Malcolm Robinson

To paraphrase the guy seems, "A sophistical rhetorican, inebrieted with the exuberance of his own verbosity"

DIRE!

You are Colonel John "HANNIBAL" Smith. Preferred him as Banacek.

Is this monsta?????????? (only for the zealots!) http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=418_1176494781

I guess its back to innuendo then........ I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly, undressed, slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?" I still don't know if she was joking...

Might be a bit rude? Anyone been to any of these places? Arsoli (Lazio, Italy) Bastard (Norway) Beaver (Oklahoma, USA) Beaver Head (Idaho, USA) Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK) Chinaman's !*!@# (Australia) Climax (Colorado, USA) !*!@# (Spain) Cunter (Switzerland) Dikshit (India) Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada) Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border) Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic) Effin (Limerick, Ireland) Fuku (Shensi, China) Fukue (Honshu, Japan) Fukui (Honshu, Japan) Fukum (Yemen) Hold With Hope (Greenland) Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA) Lickey End (West Midlands, UK) Little Dix Village (West Indies) Lord Berkeley's !*!@# (Sutherland, Scotland) Middle Intercourse Island (Australia) Muff (Northern Ireland) Nobber (Donegal, Ireland) Pis Pis River (Nicaragua) Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines) Seymen (Turkey) Shafter (California, USA) Shag Island (Indian Ocean) Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK) Tittybong (Australia) Tong !*!@# (Japan) Turdo (Romania) !*!@# (Orkney, UK) !*!@# (Germany) Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany) Wankener (India) Wankie (Zimbabwe) Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe) !*!@# River (Nicaragua) Wankum (Germany) Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." He never heard the shot....

Will someone remind me NEVER to click a HP link again!!!!!!!!!!!! A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

HP, Have you read Fahrenheit 451 I bet the same reasons would have been used!

Local council or not, will we ever see any change? Will it really make a difference? Blank, we will see a change straight away as the vast majority of councillors are made redundant. Yes I know that ain’t such a bad thing but there will probably be one “real” councillor for the whole of Bedders so how will you find them. Will they belong to one political party thereby alienating them from the majority? You will have to vote for them so there will have to be an election and as we have been grossly underrepresented at both district and county levels for years how will getting rid of 90% of our representatives help in that respect. The list could go on and that is just one small side issue; more importantly how will moving a lot of service departments 100’s of miles away help? Yes it might save a few bob in the short term but how will local people who are supposed to be served by them access them, you won’t be able to go to the Bedlington council offices, they are to be sold! So changes, yes from the word go, you will have to change how you pay and access local government. As for a local council you can see that campaign has started! The nub of the problem is, what will it be in charge of and will it be cost effective? It could easily be another layer of local tax for something which is, to all extents, valueless as far as the vast majority are concerned. Pete, the older I get the more suspicious I become of all politicians. As far as I am concerned the country is not the democratic utopia so many of our fore-fathers died trying to protect, it is becoming an Orwellian nightmare and we only have ourselves to blame! We now have full-time politicians, it is the only job they have ever had, so they have no real world experience as they have been wrapped up in their own cosseted existence! In times past they were the products of “rotten boroughs” where someone who wanted to be an MP or whatever could buy his seat, haven’t times changed, or not when we see central party candidates imposed on constituencies! Somehow the democratic ideals we are supposed to hold so close to our hearts have been usurped by a dictatorial style of government and we have let them get away with it because of a sense of apathy! Their only job is to facilitate and implement the will of their electorate, that has been callously changed into; you do what we tell you to do, in the best traditions of Animal Farm and 1984, which lets remember were written as satires on Stalinist Russia not Blair/Brown’s Britain!

Ahh,ha........ its nice to put a face to a name! Chio bambino!

Thanks very much people, the ales on me!

Many thanks Cympil.......... yes the dementia is approaching, Now who's birthday was it today?

Malcilom: At age 95 you will die from wounds delivered by a blender after trying to make your sixteenth magarita of the day. (And it's on 3:00pm, shame on you!) Sounds good to me!

