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keith lockey

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They have all played Churchill......

Do you know what kind of day I've put in Malcolm Robinson?

Our street and house lights went off AGAIN! The workmen came to channel my walls (no innuendo) and put new sockets in but they couldn't start because there was no power. I got mauled by my moggies when I tried to take them to my neighbours to sanctuary. The bus broke down at Gosforth. I met my friend Maria in the toon for coffee and our favourite coffee shop was full. Then she dragged me around Fenwicks until I was dizzy. We got rained on when we went to the Laing - which is getting worse everytime I go there. We came out of the Laing and got attacked by American Indians from Byker (or was that biker Indians from America?) Then a Tyrannosaus saw us and chased us down John Dobson Street and just as we were about to be gobbled up some aliens in a spaceship abducted us and turned me into a Ladyboy from Bangcock.

I eventually got home to a house that looks like a bombsite and just when I thought I could set a nice little connection and put my feet up that Malcolm Bl..dy Robinson gets THE CORRECT answer before it is hot off the press.

Well if you want your prize you'll have to wait cos I'm having a hissy fit - though now I'm a ladyboy I suppose that should be sissy fit. Look what you've done now, my mascara is running.

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LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY MALCOLM ROBINSON

Your truly outstanding prize this time is…wait for it…wait for it…the Dead Man Walking grand tour of death-row prisons in the U S of A.

You will get to meet such luminaries as Carl the Cannibal, Hatchet Hank, Chainsaw Chuck and Ray the Razor. You will have tea and scones with them and lunch….er not Carl the Cannibal though, and as an added bonus we will throw in an overnight stay with one of the inmates. (See attached picture)

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His name is Hogg Hutchinson and he used to strangle his victims with a link of pork sausage until he became a Jewish vegetarian. Then he began beating his victims to death with a can of soya beans – but only on Yom Kippur.

You can spend an intimate evening with Hogg – or Henrietta, as he likes to be called on Friday nights when he dresses up. You can discuss Shakespeare's sonnets or contemplate the virtues of the Victorian love poems whilst listening to his Liberace CD's; If you are lucky he might even show you his collection of lace doilies that he makes himself in the art and crafts classes.

Oh lucky you, I bet you just can't wait to pack your overnighter. And as a special bonus, Malcolm, you can hold Hogg's hand when it's his turn for the chair.

Until next time, Amigos, adios.

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LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY MALCOLM ROBINSON

Your truly outstanding prize this time is…wait for it…wait for it…the Dead Man Walking grand tour of death-row prisons in the U S of A.

You will get to meet such luminaries as Carl the Cannibal, Hatchet Hank, Chainsaw Chuck and Ray the Razor. You will have tea and scones with them and lunch….er not Carl the Cannibal though, and as an added bonus we will throw in an overnight stay with one of the inmates. (See attached picture)

post-2953-0-00891100-1350413759_thumb.jp

His name is Hogg Hutchinson and he used to strangle his victims with a link of pork sausage until he became a Jewish vegetarian. Then he began beating his victims to death with a can of soya beans – but only on Yom Kippur.

You can spend an intimate evening with Hogg – or Henrietta, as he likes to be called on Friday nights when he dresses up. You can discuss Shakespeare's sonnets or contemplate the virtues of the Victorian love poems whilst listening to his Liberace CD's; If you are lucky he might even show you his collection of lace doilies that he makes himself in the art and crafts classes.

Oh lucky you, I bet you just can't wait to pack your overnighter. And as a special bonus, Malcolm, you can hold Hogg's hand when it's his turn for the chair.

Until next time, Amigos, adios.

