Hamburger Pimp

It looks as if Harper may have to do a job* between the posts as Shay Given is injured. Despite this, I am predicting a comfortable 2-0 win for Newcastle. Howay the Toon. *By "job" I mean "job" not "jobby", for the avoidance of hilarious misunderstandings.

!*!@# up and eat your quack and chips!

It's a little taste of heaven in a glass. When Denzel gets busy with the cocktail shakers, alert the coastguard 'cos everyone's getting wrecked. Sadly, I fear the adventure soup was polished off last Chrizzo.

Hold on to your funnybones, ladies and g, here's a rib-tickler for you. Q. What is the Queen's favourite games console? How 'bout this heat, eh? You been away on holiday yet? I was in Ibiza, me A. The Royal Wii!!!!!!111!!!!!!!WIIARENOTAMUSED!!!!!!11!!!!!!

Hush yo' mouth, fool! My kids could be reading this. It's the real Santa at the Metrocentre, OK?

I ain't got taaaame for that BS!

It almost makes a chap yearn for the glory days of kiang. Almost.

I'm Sportacus!

The cut'n'paste kid is correct. Leisure centres are costly to run and there simply isn't the demand for one in Bedlington. There are perfectly adequate facilities in Blyth, Cramlington and Ashington. What Bedlington needs is a Wetherspoons pub, a new estate agent and somewhere for the ladies to get their hair done.

Give it a rest, eh?

The American spelling was deliberate, reflecting the source of much of this type of thing, but well done you for spotting it.

After all these years earnestly debating local issues, Malcolm's turned into the king of cut'n'paste "humor".

You could always have a shower and wear a bit deodorant. From what I gather from TV advertisements, any young fellow who dons anything from Lynx' anti-perspirant range is pretty much guaranteed to get his bins emptied.

I think that question has been answered.

I think I've seen that fillum.

I don't think so.

I forgive you.

No.

There were only twelve episodes made. No thirteenth episode

It was an educational outing to Whitley Bay to see an exhibition of Polish dance. I found it fascinating.

That is untrue. There was only ever two series of six episodes made.

Steady on! My bairns might be reading this.

H***y B******y, Mr D**n!

Never mind Owen's injury struggles, Harper can do a job up front.