Hamburger Pimp

Warning: Contains swearing.

Are Denzel's postings really so bad, Swalnalla? A quick look at your own contribution here reveals mainly sour-faced griping about other members, pointless animated gifs and smilies and well-worn complaints about the local council. Not quite the combination of Oscar Wilde and Simon Schama one might expect from the imperious tone you take regarding Denzel's occasionally salty sense of humour. "Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" Not my words, the words of some chap out of the Bible. You can't get more true than that, can you?

Joe Rooney is right. They should get small children to clear up the horse droppings. He's probably right about the "this town got no soul, modern folk are no-goodniks" thing too. Good to have you back, JR.

I think Denzel has got that DVD. I still want it back, mind.

In Bedlington, wij houden van het bier en van de mooie meisjes. Het is goed, ja?

Now, I'm no fan of the Broken Spokes band, but if BarLass O' Bedlington isn't the most beautiful woman in the world then I'm a dutchman. I'll bid you good day.

That's your battling bulldog Dunkirk spirit right there!

Has she tasted your horrible lasagne as well?

Ignore tha haterz, Dennis, you're a fine fellow.

Since the uptight prudes who run Youtube with a rod of iron have deemed the canoodlings of our Swiss lovelies unsuitable, the search for good, clean fun moves on. How's about The Sun newspaper's popular "Deidre's Casebook" rendered into live action with some of the most unconvincing acting you'll ever see? Oh, and lasses in their bras too. Serious relationship counselling ahoy!

Who are ye like, Eddy Eats?

In a parallel universe, or at least Switzerland, BarLassofZurich and SwissMissVic get it on. Giddy up!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!FOUR-TWO!!!!11!!!!

Kentucky Fried Chicken - It's window lickin' good.

Whatever, Trevor.

Been around the world and I, I, I, I can't find my baby.

You're the bullet-headed Beardsley to my corpulent Micky Quinn.

Now that's just offensive. Think on.

Word on 'da street is that she wants to kiss him with tongues and touch his bum and everything!

Do you use a dictaphone? No, my secretary dials for me! I'm here all week, try the liver.

Are there "modules" covering diversity and race relations on this high-falutin', academically rigorous HNC you're doing?

No, he just rubbed his belly ruefully while mumbling about japanese flags.

According to a downcast Pencil Neck yesterday, Liverpool now can't win the Premiership. I see Dirk "wears white socks" Kuyt still hasn't scored yet.

No, he's a Nigerian striker. Don't you even know that? I do.

It's Funny 'Cos It's True!