Denzel

Alfa Spider.......top choice sir.

What sort of motor was it then?

That gets my vote.

Did she reprise her classic 'falling off the barstool in the Black Bull' gag?

Indeed it does, now bring on the gabba.

An Evo 8? You mean a car that looks like it's been designed by a schoolboy? Looks almost as bad as those other charver cars, Subaru Impreza's. Unfortunately I had to get rid of my 'sportscock' and have been reduced to driving a Fiat Punto. However, a Maserati Ghibli has caught my eye, so watch this space.

Well it's about time you got to know me a bit better Emma....pimphoose, tonight at 8pm?!

Correction: Bedlington Station is taking over Bedlington.

Any Stella-related goings on in Neck Towers at the weekend?

The Take That revival rolls on and on.

Why didn't Norn Iron's champion pie muncher Eamonn just eat the protesters?

Howay man Pete, are you really bothered who won it?!

This week.... Yes please:- Bulmer's Original - mmmm delicious The possibility of a new job - 2nd interview in the offing Listening to 'heartland rock' at a loud volume Religious cults in Darlington - great stuff Beverly Hills Cop - get the f** outta here No thanks:- Locking my car keys in the car with the engine running and having to smash the back window - oh dear Paying for said back window The Dyson tipping over and landing on my foot - it smarts a bit Eurovision Song Contest - bunch of !*!@# Big Brother back on TV - I should be in there

No, we'll use Ann's much abused balloon knot.

Stroll on.....

Yep, Bill and Ann are coming round tonight. Hacky.

Ah, famously uttered after a particularly fine night at Pioneer Terrace; lager, jazzmags, hurb nurbs, eggs in Pencil Neck's bed and childish giggling. Happy days.

Yep, in Uncle Bernie's allotment. He's got a greenhouse AND a shed now.

They're amazed that someone has tried to claim my mantle as 'King of Hack'. There's nothing for you here boy, move on to the next town.

A South African loses a leg in a gold mining accident. 'I'm knackered now' he said, 'who is going to want a one-legged gold digger?!' 'ME!!!' said Paul McCartney.

Yeah you said.

Me niether.

Pete is the sort of bloke I'd want next to me in the trenches. Good work fella.

The resemblance is uncanny.

Dorty ape!