Malcolm Robinson

"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”

If anyone hasn't had this to their inbox........... Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story) British scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions. You're going to love this...... Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost chicken."

Yep.........

I never suggested they would Mr S......only that NCC already planned to paint them there.

To be fair Merlin NCC never said it was going to look at never mind solve the parking problems there. When you got the daft Toucan crossing idea binned we used that to push the other traffic problems there hoping for some satisfactory resolution. Unfortunately the promised site meeting with NCC and Police has never happened yet but it is being pushed as hard as we can. NCC were already going to put the yellow lines down and the Town Council backed the idea. The lollipop man asked to be moved because of the abuse he was getting and no doubt the imminent accident he could foresee. It was reported Bedlington needs 4 lollipop men/women and NCC are interviewing two or three potentials at the moment. I think being late for work because of someone's inconsiderate parking is unacceptable; I had the same problems when I lived there and found a bit of 'direct action' rewarding! One last bit, those metal poles just concreted in on the side paths, do they allow disabled use of those footpaths? Doesn't look like a 3 foot+ gap to me and if not would force wheelchair users to go onto the road.

Brian, That looks to be a properly filled out job application to our Top Gear! http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/tv/2011/02/05/bbc-says-sorry-for-top-gear-boys-mexico-slurs-115875-22899881/ I wouldn't care a more sycophantic bunch of immature dummy suckers would be hard to find!

Wish we could 'find' one to bring home.............

THE LIE DETECTOR John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen." "I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair..

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS? A drunk man who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face . Was plastered with red lipstick, And a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, "What causes arthritis?' The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, t contempt for your fellow man,sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.' The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' Then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.' MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer

Cleva! http://www.youtube.com/tippexperience

Not Youtube strictly but hey worth a play!!!!!!!!! Howay the Terriers....... http://edition.cnn.com/video/?/video/sports/2011/01/25/thomas.bedlington.soccer.hero.cnn

I think that really is a compelling argument and highlights concerns some of us have with the Tesco development here. I think the best thing to happen recently is Morrison's taking the Netto store on as that at least counterbalances Tesco and stops us being a one supermarket monopoly Town. I still think the commercial future for small towns such as ours lies with niche retailers, traders with a high degree of knowledge in their products and able to offer a more personalised service. That carries its own needs of course, one being the overheads during what could be a long start up faze. I will be very interested in the rents and rates associated with the new 'start-up' shops currently part of the Tesco development as even those niche retailers will have to compete with internet sales. Course if they have their heads screwed on they will develop their own web sites to grab regional, national even global trade! I do think we are just about to see some places decimated and secondary market towns such as Bedders will be in the front line and that's why I believe an holistic commercial strategy is a necessity.

Bullsh*t and Brilliance A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?' Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!' Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says, 'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! Moral of this story.... Don't mess with old farts .. age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullsh*t and brilliance only come with age and experience.

My mother used to do a football size 'leek' pudding but the leeks were in the suet case and the middle had mince and onions. Cooked in a cloot but it took all day………..took us the full weekend to polish it off and even then the neighbour used to get some!

Tumble Time: Soft Play. Saturday 29th Jan. Saturday 26th Feb. Saturday 26th March. 9.00am for the under 2yr olds. 10.15/11.30am for 2-6yr olds. Salvation Army. Hartford road West. Bedlington. Limited places, must be booked in advance!

Get Fit: Make-a-Move. • Bootcamps. • Boxercise. • Salsacise. • Zumba. Fitness programmes for health and socialising. Available at the Salvation Army, Hertford Road West, Bedlington. Book your places now………….

I am worried about it too Keith because at the end of this electoral term, after all the likely job losses, redundancies, welfare cuts, voluntary sector cuts et al, we still end up borrowing more to run government machinations. If we have been living so far out of our means, and that bit has little to do with any financial crisis, for the last umpteen years someone who was running the show needs to be held to account! Its mismanagement on a grotesque scale!

Kate Middleton asked The Queen the secret of a long and happy marriage. The Queen told her to always wear a seatbelt and don't pxxs me off.

There is to be a People's Bank, if we believe the current crop of politicos and this Big Society ideal, being funded out of dormant bank accounts. Investing in the voluntary sector where we are seeing huge cutbacks in funding now but there is a bit of the small print worth reading. This investment is being seen as just that, it will make loans not grant funds quite a different beast and something most of the voluntary sector will be hard pressed to justify!

Andy, Seen you at the Bedlington Partnership meeting tonight? 6.30pm Sally Army. Unless we, as a community, take the responsibility on for trying to get the facilities and amenities we feel we deserve then............

'Please Sir can I have some more' 'Some' would be nice Andy never mind more!!!!!!

There can't be many people left now who really believe Brown was the Prudent Iron Chancellor his spin doctors promoted during that tenure. Stripping away a few of the cobwebs we see two of his advisors at the time were non other than Red ED and Eddie Balls! No wonder they don't like talking about the run up to the banking crisis! It looks like we are going to see a forced separation of the retail from investment banking if the current recommendation gets accepted, although how they might force a fully private company into diversifying along those lines is a bit unclear to say the least! The only problem I have with a local savings bank backing local enterprises is the natural failure rates and the needed professionalism in consideration of any loans. I can see it makes sense I just think there would be too many imponderables taken on by the savers. A house is a house is a house, an entrepreneurial business start-up is quite another thing!

Not a politician just a lackey........ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/8273820/Andy-Coulson-resigns-amid-phone-hacking-allegations-live.html

I think Alan Johnson is a consummate politician, always 'on message' and a bit too sharp. However resigning over what the rumours have suggested is the reason would enlist sympathy from me……

I think that is exactly what we need, small localised community banks, but I do think they should be allowed to take on mortgages to put them on longer term stability. The price of those asset purchases might be another matter! We need to get the froth out of the market and see houses as homes not investment vehicles. Credit Unions whilst they do satisfy a very small market are not able to stand up against the traditions banks overall so we need something else. I hope everyone sees the APRs on these now TV advertised quick short term loans……..2000+%, that's loan shark territory! Even some credit cards carry 20%+ rates, store cards even worse. All of this at a time of ZIRP, zero interest rate policy, which I think GGGs hyperinflation is about to blow out of the water.