mention about the state of the bogs. usually i think that if the bogs are in absoulutley tip top condition,hygene elsewhere would be of similar standards. for example.. if say,after your starter and a glass of beer you need to go make wee wees.(i meant pxxs ),,the urinals were in use and you had to use the closet. you discover a little drop of p. on the seat that some one has left behind them. and you return again say ten mins later and its still there,the chances are that its probably the kind of place that would pick up off the floor somthing that had fallen in the kitchen from your plate and return it with a blow or a wipe. no one mentioned that..what i will do is ask my mother to give me her opinion. she gans to all the swanky restraunts..shes boont to have sumik to say..at least about the bogs anyways.!! good luck to the new buisness too. and keep an eye on the fridge will ya !!

lmao..class monsta ..

humpfh!! some people eh ? lol.. its al me ,me ,me these days,!

is that bloke still gannin to the shop ?