Hamburger Pimp

England 4 Israel 0. Goals galore for Owen and Heskey.

Hark at Vivienne Westwood!

That's the Catholic dogma of Paypal Infallibilty for you.

First heard in 1994 on Chris Morris' Radio One show.

It's that time of the year again. Congratulations to Chianti on fifty not out. Hope you have had a great day.

Whoop-de-doo and praise the Lord! Good old Tesco are coming to town. Two established shops are being driven out of their premises before Tesco even arrives in town. More local businesses will go to the wall due to Tesco's ruthless business methods. Still, at least Cympil and Blank will be able to buy some three quid tesco bomber jeans, so that's alright. Every Little Hurts

It seems that they have shown the same advert in different regions of the UK, with different voiceovers tailored to the individual areas.

Never mind old Darn's controversial Sunday Trading shocker, here's a political hot potato so scandalous it'll blow your socks off. I refer, of course, to the street signs along Rothesay Terrace. I am sure you are all aware of the thoroughfare in question. Working in conjunction with Victoria Terrace, it acts a kind of metaphorical perineum, linking the festering Station to the vibrant, thrusting Top End. The signs at the top and bottom of this road are free of all criticism. Correctly spelled, neatly positioned, well maintained. A credit to the signmaker who crafted them. However, the two in between are a ruddy disgrace. They only say "Rothsay Terrace"! Rothsay? I ask you, is this what those bums at the Council choose to spend my tax dollars on? This is an outrage. Harrumph harrumph harrumph.

Well done you. If this was France they'd have named a park after you.

Finally? He'd only played for an hour this season before tonight.

A bold prediction: Newcastle 4 Barnsley 0. Oh yes!

Summit steep?

That's quite a big wee.

Thank you, Keith Lard.

Their foot long sandwiches with the meatballs in are nice.

I'll go for 2-1 to Newcastle. Owen to open his account.

IFCIT!

Poor old Paul Robinson

I don't mind paying to get my bins emptied.

News to me!

The kid has previously been reprimanded three times for criminal offences. He's a toerag. He was hassling a 74 year old man. Bang the little turd up.

Ladies and gentlemen, there now follows a sentence I thought I would never type: I agree with Mongo.

Thank you, Brian Sewell.

Anyone interested in visiting the good Dr Pit's park can do so for free on Sunday lunchtime to witness the final of the inaugural Bedlington Cup. The semi-finalists: From the depths of the Station - The Railway and The Station Club. Representing our Top End overlords - The North and The Monkey. Alehouse football's coming home!