Denzel

Whut chew talkin' bout Lewis?

Who's he, our new South Korean recruit?

Balderdash and piffle. Young Ava is absolutely gorgeous, been to see her this very evening. Well done to the proud parents.

Congratulations to Red Row's most famous ex-pat and Luis Figo impersonator John Gates. His lovely wife Gwen gave birth to a baby girl (Ava) in the early hours. As godfather, I'd like to wish them all the very best!

A new word in the vocabulary I see! Don't have to many E-numbers later mind.

You were doing so well up to that point!

And don't be running around terrorising the adult there tonight. Play nicely in the corner.

You can have Sunny D, and that's it.

Woh, get the Crass LP's out!

Congratulations to Mr & Mrs Pencil Neck, who should be getting hitched as we speak. The reception tonight is gonna be a mighty fine do.

Point taken Joe, and if I have offended anyone with my facetious comments I apologise wholeheartedly. I believe the miscreants have been apprehended incidentally.

Howay then Pete, who will win the World Cup then?

Hear, hear CK.

The lunatics have taken over the asylum.

A scarily prescient comment Joe! Monster trucks will be next!

Any further work been sighted yet? Seems to have reached a bit of a standstill.

Ah baseball; rounders for rednecks.

Hmmm

Aye, she was a canny size like.

That crazy fool's at it again! Prediction madness!

Well quite.

Well I for one certainly hope the perpetrator is sent down for it; it's all deeply unpleasant and I gather off certain friends he was a decent bloke.

Sorry Swalnalla but violence on the streets is a fact of modern day life. Whilst I'm not suggesting that there are hordes of Vikings raping and pillaging their way through Bedlington, there is 'bother' out there. So carry on with your handwringing whilst the rest of us get on with life.

Actually when you get married it means I can take Nurse Gladys off your hands! Back of the net!