HUH how how come the blue eyed boys get the glamourus gigs , this tour of the exotic big houses of the states and Mercs swimming with sharks etc, I thought that one was so good, I would have given it to the wife for xmas ( I bought her a plot in the church yard last year and she has'nt had the decency to use it yet). ME, ME !!!! on the other hand has to offer myself up for experiments on the old chutney channel. (Mind you if there IS a free bar, it could be quite a pleasurable experience. )

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The bar is free at the colonoscopy centre, Keithy weethy, and they reckon it's the happiest bar around, well at least they say it's gay and the waiters offer to push your stools in. Mind you they mustn't have a cleaning lady because there's all these pound coins lying on the floor. I went once but I thought it was rough; some bloke in leather pants and jacket said he was going to fist me. I thought WHOA, I don't want any trouble so I asked the manager if he had a back door and......

Edited by keith lockey
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was the grapes pub in front street bedlington once called the blue bell /

This is clearly in the wrong section! I don't think so, the Blue Bell is further up the street.

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LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY MALCOLM ROBINSON

Your truly outstanding prize this time is…wait for it…wait for it…the Dead Man Walking grand tour of death-row prisons in the U S of A.

You will get to meet such luminaries as Carl the Cannibal, Hatchet Hank, Chainsaw Chuck and Ray the Razor. You will have tea and scones with them and lunch….er not Carl the Cannibal though, and as an added bonus we will throw in an overnight stay with one of the inmates. (See attached picture)

post-2953-0-00891100-1350413759_thumb.jp

His name is Hogg Hutchinson and he used to strangle his victims with a link of pork sausage until he became a Jewish vegetarian. Then he began beating his victims to death with a can of soya beans – but only on Yom Kippur.

You can spend an intimate evening with Hogg – or Henrietta, as he likes to be called on Friday nights when he dresses up. You can discuss Shakespeare's sonnets or contemplate the virtues of the Victorian love poems whilst listening to his Liberace CD's; If you are lucky he might even show you his collection of lace doilies that he makes himself in the art and crafts classes.

Oh lucky you, I bet you just can't wait to pack your overnighter. And as a special bonus, Malcolm, you can hold Hogg's hand when it's his turn for the chair.

Until next time, Amigos, adios.

Would that be Adam Hogg, a fellow mod, or Russell his old man?

Either way not a very edifying thought.

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Is that Keef1 spitting the dummy coz he took too long to reply..........back of the net bonny lad!

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Pete, sorry but it jumped straight out! And that's what I told the judge!

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Would that be Adam Hogg, a fellow mod, or Russell his old man?

Either way not a very edifying thought.

I knew old Alan (big Alan and his son...er...Alan. Also Veda and Sarah. All from the Northumberland Arms when I was young and good looking and had hair. (Stop laughing.) Russell was a big bloke who used to drink in the Sun. Am I correct?

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Okay you varmints - lets try you with something different

Three 'snippets' from album covers - what are they?

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The first one is from The rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars -- David Bowie . Is the second one from Songs in the key of Life -- Stevie Wonder. I can't even guess at the third ( it looks like an instrument of torture that I am currently enduring in order to qualify for this free bar !!)

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The third is, of course, Eagles Hotel California. (not no 'The'). Is the second one 'I've Got a Pet Iguana' by Iggy Iguana and the Iguana Brothers?

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Would that be Adam Hogg, a fellow mod, or Russell his old man?

Either way not a very edifying thought.

I knew old Alan (big Alan and his son...er...Alan. Also Veda and Sarah. All from the Northumberland Arms when I was young and good looking and had hair. (Stop laughing.) Russell was a big bloke who used to drink in the Sun. Am I correct?

Yes Keith you are correct (bar the Sarah bit you added on the end it is Sara). He hung about with some of the big blokes in the sun inn so you may be thinking of somebody else when you think the big bloke in the Sun Inn.

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Yes Keith you are correct (bar the Sarah bit you added on the end it is Sara). He hung about with some of the big blokes in the sun inn so you may be thinking of somebody else when you think the big bloke in the Sun Inn.

Cheers, Adam, I knew Sara - mainly cos she stuck a pool cue up my nose once!!!! I was chalking it and she jumped on my back. My head went down and the cue went straight up my nostril! Happy days.

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