Hamburger Pimp

Bunk-ups more like!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!ORBONKEVENLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!

The Sun's website The Sun's site has the byline "Our lawyers are watching". There's a sweet gig.

BarlassofBedlington looking mighty purty tonight in The Tavern. Giddy up!

Most people probably suspect that local councillors are going to be self-important, backhander-taking, corrupt toerags. At least the ones who are told what to do by their party are carrying out policies that somebody half-decent has thought up, rather than pursuing their own money-grubbing agenda.

I'll be honest here, I don't know what this means. Do you?

Can't manage that, I'm afraid. Howzabout a cat that looks like Hitler? Hitler cat! More here

I believe "hog's eye" is the phrase that pays.

England's favourite big man with good feet And that, my friends, is why England are going to win the World Cup.

Have you planted a camera in my living room?

A mix that's funkier than a box of monkeys This is what old Bill Gate had in mind when he was hotfooting it down to the patent office with his plans for an internet.

Peace out, big dawg.

If we could take one step back from the "anally-violating-fellow-poster's-mothers" tomfoolery for a moment, Newcastle supporters may be interested in the following piece of Alan Shearer memorabilia. Quality Item

Is it really so much of a sweat to drive your car or board a bus to the swimming pools at Ashington, Blyth or Cramlington? Any new leisure development in Bedlington would only serve to attract hordes of dreadful, nit-infested kids from neighbouring towns (cf. the shows).

Chris and cunnyjohn's "direct action"

Yes. Others are never happy.

That wasn't our Chris invading the Lottery show, was it?

Lordi are going to win

More Eurovisions fun, last night's fantastic performance by Lithuania. Watch out for Denzel going mental and freaking out at the intrumental break.

Dissing Eurovision? Not on my watch, soldier! The Eurovision Song Contest is skill. Abba and their star-shaped guitars, Bucks Fizz whipping their skirts off, Gina G giving it laldy, unorthodox Finnish death metal types, pneumatic Greek wallopers in low-cut frocks, eastern bloc Hi-NRG gay disco stompers, tedious cypriot balladeers, cringeworthy Irish my-lovely-horse imitators, all human life is here and it's all good. A smorgasbord of Europop fun here.

GOTCHA! Perhaps now god-fearing simple village folk can rest easy in their beds, free from the shadow of the beast. <insert "rib-tickling" joke funny about Denzel's love life here>

Hit the trail Denzel, there's a new sheriff in town.

You started growing leeks?

That's what it's aal aboot.

I'll tell you what would be good. If Pencil Neck could subvert every thread so that it ends up centring on his rather unhealthy obsession with Denzel's sex life, particularly his love of older ladies and his supposed propensity for al fresco how's-your-father. That would be tremendous fun, that.