Canny lass

You may have misunderstood my 'Oh dear'. I was refering to your last sentence about another threegee observation that will be proven right on the nail.

What has Wilf done to his knees?

Oh dear!

Thanks HPW! A joy to read, as always.

Would that be 'Dirty World' or 'If you belonged to me'?

I wouldn.t dream f buying one, Moe. I was just amazed that they might exist!

I just have to ask: Can you really get "industrial steamed leek-pudding". Serious question. Can leek pudding be bought ready made?

Hoy you! Speak for yourself! Rock buns are compulsory in this house. Very easy to make - even for the grandchildren. The recipe is so simple you can keep it in your head: 8 - 4 - 4 (oz) f - m - s (alphabetical order; flour, margarine, sugar) Multiply the recipe by four. Rub the margarine into the flour until it looks like breadcrumbs. Add the sugar. Store in a plastic box in the fridge. When you fancy a rock bun: Heat the oven to 425-450 (gas not sure, but the oven needs to be hot) Place 1lb of the mixture in a bowl. Add 4 oz of something you like - be adventurous, it doesn't always have to be currants! Add one egg and two tablespoons of milk and mix until 'claggy'. Place 12 heaps on a baking tray Sprinkle with sugar Bake for 12-15 minutes. They do not freeze well! They become dry very quickly so it's better to mix and store the dry ingredients in the fridge and only bake them as you need them - without having to get your hands in a mess several times.

At last, somebody who knows somebody who has one - and a fellow female at that! I've read all the literature and understood a third of it but nothing beats the advice of someone, without a financial interest, who's tried and tested for themselves. Practical and reliable sounds just up my street. That he's got a well polished body and chrome gear-stick is simply an added bonus.

I'm afraid I don't have time with consumption and emissions research and the like before my trip to Brussels. I need to be in top trim next week so it will have to wait until I return. I've already given him a good grope where I would expect to find the spare tyre. There isn't a sign of one! Just a discrete little bottle of something with a longish rubber hose and a nozzle of some sort. He obviously isn't the type to let a girl do the heavy work or get her hands messy. I'm liking him more and more.

X-rated! I don't know what you mean, mercuryg. All I did was ask for advice on buying a new car. A girl can't just go directly to things like the big E. I was thinking one of you guys might bring it up. I've now heard rumours that he's prone to overheating. Any truth i this?

Why not? Would you have me in any other colour?

Good heavens, I didn't know that! I don't speak a word of German but mixed marriages have been known to work.

His man-servant tells me that he may well come with a feathrlite rear protection mat in situ though he may equally well come without. He assures me, however, that with or without protection his performance is always the same. I have to confess, though, that at my age accidental spillage is not a problem. Three or four inches, I agree, can make all the difference when entering from the rear but a false bottom can be purchased at very little cost. I don’t see it as a problem. Do you know if his clothing is easily removable?

Incandescent you say. I must get a new hat!

Maj has been and gone here. So has Juni and now we are into Juli.

Darn! I never thought to look at the cup holders. I was too busy admiring the gear stick. I'll just have to go back and have another look - how we women sacrifice ourselves!

But what if I promised to be very gentle with him? He’s very inexperienced – dare I say ‘a virgin’ – untouched by any other woman’s hand. I’d only need his ‘services’ a couple of times a week and only for two twenty minute rounds per session. There’d be plenty of time for rest in between. Surely he could stand that pace? Does he have a drink problem?

I need a new little runabout. My present runabout, an Opel Aguila 1.2, has served me well since the day I bought it as new some 13 years ago. It's never seen the inside of a garage - my own or the makers' - and it hasn't got a speck of rust. It takes me reliably whereever I need to go and it gets me, and my shopping, home again in one piece every time. However, I have a confession to make. For several weeks I have been having a clandestine love affair with a little, blue Skoda Yeti Outdoor. It started with a few furtive winks at me from behind the half drawn net curtain of the showroom as i was driving past and before I knew it I was finding excuses to drive that way regularly. But it didn't stop at driving past. Finally I gave in to temptation and, parking my little Opel round the corner from the showroom, so he wouldn't see (hey! I do have feelings), I headed back to make the Yeti's acquaintance. Naturally, a girl must play a little hard to get so I made a pretence of being there to buy a pink, fluffy steering wheel cover. They were hanging just behind him, giving me the perfect opportunity to brush past him and to feel the lustrous, silky smoothness of his well polished body as I squeeeeeeezed slowly between him and his brother. Discretely, I eyed his equipment. Just as i expected. Everything a girl like me has ever dreamed of, make-up mirror, glove compartment, chrome gear-stick ... and all in the right places! I just knew I had to have him!! Does anybody out there know anything about him? Does he perhaps have a past that I should know about? Any weak points or bad points? Will he keep me in the style to which I've become accustomed with my little Opel? Will his equipment stand a bit of rough and tumble on country lanes and, last but not least, could he just be after my money?

Well, at least you're being honest and that's something I can appreciate. No need to be sorry. I couldn't agree more about the politics. It bores me too. Treating human beings as human beings on the other hand ...... I also came here to get information on Bedlington .... and I'm getting plenty, but not always the kind I was looking for. Unfortunately the rest of the world is getting the same information and it does not give a good impression of how, I believe, the majority of Bedlingtonians are - kind, generous natured, warm humanitarians. However, it only takes one rotten apple in a barrel to have the entire contents of the barrel classified as rotten. Ask any Muslim. Apart from that one rotten apple, this is really not a bad site. The few members I've met are wonderful people and they, together with the other contributors have among them a wealth of knowledge on Bedlington - a knowledge which they willingly share. There is plenty to be learned. Stick around. Post topics in which you are interested that don't concern politics and I'm sure you'll get many interested. Meanwhile, if the political content gets a bit too much (very heavy just now due to the referendum) do as several of us do and just don't open those forums.

and there was I thinking it was from the BNP's web site! http://www.bnp.org.uk/news/new-figures-prove-invasion-“-womb”-remains-biggest-threat-britain’s-homogeneity

I don't cut a cross either, Vic. No religious symbols allowed in this household.

Maybe he already does, Tonyp. Maybe he already does.

I'd be your first customer!

The answer is probably YES but they'll only be creating an enormous black-market for sprouts. You'll have to start growing them in the cellar along with the cannabis. If you can't get them sold buy a horse. Feed the horse with the sprouts and wait a day or so. Sell what comes out of the other end of the horse to any politician or newspaper. I'm sure they'll pay well. Hope this advice helps.