Denzel

Do you do Chicken Kiev as well?

Step forward, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall!

Welcome to our board Tazz, feel free to browse and make comment.

Come on then Pete, spill the beans (no pun intended).

To be fair mind, it wasn't a goal.

Just covering up the evidence Pete. Nudge, nudge; wink, wink.

Yes. One is not amused.

Barlass is a bit of a fox.

You're the original and best.

Get it doon ya neck bonny lad!

Nah, stupid sods told me I hadn't given them the go-ahead to do the work when I rang them on Monday. I was most annoyed at this revelation so said to the bloke, 'course I didn't give you the go-ahead, I had it sent there so you could look after it for me'.

Did the dog get stuck to a lamp-post then?

Chips and gravy with duck? Hoy it in the over for a few hours then just hack it to bits with a fork man. Lovely stuff.

Well you don't want Bedlington's finest alcoholic to spend Christmas on their own do you? Serve them some foaming ales and keep them company. They'll all be wearing their Santy tracksuits.

A belated happy birthday from me to everyone's favourite uncle, wor Pete.

Why ambassador, with this scampi you are really spoiling us.

Down with the Market Tavern! Authoritarian didacts - we'll overthrow you!

Meals?! The paraffins who drink in there are only interested in chips.

GGG is my hero.

Speaking from experience?!

Change it then.

I'm sure she's apoplectic.

Punk rock!

Yeah sorry, it's a race I'll never win.