Brian Cross

Freezing here too down to 34 yesterday sorry guys

Mine is a 1989 Harley Heritage i have had it from new

Killed and roasted my first quail last night ........delicious

i have never seen them for sale in this country i wish i could

Welcome Fizz hope you enjoy our site

Didn't win win at least i got my outlay back with a third placed Who shot the barman. Hope they get a replacement barkeep in my local tonight

Have they got rid of 'em (windows)

i go with Keith on tartan but over here Toohey's new gives me a whoppin head ache in the morning

Welcome Maubel

Happy Birthday 4G

21/24 reasonable for a Aust based Brit

Do we watch it in real time or is there a delay ?

I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?" One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales , Wales you bloody idiot!" Therefore, I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?" And that's the last thing I remember.

Happy Birthday Mal with many more to look forward too mate

Ahkmed the Arab came to England from the Middle East , and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arabic doctor who said, 'Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, poop in de bucket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.' Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?' The doctor said, 'You were homesick.'

I PLAY GOLF ON FRIDAYS! Ellen and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Ellen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Ellen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow! Ellen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?' Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

Welcome to our site Willowbear

Hi to you Ujay

What is happening with the Scottish referendum about leaving the Union,is it a concern or doesn't any one give monkeys ?

Brilliant Malcolm a must watch thanks

Welcome Colin enjoy our site

Welcome back mate

As You Mature, It's The Little Things That Don't Seem To Matter As Much As They used To! This chick looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?" I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out." I mean, when you are over sixty, who gives a shit? I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you." When you are over sixty, who gives a shit? I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday." When you are over sixty, who gives a shit? I got caught taking a piss in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in. When you are over sixty, who gives a shit? I went to the pub last night and saw an obese chick dancing on a table. I said, "Great legs." She giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." Honestly, when you are over sixty, who really gives a shit?

At a local bar in downtown Powell River, ​​ The owner & bartender, was so sure that he was the strongest man around, that he offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to the patron. Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money. Many people had tried,.....over the years: weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He sat down, ordered a glass of draft, & started looking around the bar. After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge, he said in a small voice: "I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said: "Ok,..." He grabbed a lemon and squeezed the hell outta it..... Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. But the Crowd's laughter so turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his $1000, and then asked little man: "Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The little fellow quietly replied: "I work for Australian Tax Office."