"Laidies and Gentleman, I hope you are enjoying your journey through South East Northumberland. We are travelling through what has now become known as 'Vera 'country - named after the popular T.V . detective,. As we leave North Blyth you may notice how quiet it seems on the quay on our left, that is the Alcan Berth. It is quiet because Rio Tinto has pulled the plug and high tailed it out of town. Sit back and enjoy your journey. ""We are now entering the picturesque community, Bedlington Station. Please note the many varieties of weeds, weeving their way up the well kept chain link fence and the strategically placed items of litter alongside the railway lines. If you look closely beyond the buildings on our left, you can see a world record ammount of take away food outlets crammed into a small area. Please keep looking out of the left side, - CAREFULLY, you'll tip the train. As we go over the crossings, please feast your eyes on the magnificent building, The Clayton Arms (a gasp of pure wonderment fills the carriages). Take particular notice of the modern, self ventilating windows and the up to date advertising daubed on the frames and walls. Note also, how the clientelle standing outside have enjoyed themselves so much inside, they are finding difficult to go home, their faces are bruised after taking part in popular bar room activities of which the clientelle of the Clayton Arms excell. As we pass even more take aways, we will soon cross the River Blyth , as we approach the viaduct, look out of the right side windows, upstream and near the quaint furness bridge, you may just be able to see the disposable outdoor Gymnasium and Picnic tables. Disposable? I hear you ask, it gets quite chilly at nights and the users of this equipment are encouraged to warm themselves by the fire using the equipment as fuel. East Bedlington Parish Council kindly remove the used Equipment and supply more." " Please relax and continue to enjoy your journey as we head towards the sprawling metropolis of Newcastle upon Tyne. The train will brake sharpley very soon, this is so we can disslodge some of the Clayton Arms customers who have somehow got on the carriage roof , dont worry, the river will break their fall. (loud slamm, screeching of brakes and the train comes to a halt fading screams are heard as people fall towards the river) .............. oops the tide is out"