Malcolm Robinson

The official opening of the Gallagher Park BMX track will take place on Saturday March 12th. A full day of activities is planned with trick cyclists, BMX national champion, cycle races, coaching and training. Entrants for the various races (age restrictions) must register prior to the actual races. 5 categories with trophy's and prizes for first, second and third places. Registration and coaching will take place at 11.00am and 2.00pm, young and new cyclists especially welcome! If you have a bike come along with it and see what it can do…………… There will be a fun fair during the day and a fireworks spectacular to end the day off. The event starts at 11.30am with stunts by a professional stunt rider.

The official opening of the Gallagher Park BMX track will take place on Saturday March 12th. A full day of activities is planned with trick cyclists, BMX national champion, cycle races, coaching and training. Entrants for the various races (age restrictions) must register prior to the actual races. 5 categories with trophy's and prizes for first, second and third places. Registration and coaching will take place at 11.00am and 2.00pm, young and new cyclists especially welcome! If you have a bike come along with it and see what it can do…………… There will be a fun fair during the day and a fireworks spectacular to end the day off. The event starts at 11.30am with stunts by a professional stunt rider.

Friends of Gallagher Park AGM will be held on the 4th April in the residents association office at Bedlington Station. New members are more than welcome..................

So you should..........

They are busy recruiting staff at the mo GGG…………..'KEITH'! Don't know which of the plethora of empty premises they are going into but it's a small national franchise punting real coffee and a deli, opening May…….

Might not get a cafe at the Oval but I see we are to get a new one up in the Town.

This stuff gets my goat............ http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/campaigns/our_boys/3445710/Ministry-of-Defence-pay-22-for-65p-lightbulb.html

looks like an opinion has been publicised on the DemCons.......... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/byelection/8360854/Barnsley-Central-by-election-Labour-victory-but-disaster-for-Lib-Dems.html

Best documentary I have seen this year........... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2DRm5ES-uA

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she woke up and seeing that she is no longer pregnant, frantically, asked the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins.... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. However, they were poorly at birth and had to be Christened immediately so your brother Paddy came in and named them.' The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he's a clueless idiot...'. Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' Well, what's my daughter's name?' 'Denise' says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat relieved. 'Wow, that's a really beautiful name, 'I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought....'I really like Denise'. Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?' The doctor replies ' Denephew '

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my stockings." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut? " The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour only." The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back". A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "To your wife"

Perfect car for anyone never mind just women, think of the parking charges!

A Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?' HUSBAND: Definitely not!' WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?' HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.' WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?' HUSBAND:> 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.' WIFE: 'You would? (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?' HUSBAND: 'Sure.. It's a great house.' WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?' HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?' WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?' HUSBAND: 'Probably. It is almost new.' WIFE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?' HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do..' WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewellery?' HUSBAND: 'No.. I'm sure she'd want her own.' WIFE: 'Would you take her golfing with you?' HUSBAND: 'Yes. Those are always good times.' WIFE: 'Would she use my golf clubs?' HUSBAND: 'No. She's left-handed.' WIFE: - silence – HUSBAND: ' . . . S**t.'

Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise. They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?' Without a word Paddy slips over the side, only to find himself standing in water up to his knees. 'Dis'll neva do, Mick. Let's row some more.' After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again, but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on. Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?' Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No, dis'll neva do.' The water was only up to his chest. So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface, gasping for breath. 'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?' 'Aye 'tis', says Paddy. 'Hand me da shovel.'

Paddy tells Mick he's thinking of buying a labrador. "BLOOMING HECK DON'T BE RIDICULOUS" says Mick, "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind ??"

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Paddy, stepped out of the boat ..... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother. "Grandma,” he asked, "it's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, you thick twit!!

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.' 'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?' 'Just three questions' said St Peter. 'Which are?' asked the blonde. 'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?' The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?' 'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.' So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same). The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.' 'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?' The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.' St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question. 'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?' The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!' 'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?' 'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.' St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head. A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?' The blonde replied; 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.' 'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?' 'It's Andy.' 'Andy??'' 'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde. This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?' 'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his Billy boiled.' And the blonde entered Heaven... Worse .. you're now singing it to yourself .....

I think a lot of this stuff is just plain nuts but what with the financial world in such turmoil I bet there will be more and more daft stuff trying to justify absurd valuations as punters try to offset inflation and hang onto what little cash assets they have. Anyone for a limited edition Bedlington.co.uk mug, good inflation hedge and its useful!

GGGG, the kicker for me was the change of the conditional auxiliary verb 'might' to 'will' and the dates………….

We might be about to see Aurora Borealis here........ And lets not talk about this web site going down or mobile phones incapacitated........ http://uk.news.yahoo.com/18/20110217/tuk-storm-to-bring-northern-lights-to-br-a7ad41d.html

Gallagher Park BMX track:

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues. "Johnny!" Mum screams. "Knock it off." He stops and eventually Mum leaves for a short trip to the shops. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after she's gone. As he gives it one last flick, it lands in the toilet where he leaves it. Mum comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, a diarrhoea run. She just makes it. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls the doctor, who is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll come shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks. He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, And this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"

Did you hear about the guy who was a dyslexic-insomniac-agnostic? He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog?

Cringe.............