Hamburger Pimp

Happy birthday and that, Chianti. I trust you'll be uncorking a bottle or two tonight?

Howay Dennis, a bit of red hot skiffle action to dull the ache of your Chas 'n' Dave choker. You know it makes sense.

I received a breezy, chatty letter from the good people at Northumbria Water today, with a cheque for £20 enclosed. Hats off!

Giddy up!

I would appreciate getting my bins emptied more regularly.

Sounds like a blues singer.

Comedy racism aside, getting Martins for less money than Liverpool paid for the rather pedestrian looking Kuyt seems like another nice piece o' bidness on the part of Glenn Roeder.

I had a restraining order imposed by a court the last time I pulled my fonger out.

Whatever the shortcomings of the Red Lion catering, there are worse places at which one could don the bib. Spring Rolls for Hitler?

They have pushed back the serving curfew too. The sign now reads "now Doing Food" "Till 6pm". Possibly the second part should read " 'til 6pm " but it has always been my policy to give a brother a break, so I think we can let it slide for now. Has anyone tried the food yet?

There's only one way to settle this... ..catfight!

Can I just wish everyone a very merry Groundhog Day?

The Neckmeister's ability to locate an empty pub filled with bearded real ale enthusiasts on a Saturday night when everywhere is wall, I say wall to wall blart, remains undiminished.

Can we tag along with them instead?

Can anyone recommend a good INSURANCE company?

If anyone has access to the internet, there are pictures circulating of the lovely Jayne with her clothes off.

You could try contacting them via This webpage My request for some money: "My water was cut off on 31/07/06 and 01/08/06. Can I have some compensation please? Thanks." I'll let you know how I get on.

Water's back!

Now, the last thing I would want to do is offend anyone from the diabetic community. I wore the wristbands, I marched on Congress back in '68 so that diabetics could ride the same buses and attend the same schools as normal folk. However, in this modern, enlightened age when a diabetic can skipper an FA Cup winning team, why oh why are they considered incapable of trudging down to the standpipe, bowser or handout line to get some water just the same as John Q. Taxpayer? Sort it out, Tanni Grey-Thompsons!

No cold water in the Station now. Sort it out Tony Blairs. Will we be entitled to any money back from the nogoodniks at Northumbria Water who do my pockets for twenty quids a month?

Nice shooting, Moose. The only language Fritz understands is a belly full of hot lead. Tally ho.

The Market Tavern have nothing to dilute their beer with. I joke of course. They wouldn't do that.

You been huffing petrol again?

I'm enjoying her work.

An excellent player, here's hoping the physio room wrecking crew don't rob us of his services too often.