Malcolm Robinson

Very good, ABTW that Talbot is about 1938 vintage. As for the Volvo, I had the obligatory white one............

Fast moving stuff...........This could get very scary very quickly and with a bunch of half-wits in charge it probably will. At 14.30 precisely today, Athens categorically rejected the German proposal to cede control over its budget to the European Union as a precondition for the second bailout package for Greece. "We can never accept this. A similar proposal was made in the past by a Dutch minister. We will not even discuss it” senior governmental sources told Athens News Agency.

Stop Press………………………………. Stone the crows the very latest attempt by the Troika to solve the Greek crisis is something of slap in the face for democracy and self-rule! Effectively what they have just done is take control of a sovereign state and impose their own rules and regulations citing Greece's failure to impose Troika mandated cuts and asset sell offs and (here's the real cruncher!) all Greek State income to go first to creditors – by law. That is taxpayers, few of them as is, actually paying Hedge fund bonuses directly! This could easily be replicated in Portugal, Spain etc. if it works in Greece and could be the blueprint for the Federalist EU which the likes of Madam l'Orange says they are in fact working towards. It's one thing holding a national referendum asking everyone if they agree to closer ties with other sovereign states, quite another to forcibly impose a takeover! Looks to me like fascism is alive and well in the corridors of power within the EU and once again it might well be down to the people to see through it and act accordingly. Rope and lampposts come to mind!

Easy one............ I had one of these what a pig to drive!

Ok Micky possibly a difficult one to start.............

Great news John..........

If this is true you really couldn't make the stuff up!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financialcrisis/9036199/Tainted-former-EC-president-Jacques-Santer-to-raise-money-for-EU-bail-outs.html

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.' The room erupted in applause DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

The Hunter An 86-year-old very wealthy man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 yr.old bride who is pregnant with my child. 'So what do you think about that Doc?' The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. 'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.' 'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'..' 'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. ''Now, what do you think of that?' asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.' The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5." The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!" "OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom." Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said, "Your flipping brother won't let me in without a tie!"

Apparently it's no longer politically-correct to direct a joke at any specific racial or ethnic minority, so here is an attempt to meet those sensitivities....... An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Bolivian, a Tibetan, a Manxman and an Ethiopian went to a night club. The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

Wonder how this one is going to be resolved............ http://uk.news.yahoo.com/huhne-charges-serious-104543316.html

Some more than others................. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2089020/Labour-minister-forced-apologise-MPs-failing-declare-60-000-payments-Unite-union.html

Abracadabra...........then they are gone! http://uk.news.yahoo.com/magician-daniels-saws-off-fingers-061038637.html

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/council-snubs-stadium-name-change-041231126.html

The government has agreed to the new proposal for a rail link between Birmingham and London. This will make it easier for families in London to visit their relations in Birmingham. The Department of Transport has released an artist impression of the new high speed train.

An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincents Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies". To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins".__

Best of luck with your new venture..........

Shane and Phil were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Phil said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Shane says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Phil wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Shane. Shane says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?' Phil says, 'I feel great, how about you?' Shane says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?' Phil says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'' Yeah, well there's just one thing.' 'What's that?' 'Have you farted yet?' 'No.' 'Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand '

Not the Mods Symptoms its automatic.

First one looks a lot like a chopped version of Stallone's car in Cobra, which I think was a 1950 Mercury.

Beer, fishing, sex & shooting: This summer a man was walking down the street when he was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on shooting instead of food?" The man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't shot in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man. "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, shooting and sex."

THE GOLF BALL AND THE SAND WEDGE: A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes, it is.' Boy - 'I have a golf ball.' Man - 'That's nice.' Boy - 'Want to buy it?' Man - 'No, thanks.' Boy - 'My dad's outside.' Man - 'OK, how much?' Boy - '£250' A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - 'Dark in here.' Man - 'Yes, it is.' Boy - 'I have sand wedge.' The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?' Boy - '£750' Man - 'Sold..' A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball; let's go outside and have some short game practice. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge, dad.' The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?' Boy - '£1,000.' The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.' They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, 'Dark in here.' The priest says, 'Don't start that crap with me again. You're in my closet now.'

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. . . . "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."