The Mailman's Last Day It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him into the house and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she made the most passionate lovemaking he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. Then she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to do? He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar!" The blonde then said brightly, "The breakfast was my idea!"

Looking at the proposals for the new soopa coouncil for Northumberland anyone else get a tingling down the back of your neck. Selling off local assets, moving services 250 miles away, 100's if not 1000's of redundencies, decimating local representation and the list goes on. Now I am all for change but the changes I would like to see should be made to empower local people not take it away! Never thought I would say this but I might even start to support WDC remaining! One question remains unanswered, and I have asked it time and time again, just who the hell is making these decisions? If it is the CEO of NCC then he could be sacked, the elected officers have a mandate off the people seeing as 55% of "us" voted against a single authority for the county. As yet there are only very sketchy details about how communities like Bedlington will operate once these changes go ahead, my view is that if all is going to be as good as we are led to believe then everyone would have been told just how they would benifit, someone would be after brownie points! At the moment this stinks, someone somewhere is laying down this blueprint without any public consultation (see comments by councillors in this weeks Leader) and in this day and age that should be verboten, punishable by public flogging! Merlin's wall might have to be extended considerably!

In this day and age any shop should be allowed to service the needs of its customers and if that means being open at 3.00am for someone to buy a pint of milk or whatever so be it. I cannot see it being viable mind but the market will decided. The problem seems to be that the laws controlling this matter are, like most of the statutes, well past their “best before dates!” In a progressive and evolving environment these things need to be checked with some regularity to make sure they are suitable for the times they find themselves in. The trading laws, which have only recently been relaxed, date from a time when supermarkets were just taking hold and the politicians must have thought there was mileage in banning the likes of Sunday trading by all but a very few retailers. Of course trade unions don’t want to see their members exploited or forced to work unsociable hours but by and large these places take on extra staff to do these late nights etc, so extra employment? The thing that would trouble me is that if we have a finite amount of money in the economy then any money taken during these night time openings is effectively “lost” to the normal daytime opening hours and so might mean less staff needed during the day. Shopping online can on exacerbate this problem too so we can probably expect a much different shopping pattern to emerge in the near future and that will be down to people’s needs not some heavy handed and out-dated Gov regulation!

Only if it is used as a noun!

Blank, Is the one at Kingstone park not a Megastore?

MY FLIGHT WAS BEING SERVED BY AN OBVIOUSLY GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT, WHO SEEMED TO PUT EVERYONE IN A GOOD MOOD AS HE SERVED US FOOD AND DRINKS. AS THE PLANE PREPARED TO DESCEND, HE CAME SWISHING DOWN THE AISLE AND TOLD US THAT "CAPTAIN MARVEY HAS ASKED ME TO ANNOUNCE THAT HE'LL BE LANDING THE BIG SCARY PLANE SHORTLY, SO LOVELY PEOPLE, IF YOU COULD JUST PUT YOUR TRAYS UP, THAT WOULD BE SUPER." ON HIS TRIP BACK UP THE AISLE, HE NOTICED THIS WELL-DRESSED AND RATHER ARABIC LOOKING WOMAN HADN'T MOVED A MUSCLE. "PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME OVER THOSE BIG BRUTE ENGINES BUT I ASKED YOU TO RAISE YOUR TRAZY-POO, SO THE MAIN MAN CAN PITTY-PAT US ON THE GROUND." SHE CALMLY TURNED HER HEAD AND SAID, "IN MY COUNTRY, I AM CALLED A PRINCESS AND I TAKE ORDERS FROM NO ONE." TO WHICH (I SWEAR) THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT REPLIED, WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, "WELL, SWEET-CHEEKS, IN MY COUNTRY I'M CALLED A QUEEN, SO I OUTRANK YOU. TRAY-UP, BITCH."

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there." If you're not sure what a 710 is Click Here http://www.hotautoweb.com/cogifs/710.jpg

HP might be stirring it but he is right about the other smaller shops who haven't a hope in hell of compeating against the buying power and business practices of Tesco and if the size of the thing is correct just about every business in the town will be affected coz it must be going to be a superstore. It is about time one of the big boys recognised the strategic place Bedlington holds, pity WDC never did!