Hamburger Pimp

I was wondering. Thx 4 the add, Darno!

Steady on there, pru! We aren't all cackling, snaggle-toothed patrons of Bomarsund club, waiting for the hoosey to start, you know?

Can I have an E, please?

1=3 letters in the word "One". 11=6 letters in the word "Eleven". And so forth.

Six and six. Mr Darn's reason was right, if not his arithmetic.

In your face, Carol Vordermans!

How you spelling TWELVE, brainiac?

Back on the handles? An odd expression. Good luck to Keggy Keegle. He'll need it.

Didier Deschamps is the new favourite.

TV nostalgia of a slightly more recent vintage

No. It was an easy riddle.

e.

Al Can Stay A victory for common sense!

Ahead of today's Football Focus, Soccer Saturday, Sports Report, pre-match build-up et al, a little "I Spy" competition. Score points for each time you see or hear the following old saws being wheeled out. "Soccer hotbed" 2 pts "Poisoned chalice" 2 pts "Most passionate fans in the game" 1 pt "Divine right" 3 pts "Fairs Cup" 1 pt "Cavalier style of the Keegan era" 5 pts Shots of shirtless fatsos 1 pt That blonde chap in the black coat mouthing off at Fat Sam at the Liverpool game 1/2 pt "Pressure cooker atmosphere" 4 pts "Sheet-metal worker's son" 2 pts "Jackie Milburn" 1pt Slack-jawed mouth-breathers milling around outside SJP, telling any camera crew within earshot that "It's a diz-grace" "The money they're on!" 10 pts "Bobby Moncur" 2pt "Prima donnas" 5 pts "Super dooper Hooper" 25 pts Have fun with it!

Harry says "No". Which leaves the owners looking a little foolish. If you're going to pay your manager off in the middle of a season, make sure you have a replacement lined up. Still, a nice easy fixture at tea-time to look forward to.

Thanks, Chris. This.

-2 missed calls.

Newcastle United have parted company with "Fat" Sam Allardyce. Who's next, then? Shearer? McClaren? Mourinho?* Lippi? El Tel? What a mental club. *Not a bliddy chance.

The Huyton Hitman has been freed on bail by a judge with a heart of gold, possibly swayed by tabloid tales of a tearful Barton crying himself to sleep, like an iddy biddy girl. Feelgood human interest story of the year, so far, I tell you.

Newcastle United midfielder Joey Barton is set to be in jail for the New Year, having been remanded in custody until January 3rd by Liverpool Magistrates court on charges of Common Assault and Affray. Barton is, of course, already awaiting trial at Manchester Crown Court for an alleged assault on a former team-mate. What next for the "bad boy" footballer who apparently has a tankard behind the bar at the Last Chance Saloon? Also, is there any chance somebody could arrest Alan Smith? He hasn't committed a crime, he's just no good.

Both Netto and Tesco were shut at 5pm on Christmas Eve. Much to the chagrin of this mid-50s UK Grime fan, all hepped up to buy tangerines and Advocaat. Well they can go and ruddy well tickle in future. The jolly old Spar will be getting my bidness.

Cycling is fun!

Hope for Bangura In among the debates about immigration and refugees, let us not forget one important fact pertaining to this case. Al Bangura broke Robbie Savage's leg last season. Never mind whether he should be allowed residency in this country, he should be receiving something in the New Year's Honours list!