Brian Cross

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard

and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but

decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's

old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing

out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys

and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her

mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask

this question, honey?" The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner

will be ready in just a couple sex

Thanks Malcolm,

A lot of interest :0)

What mechanics used to do before the computer age………….

http://www.snotr.com...ine_Stop_Motion

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed,

lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance."

- Cicero , 55 BC

yes the station next eh Keith ?

A pint of whatever these two are on my good lady!

Could get interesting this one ..........

Golf ethics............

Here is a golf ethics question for you.

What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the

match was halved at the end of 17 holes. (unlikely you would be there I know)

You had the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a

simple nine iron to the pin.

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball.

Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: "Go ahead and

hit your second shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match."

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the

pin. About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim

from deep in the woods: "I found it!". The second sound you hear is a click,

the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the

woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the

hole.

Now here is the ethical dilemma:

Do you pull the cheating barsteward's ball, that you found in the rough, out of your pocket and confront him

with it or do you keep your mouth shut.

Happy birthday Foxy have a good one

Does anyone use the chat room i often open it up but i have never found anyone in there ?

Ah Keith what you have to do for fashion eh !!

I don't know if this counts as i did not actually meet these folks.......A long time ago i was riding my Harley in Canberra in the ACT as i turned onto the main road i spotted a motorcade up ahead so being a nosey geordie lad i sped up until i was alongside the main limo and and when i looked in to see who was there behold it was the Queen and Phil and they were not impressed and neither were the Federal police who guided me onto a side road to question me in depth..........there thats it

Lets see if this works.....

Two Irishmen were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.

Jimmy said, "I'm gonna do dat when I win da lottery.â€

"What's dat den?†asks Mikey.

"Send me lawn away to be mowed."

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary

when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I

made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.'

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My

love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years! I cannot hold your past against you,

maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'

She said, 'I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales . . .'

I most certainly am. Mind you there are times when I could do with one, but it passes. Them Champex tablets were a great help at the time, got to be better than doing turkey. 30th Oct 2010 was me last tab, put a shed load of weight on but it has to be better than continuously kippering ya lungs!!

I remember the Lynns butcher shop in the oval well, is the original Don still with us

Have always known this wonderful shop as Don Lynns, don't know why, they sell such wonderful goodies, ham and pease pudding a particular favourite.

Hardy

Soory Ladies

A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgae, worried about her husband's temper

and threatening manner.

The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?

The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time

ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."

The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your

husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start

swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until

he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

She says: "Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came

home drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae

touch me even once!

Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret. The water does

!*!@# all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

A group of Hell's Angels were out riding their Harley's one Sunday

when they spotted a woman about to jump off a bridge so they stopped and

parked their bikes.

The leader, a big burly mountain of a man says; *"What are you doing?â€

*"I'm going to commit suicide†*says the young woman.

While he didn't want to appear totally insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity either so he asked her; *"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?â€*

And it was a long, deep, spine-tingling kiss. After she's finished, the bike leader says; *"Wow, that was the best kiss I've ever had. You have a real talent for it. You could be famous.Why in the world would you want to commit suicide?â€*

*"My parents don't like me dressing up as a girl!â€*

The Authorities think she may have been pushed - - -!

19 Icould lose 19 yrs and still be an old codger Happy Birthday Adam.................

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was 'TIMBUKTU'

First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

"Slowly across the desert sand,

Trekked a lonely caravan

Men on camels two by two

Destination - Timbuktu."

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought.

The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

"Me and Tim a huntin' went,

Met three whores in a pop up tent,

They were three, and we was two

So I bucked one, and tim buktu."

The aboriginal won.

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little fact for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show --

Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

Control yourself !!!

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Grandad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . Easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the grandad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy"

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Grandad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . . . The little bastard's name is Kevin."