keith lockey

This was never off the turntable when I was a yungin'

I actually read somewhere that the Romans brought cats to Britannia. (I'm going to check that in a mo', so if i'm wrong you must look at the flashy pen and forget I wrote it.) But if they did I bet they had cat flaps at Hadrian's Wall.

I'm Catman, Symptoms. No, honest, I'm a pussy magnet....I mean I get all the waives and strays. All these are rescued cats or moggies who have walked in - literally - and never walked back out. Some have been injured or badly treated and I patch them up and keep them. The dog was the same. He actually chased cats if he saw one but as soon as he entered my yard a truce was called and they all got on together. They would sit and feed together. Alas poor Princey is no longer with us and the cats actually miss him.

I wouldn't dare evade the truth from Time-lords and Wizards. I was just technically trying to break the bad news to you gently. But Wizards is not the connection I am after, but it's a good one this, interesting to see how many peeps get it.

Well when you lot are bending your elbows at the Red Lion go and find an old cogger who can tell you why the bar of the said pub was called the Bunker? I asked this elsewhere but no one answered me.

I should hasten to add that it was not my door they were trying to bash in. It was over the road. (Phew...what-a-mistaker-to-maker)

Technically you could be right Malcolm, although one was a Time-lord. It would be a wizard wheeze if it were correct...BUT...Wrong.

OKAY, VARMINTS AND NE'ER-DO-WELLS, TRY THESE CRITTERS.

Mind you, lads, Tanya Roberts had some points in her favour. She could definitely pull my cracker this Christmas. BUT ENOUGH OF THIS WISHFUL FRIPPERY - FOLLOWING IS YOUR NEXT SET OF CONNECTIONS.

My favourite was Cheryl Ladd, she had some fine points.

http://blogs.telegra...op-earthquakes/ So Italy has just locked up a group of scientist because of an earthquake prediction that was ambiguous. Do earthquakes not come under 'an act of God?' As Tom Chivers says - such an action by the Italian government will frighten scientists off from making any prediction. Mad World.

That's just a malicious rumour spread by my psychiatrist.

You spotted him, Malcolm, yes, a fetching little number he is wearing, isn't, with matching accessories. Fourgee is lucky having such a prize; I mean it's hard to tell which one of those you would choose if you went on a blind date with them. In fact you would have to be....er....blind to do so, wouldn't you. Well, can't sit here chatting away, I get my tiles on today. A few people have said I've got tiles missing.

I was actually woke up in the middle of the night by police trying to do that. In films it is easy, in real world think again. I could tell other Keith there's some beer tokens trapped inside the door!!!

A WINNER Way to go Fourgee, what a performance! Yes they have all played Jackie Kennedy. The one you missed was Jacqueline Bisset. (2) And yes, Keith, number one was Jaclyn Smith from Charlie's Angels - which ties in nicely with Fourgee's super-duper prize. Are you ready for this? They are remaking Charlies Angels and I have secured a leading role for you, Fourgee. You will play the brilliant but enigmatic Mallory Martindale; a suave, sophisticated man of mystery who stumbles across the real killers of JFK. Here is a thumbnail preview of the plot. The real assassins are alien greys who have set up a base on the moon. JFK has pledged to go to the moon so therefore he must be done away with. You learn this dastardly secret through your brilliant deductive powers - but now your life is in danger. That is where Charlies Angels come in - they are assigned to protect you in a safe house in the wilds of Wyoming. Throughout the course of this protection they all secretly fall in love with you and share romantic liasons with you. But you ultimately break their hearts when you dedicate your life to defeating the alien greys. And that is your prize, Fourgee - the starring role as Mallory Martindale, man of Mystery. PS. I have enclosed photos of the three actresses who have been cast as the new Charlies Angels. Wipe the tears from your eyes and don't thank me publicly.

Tried that, symptoms, but my lot are trained in the deadly art of sleeping. Nothing short of Armaggedon would wake these lot - except for the opening of a tin of tuna.

Havin' trouble, varmints? Well here's a clue. There all females.

Cheers Brett, to be honest I've got the cat flap - a few, actually, and I fitted the old one myself - template, awl, drill, jigsaw etc etc. But that was a flat panel door. This one is bevelled, you know what I mean? It has two panels at the bottom. Now I tried sizing the cat flaps up last night and they just don't fit, they overlap the bevelled panels. But I may have found a solution. I can open the kitchen window and the cats can jump onto the wheelie bin and into my kitchen. But I can't leave the window open all night. To be honest, I had a lot of problems with stray cats coming in as well. That's how I've got a few. they just come in and stayed. So if I don't put a cat flap on it may actually work out. It's a bit of a dillema. I can see the pros and cons of having one and not having one. I'm going to see how this one plays out but if I need someone I'll get in contact. Cheers.

Okay Varmints, here's yor new one, and I'll shoot any man, woman or buzzworm that gets it before lunch.

Thanks Malcolm, If I thought it was that easy - like the other one I fitted - I would do it myself. As to what type it is...er...PVC...that's my knowledge of doors I'm afraid. Those in the know said the problem lies in sealing it. Keith might have the right approach, I'll get some keys cut. Here kitty kitty. PS - I'm having some trouble with my computer lately - it was stored away when workers were hammering and bangering. Font sizes are changing, I'm typing words in and they are delayed. I'll get Yosemite to look at it. Talking of which, it's time to set your next cerebral conundrum.

I haven't seen the Robert Downey jnr & Jude Law versions, Malcolm, but I may get around to watching it. My favourite was, as i said, Murder By Decree with Plummer and Mason, I thought that was a cracking pairing. And of course Dr Watson was a Geordie in the books, wey aye man.

This should have been the Dudley Moore picture - darn computer is actin' up. By the way, Cristopher Plummer & James Mason were a great pairing for Holmes and Watson - Murder by Decree. PPS A'll be back ya Varmints. (Good one Keith)

Dangnamit ya pesky varmint, you done me in. If ya ma ain't a she wolf and ya pa ain't a griz. Am cashin' ma chips in, ya low-down-bushwackin' critter. In other words keethy weethy big and beefy has got it right. They all played Dr. Watson. Your prize involves something of the genus canis and appeared in one of mister Holmes' adventures, relating to a Mister Baskerville, I believe. It will be delivered from the Hellhound Homes for wayward dogs to your humble abode. I believe it's pedigree name is Postman-gone-forever-delicious. It has been known to chase people on motorbikes, though it has problems kickstarting the Nortons. I have enclosed a photo.

Need some information fast so I hope this is the quickest way to do it. I've just had PVC doors fitted and I want to know if it is possible to put a catflap on one of them. Does anyone know of anyone who does it? I put one on the old door myself, but that was just wood, someone said I would have trouble with PVC. Cheers.

Sorry, Fourgee, good guess but there is something more specific about these gentlemen. Methinks this could be a long runner....which is good for me seeing as how my house is halfway through rennovation. So come on you bushwhackers and jayhawkers, git those old grey cells in motion.