keith lockey

NOPE. You all try again now.

Bowie at his best. (Apart from Diamond Dogs album) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBwy5y_tdQk

Looks like I've got those varmints beat!

I signed up with a dating agency yesterday. They asked me what my preferences were. I said I was looking for a companion that had red hair, long legs, was loyal and liked going for walks in the country. Now I've got a red setter.

NO, NAY, NEVER, NO, NAY, NO, NEVER, NO, NAY. You are hitting the bar, posts and corner flags again chaps. Sorry, Malcolm, the goal was disallowed. Please think and try harder - all of you. SPECIFICS.

No...but.........

Is it a circus in there often? My mate Les goes quite often to see the bands.

Thank you Pete, I knew there was one.

I can't remember if I flagged this up elsewhere but here goes anyway. I vaguely remember going to a circus - somewhere in Bedlington in the 60s. I recall it because the entire family - including next door's kids - went down with some kind of food poisoning. (It was the candyfloss we had.) But my brother can't remember it. Can anyone throw some light on the subject. I am certain it was in Bedlington - Glebe Road way!!!

Sorry Malcolm; sorry Mercuryg, but this has got to be one of the best sci-fi endings EVER. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPfcim_p38w&feature=related

YOU VARMINT ROBINSON

AND THE NEXT ONE PLEASE

Malcolm Robinson......aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

A WINNNER They have all played submarine captains. Charlton Heston....Gray Lady Down Gene Hackman.....Crimson Tide Harrison Ford.......Widowmaker Rock Hudson........Ice Station Zebra Sean Connery......The Hunt for Red October CONGRATS MALCOLM, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A RECORD ANSWER. NOW FOR YOUR PRIZE. Dear Winner, As part of the Cultural Exchange Service Scheme Promoting Integration Techniques (CESSPIT) we are delighted to inform you that you have been accepted for our international ethnic swap portfolio. Therefore you have been granted the opportunity of spending one month with a family of Papuan head-hunters in the jungles of New Guinea, whilst one of their tribe will be transported to your home to integrate with your family and friends. I have enclosed a photo of the family you will be staying with. I hasten to add that strict cultural observations must be observed; therefore you will dress accordingly. As part of this scheme you will be required to engage in their activities to the best of your ability; these may include basket making, net fishing and decapitating enemy tribesmen and shrinking their heads. (Have you any experience of the latter?) Likewise the swap participant will have to adhere to cultural niceties in your home town. I know that a head-hunter will have no problem fitting into the Bedlington social scene – especially on a Friday & Saturday nights. Many of our former prize-winners have enjoyed this experience so much they have decided to stay on in New Guinea indefinitely. (Actually they just disappeared never to be seen again – we just assume they stayed on.) So please accept this awesome prize with all our heartfelt wishes.

BRAND NEW QUIZ CONNECTION METHINKS THIS MIGHT BE A TRITE TOO EASY

Thanks Canny Lass, wont get a start until my licence and checks come through.

Thanks, Malcolm, I'm nervously excited, if that makes sense. I just hope it works out.

OUTSTANDING MERCURYG Absolutely correct. They have played the captain of the Titanic in variuos films & TV films. Good one Merc. By the way, everyone, sorry for the delay in posting this - the reason is I'VE GOT A JOB. I applied for the job at 9am - got a phone call at 10am - informal interview at 11am followed by offer of said job. Hopefully all will go okay with the paperwork, etc. So that is why the delay. Now Merc', I'm sure you are on tenderhooks about your prize. Take some valium and prepare for the experience of a lifetime. I have procured for you a place with Chipperfields circus as their new lion tamer. The former lion tamer had a digestive problem - actually it was the lion's digestive system that he was having trouble with, him being inside it....anyway. The circus will supply you with a whip and a chair and a year's supply of clean underwear. (That's if you last the year.) The perks of the job are sticking your head in the lion's mouth twice a day - three times at the weekend, stroking it's chin, preferably from the outside. The downside is you will have to clean out its litter tray once a day. Now I'm not saying pussykins is big, but they use a skip for it's litter tray. You can start as soon as the autopsy is over on the former lion tamer. Good on ya mate. I can hear you weeping with joy from here. Until my next batch of mystifying mugshots. Adios amigos.

More please.

Sorry Keith, try again. It seems to be a good one this - I must have got my Mojo back.

I actually liked him. He was down-to-earth and realistic. But the Americans had this guy at the same time. NO CONTEST!

Thank you for moving me into the correct category.

They may have, Keith, but not the connection I am after. Good try.

ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER?

I've never liked any of the Superman, Batman, Spiderman etc films either Malcolm. I am a sci-fi fan but I like the old Black and white films like The Thing, Them, The Incredible shrinking man, and of course my all time favourite Planet of the Apes (original) Beneath the Planet of the Apes was good, too. Funny enough Charlton Heston made some great sci-fi films in the sixties-seventies - Omega Man and Soylent Green - both classics. By the way, I only put the Superman vid on site because the music is by the Stereophonics - the one you got in the quiz connection.